Depression and complaining

I am not a complainer. I have suffered from depression my whole life. Doctors have always said it isn’t bad enough to go on drugs. Which I don’t want to go on drugs. I took them one time and the outcome was crazy. I have enough drugs I have to take for my neurological¬†condition.

So a friend said she had a bone to pick with me. No need to go into all of it. Then I said look I am depressed and have a lot going on in my life. She said to see a therapist. I told her where am I supposed to fit that in. Here are my issues with a therapist. You have to have time for them. Which I don’t. It is hard to find one you like. Not all therapist are equal. I have been to therapist lets say five times in my life. I only had success with one. The woman that was there for me when I had all those miscarriages and thought I would never be a mother. That lady was great.

My friend said why didn’t I say anything to her about my depression. I am not a complainer. Complaining doesn’t get anyone anywhere. I know a few women in my life that will let the complaints fly. Now I there is a difference from sharing the hard things going on in your life to straight up complaining. I have friends I share with. Complaining I don’t do. There is nothing to be gained. What can anyone do about my depression.¬†I can’t do anything about anyone else depression.

I am not a therapist and I actually have a friend finishing a school for therapy. She said we are friends and she can’t be my therapist. I still run things by her. LOLOL.

I remember someone telling me why  complain no one is listening.!!!

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Life and more life!!

I went to my family reunion feeling like a stranger. A lot of them new each other. Spent summers together and close. I was trying to figure out how I was related to these people. Who was related and who was a guest of someone else. Everyone was very nice. I did try to connect with one cousin my age who lived close. She wasn’t receptive at all. I don’t beg people to be my friend. I let that drop.

For the most part my mother and I are okay. Granted living with someone else can be a challenge. She does get her attitudes that drive me insane. But she does do a lot. Ava would not go to sleep. Screaming her ass off. It was one am. My mother came and got her. She ended up sleeping in her room. I woke up for work with a few hours of sleep. She said she didn’t go to sleep until 3am. I was so thankful to have my mother at that moment. Those moments make me feel like I made the right decision. That is not how I feel everyday believe me. But I need to start appreciating the good and stop bitching.

The house is getting together. We got the floors done in the living room and dinning. My mother and I are going half on the living room set. We ended up getting the one my mother wanted. I really didn’t care either way. It made her happy so I thought why not. It was also more money. It is coming on Saturday.

I am the queen of listing my mother defects. I am sure she is the queen of listing mine.I am going to try and do better.

I might have a date. Our stairs were cracked during the blizzard. My aunt and I was driving by and found a masonry to fix the stairs. She did more the talking. So this was more then four months ago. Five different people came and looked at the stairs. My mother and I were concerned about a lawsuit if someone hurt themselves. It is not all her fault, but my aunt takes forever to do anything.

Anywho, my mother ended up calling the guy my aunt and I met. So I came home from work and he was working bent over on the stairs. I asked him could he look at the check to make sure we spelled his name correct. He asked me if I was married as I walked away. Which I totally missed. My mother heard listening from the window. Oh yes she is nosy as hell. But in this incident it helped me. I ended up going back outside. He asked me if I was single. He is so damn sexy. I am in shocked he hit on me. He is also 36. LOL I am robbing the cradle. I am not going to pursue until our stair are finished. Which hopefully will be tomorrow.