The concept is typically extended to include the attitude of hope for future conditions unfolding as optimal as well.

I really need to work on my optimism. I want to say thank you to a friend who gave me a different perspective yesterday. I could be pregnant now. Only god knows. I am not a religious person. I do believe in god.  My spiritual concepts took a long time to come together. I was an agnostic for a long time. I believed god existed. I really thought he did nothing for me. Like Santa Claus skipping my house. It wasn’t until my twenties when I realized a lot of good happened in my life that I did not appreciate. That is when my spiritual side started to unfold.

God has been working in my life for a long time. My concepts is more spiritual than religious. I can not quote any scriptures. I can tell you I believe totally god has my back.

When I moved to Georgia with nothing. My uncle told me I would be back. He insinuated I would fail and come running back home. That did not happen. I moved with my car pulling my stuff in a little U haul box behind my car. Other than to visit I haven’t been back yet.

As my friend reminded me, a year ago I didn’t think any of this would have been possible. My plan was to move to Boston. Find a job than work on having a baby.

Things started to work out.

I did a short sale on my house. It affected my credit, but not a lot. Thank God!!! I stayed with friends and paid off some bills. I received a promotion with a great financial increase. Nothing that could afford IVF, but enough to make me stay     in Georgia for a while.

I pray my baby dreams do not go un answered. I know optimism and lack of stress will carry me through. It is so hard not to worry. I wish I could switch that off. I am going to work on it!!!

I am going to karaoke tonight. No singing for me. I am a spectator. I sound great in the shower and in the car by myself. I could be Beyoncé.

In public I sound like a cat that should be put out of her misery. My friend claims she is going to get up there. We will see if I will follow. I am not seeing it right now!!!


God in Devil out!

This is what I have been saying to myself for days. Every time a negative thought enters my head. I am not religious. I do believe in god. I did ask my preacher friend how does he pray. I wanted to give my prayers a little extra something. A few days late he asked me if I was reading the bible. I told him no. He said that is like having the peanut butter without the Jelly. LOL. Okay I am not gong to lie to him. So I told him it isn’t going to be something I am going to commit too.

Well God in Devil out came from my mothers lecturing me. I called her depressed and upset as usual. My life, no man, no baby, short sale taking forever blah blah. She starts her lecture of course. That is the devil talking. You need to talk to god. It is funny when I asked for a sibling she said the same thing, ask god for it. Which would have never been answered because my mother had an IUD. But she told me to ask god for it. Interesting!!! I guess that what she did to shut up an eight year old.

I do believe my negative thinking can bring negative into my life. So god in devil out is a quick way to get that negative thought out of my brain. It has been working so far. Not perfect but making progress. Sometimes I don’t even know when I am being negative, sad to say. I was talking to a friend on my way to work. I said it is going to be a hellish work day. She said there you go negative again. Wow I didn’t even know I was doing it. Clearly I have a lot of work to do on this.

I need to work on my next blessing entry. I have it in my head. Hopefully I will get to it this week. Well on a good note. I lost two pounds. I know it doesn’t sound like much. Since I have been messing up for a while it sounds great to me. I have doing great with my food for eight days and counting. I also started my P90x again. I have to say I am not whole heartedly doing P90x. I have to pleaded with myself to do it. But so far so good.

God in Devil out. God=good thought, future progress, living my dreams. Devil=negative thought, depression, nothing good happens especially my dreams.


Blind Faith (film)

I will begin with I did not grow up in church. I might have went to sunday school and handful of times. I have visited many churches. Usually because I was invited by someone. I have found many pastors moving. I have yet to make a commitment to any church.

For me I accepted god loves me the way I am. I believe pastors are human. I love listening to a pastor that motivates you to get through the week. But when I feel like they are all-knowing and can tell you what god said verbatim that is when they lose me.

For a long time I thought god was like Santa Claus, But he skipped my house when I was growing up. Long story.

Over the years I got very spiritual which is also a long story. I had blind faith. I was fearless and ready for any challenge. I was moving to GA with nothing. No job, a couch to sleep on and a car. My uncle told me I would be back. He had no faith I would succeed. I would be back home with my tail between my legs. I told him god had my back.

Fast forward 12 years later. I have to say my blessing have come in many shapes and forms. It is so easy to remember the bad things. I need my faith back. I decided I wasn’t going to think about the short sale any more yesterday. I needed a break from worrying. I have to work on a letter for the short sale. I am going to start it today or tomorrow. I can’t predict the future all I can do is the next right thing.

I am going to try to document all my blessing. They so easily forgotten. So the next series of blogging will be my blessing. I will have them in black and white.