I wish everyone a great holiday and many more. This year I am going to focus on being blessed. I have many things to be thankful for. Granted I look at my life and see gaping holes that I want filled. I desire things that I haven’t been able to make happen. It really gets to me at time.
This up coming year I know will bring new blessing. I have a feeling my life will be changing. I am staying focused on the positive. Which is very difficult for me because I am such a negative person. I am going to work on the Laws of Attraction this year. When I put my heart in soul into that state of thinking, Great things were happening.
Then I fell off as usual with everything I try to do. I need to stop focussing on the past which I cannot change. My head has been stuck in my past mistakes. How I wish I had baby desires earlier. How I wish I sold my house before the housing crash. How I wish I should have given that guy a chance who really wanted me. I can wish all I want, but those things will not change.
My plan is to leave those things in the past. It is hard but I am really trying to work on it.
My coffee date did not happen this weekend. I received a rain check due to a work Christmas party. Men confuse me to the tenth degree. I didn’t hear from him for the entire weekend. Then I check my email on Sunday night and he sent me emails. I am thinking why didn’t you call me. Who sends emails on the weekend to stay in touch. During the week it is cool . I check my email all day at work. I emailed him back and said you could have called. When has picking up the phone become so taboo.
Well with his lack of attention I worked on my new blog. Which took a whole lot longer than anticipated. I swear my bright ideas always sound great until I have to put work into them. Well a new guy hit me up online. He is not actually new. We have talked online a few weeks ago. He asked me via IM if I had any prospects. I told him one which was the coffee date that went bust. He seemed disappointed he was not on my list. I told him he is some random dude online. I haven’t even talked to him on the phone. If he wants to be on the list he needs to get in the game. I received a call that night. I guess he took me seriously about getting in the game. I told him you can’t stand on the sidelines to be a first round draft pick. He is really into sports so he found me hilarious. Either way we talked and text all weekend. He is 28 6’2 and has a cute smile. I am eight years older than this guy. He doesn’t seem to mind so I guess I don’t either. I think I need to be 15 years older to really be a cougar but hey 8 years is a lot of years in my book.
I have no reason not to talk to him. So far so good. He hasn’t been inappropriate in any way and so far seems like a nice guy. I obviously still got it if the youngings are trying to get my attention. I shouldn’t be shocked, I have been told I look young. I don’t see it but hey it is great for the ego. Santa might bring me a cub for Christmas!!!
The new guy has been holding my attention. We haven’t made plans for a date but that is fine. I might be seeing him this weekend. I am not in a Christmas mood at all. Actually I never celebrate. When I became a teenager my mother wouldn’t even go shopping and wrap anything anymore. She asked me what I wanted and gave me the money. We stop putting up the tree or even thinking about doing all the traditional things. On a few occasions my mother did decorate the porch with lights. In yearly fashion she would be too lazy to take them down and they would sit up there for months and months.
I guess I am not a holiday person. Or a birthday person either. I never really care about celebrating my birthday. I guess I am a person that doesn’t make a big deal out of much. I did request money for my new security door from my family. My mom and my aunt said they will chip in. We will see how that goes down. Presently it is sitting on my credit card waiting for Home Depot to get their ass in gear and install it.
I bought some photo editing software to start my new little project. Well it is actually a big project. I am starting a new blog that is more of a soap opera with pictures. I like to be creative and keep those juices flowing. I am going to use my game the Sims 3 to create my dramas. So I went to Best Buy and tried to purchase an easy Photo editing software. With it being the Christmas season no one was helping me. I actually saw a few employee standing around but I wasn’t in the mood to chase them down. I picked up this program and brought it to the cashier and asked if I could return it. She said yes within 30 days. So I thought I would give it a try if I don’t like it bring it back.
I was banging my head against the wall all night with this program. I was returning it the next day. I get to a different Best Buy. They tell me it can’t be returned by federal law when software is opened it cannot be returned. Now if I knew this information before I bought it, I would have taken more time with this purchase. I was also pissed because I saw it on Amazon.com for half the price with free shipping.
I was going to walk out the door and take my 80.00 lump in my bank account for nothing. As I walked to the door I thought hell no. The lady told me I could return it. So I proceeded to have a manager called and explained my situation. I was being dramatic which was just a tactic to get my money back. I was thinking 80.00 on something I am not going to use. I can put that money on the door I just bought. She returned it. I told her Merry Christmas and thank you. It was very nice of her since the law was in her favor. Even thought employees told me I could return it.
I went home and found some free wear GIMP. It is great and easy to use. Well it isn’t that easy to use. YouTube has a bunch of tutorials on how to use it. Which is great I need a visual explanation not written. I love YouTube, I don’t know what I did with out it. So here is my first draft of what I was working on.
I have written before how the holidays are not my thing. My grandmother died when I was 18. After she was put in the grave I could careless about Holidays. I thought my interest would pick up when I have kids. I never given birth so the interests in holidays has stayed the same.
Usually a friend will look at my situation as pitiful and request my present at their house. I do appreciate all the invitations I received over the years. I have sat at many non family members Thanksgiving and Christmas table.
I don’t feel like going anywhere this year. I just want to enjoy my day off. I am trying to decided if I am going to head to Wal-Mart at 10pm to get that 100 dollar Wii. I wanted a Wii for a long time. The problem is will I lose interest in it. I will be so excited because it is a new toy and than six months later it hasn’t been touched.
Did I also mention I hate crowds. I have never been shopping on black Friday. I don’t like being around a bunch of people. It isn’t a phobia, more like an annoyance. The 100 buck Wii is also the base equipment. I would have to add to it with equipment and games. More and more this sounds like it isn’t going to happen. I don’t think I want it that much.
Wow that was quick I officially talked myself out of the Wii. I do play computer games. I am addicted to the Sims 3. Yes I play the Sims. I haven’t played in over a month. Due to my cousin had the game to and a we would do challenges against each other. When her game was destroyed by a computer virus I put it down.
You have to understand the sims is a virtual reality game. Which was really created for pre teens. I found out that computer hackers all over the world have created mods to make a very PG game, R or X- rated game. It is my own personal soap opera. Example: One of our challenges was to create a single guy and see how many kids he can produce across the town. This was not a challenge I created it. I found it on a Sims website. Where they showed a family tree with over 100 offspring.
I haven’t been motivated to sit in front of a computer and play a fictional life. I been feeling I need to pay more attending to my life. Not to say I won’t play my game again. I haven’t been in the mood recently.
Who knows maybe I will turn it on during the Thanksgiving break.
These B.S. dates I have been having really has made me think. What was the best date of my life. I have to say it was over 13 years ago. I was in my twenties. I met this guy at a happy hour. I blew him off because I was in a relationship. With another asshole from my past. We broke up a week before Christmas. Then I ran into this guy again at a New Years Eve party.
I remember it was going to be 1999. They were playing the prince song all night. I think I hit on him to let him know I was single. We planned a date for the next week. He took me to the movies, which was late. It started around 10pm. After the movie I stated I didn’t feel like going home. He said we can do something depending on hour adventurous I was. I was like damn I got into a car with a crazy person. Or he just wants sex. Either way I was uncomfortable.
He gave me a sly smile and said let’s go to the casino’s in Connecticut. I was blown away. I immediately called my mom and informed her I wouldn’t be back to the next day. We were off. We didn’t get there until 2am. I played the slots and he taught me how to play craps. I was up 80.00 and lost it all. Drinks were free and I enjoyed diet coke at the time. I don’t drink (long story). I had the best time. We hit the buffet for breakfast at 6am before we left.
We could barely keep our eyes open driving home. I have to say to date that is still my best date. I dated that guy for about a year. It was one of the complicated relationships where he was dating me and other people at the time. regardless of the relationship issues he sure knew how to treat a woman. Dinner, dancing, gifts and affection. Which was the reason I let the relationship last a while even after I found out about the other women.
Did I mention he was 13 years older. I thought there were other women but never asked. I didn’t want the answers, so I didn’t ask the question. It was thrown in my face when we went to a comedy show at Harvard. I requested for him to get me a diet coke. While he was at the bar this woman comes up to me. I later found out she was in her early 40’s. She asked me how I knew him and what was our relationship. She was friendly and I was about to answers her questions. Then I thought who the hell is this bitch. He walked over no coke in hand. He must have saw what was going on. He walked passed her and went straight to me. He asked me what did she say and was I alright. Well that set this chick off and she started screaming at him. Yes I was in my 20’s but I have never been about drama and told him to take care of his business and I walked away. Thank god my girls also went to this comedy show. This actually all happened at the after party. Later he meets me in the party. I asked him who was the woman he evaded the question. I told him I still wanted my coke. It was about four bucks for a coke and I wasn’t paying for it. So now we are at the bar. He is at the right of me and the woman who caused the scene came to my left. Still being nice. Not yelling or being rude. She was talking to me like we were friends. Informing me of her relationship with him. It sounded like she was trying to convince me to leave him so she can have him.
I looked her in the face and said ” Look hun he might have lied to you. He has never lied to me so you need to take that up with him” Which was true. I never asked him if he was dating someone besides me. We never labelled our relationship. Well my young behind saying that to this woman set her off. She tried to through my four dollar soda in his face. I told her hell no buy your own. I picked up my drink and walked away. She caused another scene to the point they both were asked to leave. Thank god my friend could drive me home.
He treated me like a princess what can I say. It was hard to give up. I wonder what he is doing now. I tried Facebook with no luck. I hope he seattle down with just one not many. I have to say that was his only flaw!!