Baby Project #4

20130315_064920 (1)I got a double line on the Wondfo ovulation kit. The clear blue easy no happy face. I think the Wondfo is more sensitive.

Mr. Man is out-of-town until tomorrow. We will see if another attempt gets underway. I am not banking on it. On a brighter note I am going dancing with the girls tomorrow night. I feel fat and don’t really feel like it.

I do need to get out of the house. I want to go and dance and have fun. I been spending to many weekends running errands and not trying to have fun.

I had to pick another damn sperm donor. This is getting ridiculousness  My third choice that is CMV – is not out of quarantine.

The bank I am using is small and less expensive as the rest. So I am calling to get the updates of inventory. There website clearly is not updated on a regular basis.

My right side has been spasming for about an hour. It is tingle more than a pain. It kind of feel electric. I am not sure if this my ovaries telling me it is working. Or some blow back from the HSG test. It isn’t painful as much as annoying.

It is Friday and I am happy. I am going to try to make it to acupuncture, try to do the baby dance,pay some bills aggressively, go dancing and do my taxes.

I am trying to accomplish a lot this weekend. Hopefully I am successful. I did scratch several of my lottery tickets. I won 30 bucks. Of course I reinvested  Got to play to win.


Depression Deffered


Image by Robbert van der Steeg via Flickr

I have been depressed for a while. I guess it has been obvious. I finally admitted it to myself and others. I wanted the pity from my family and friends. My aunt was on point with feeling bad for me. It was so soothing and felt good. We all know misery loves company.

Then my friend called to invite me out to Old school. Old school is a monthly party in one of the mid-town hotels. Yeah I am old enough to appreciate a party called Old School. I have actually been going to this party on and off for about ten years. They play a medley of the 80’s and 90’s. Which is actually the music I love. R&B and Hip Hop was the best during those two decades.

I gave my friend the same sob story I gave my aunt. She was not having it at all. She gave me a verbal tongue lashing. Told me to shit or get off the pot. I cannot sit here in the house and feel pitiful. I need to live my life and not be depressed. It made sense but I did not want to hear it. There are a few things she said about my fears that I need to work through. My fears run deep and I don’t believe that will be cured any time soon. I told her I didn’t feel like it and ended the conversation.

I came home and put away my grocery. Yelled at Mr. Shitty paints. I found a pee stain on my carpet that I hadn’t noticed. Then I turned on my t.v. and started to think of how pitiful I was. That lasted an hour. I got up and went shopping for an outfit to go out.  I am going to shake what my mama gave me at Old School. I went to the tiny bopper store. I want to look cute and ready to get my groove on. I bought some skinny jeans. They are not as skinny as they use to be. I am working on that. I found out this store had longs in their paints. Which is a highlight in my world. The little things that make me happy.

I bought a shirt with sequence butterfly on it. Hard to picture but very cute. I also bought earrings and some boots. Yes I went all out. I got a lot of help from one of the girls working there. Which is actually one of the reason I love this store. The workers act like personal stylist. I said that to the woman who helped me and another woman agreed with me. On the way home I got my eyebrows arched. I have been letting them grow out due to them being too thin from not letting my usual lady do them. So lately I have been looking like a wolf. Since I haven’t been feeling that great these days it really didn’t bother me. For a night on the time I needed to handle to unnecessary hair.

I am going out to dance my booty off and have a good time. I am not looking for a man. I have to state that due to the eligible men at an event would always been on my mind. I am just going to have fun and get out of myself.