When Ava is not feeling well, I feel horrible. Especially, since she cannot tell me what is wrong. So she has had diarrhea for two days. Which has created a crazy diaper rash? I swear I saw a little blood. All this scared me. I ran to Urgent Care. I was twenty minutes too late. So calling in sick to take my baby to the doctors. I can’t sleep on anything my baby needs.

I put it out to my Facebook group. Someone suggested I apply for FLMA. I think I am going to take advantage of that. I never want my being out for my daughter counting against me.

Clearly, she is uncomfortable. Whipping her is painful. I looked it up on WebMD. Why the hell did I do that? It said she might have an infection. My mother had a death trap car and doesn’t take Ava out by herself. So I have no other options to take her to the doctors. I am a solo mission in many ways. I wish I had a sister. I always wanted a good sibling.

I am still thinking of another baby. Granted the desire seems to fade every day. Especially with the challenges with Ava. God can do anything. I guess I need to pray more.


Coffee late at night!

It is 8:30pm and I am drinking coffee. I like the taste and I have somethings to do and passing out right now is not one of them. I was so tired this morning I gave my child a bottle and put on some cartoons and went to sleep. I really didn’t think it would work. It did to my surprise. My child shocks me every day.

She also has the beginnings of diaper rash. I felt awful. I must be the worst parent in the world. I know it is because she sleeps so long and I am sure that diaper is wet. I am not going to wake her up to change it. So I decided she is getting a bath every night. I am also going to put diaper rash cream and powder before she goes to bed. To protect my baby from rash. I felt so bad. It is isn’t cleared up in a few days we are headed to the doctors. I am shocked how much time I have spent in the doctor’s office.

I went to the single mother by choice meeting this past Sunday. It was an eye opener. I think I am going to become a regular. There were two people there with twins. Remember I wanted twins. Well god knew better. It was a bit of a drive. But Ava did not freak out in the meeting. She talked and looked and engaged as much as a five month could possible do. I was impressed she didn’t melt down. Now on the way back in the car is a totally different story.

Someone has a crush on me. He is around my age. He is my cousin friend of a friend. He has been handling the family plumbing since 2000. He wants to take me out. There is a lot of complication to this. We will see. It is nice to be hit on.

I have to finish Ava blanket. I finished her nursery. But I have made blankets for a bunch of people. I need to finish the one for my child. The most important person in my life ever. It is pink, chocolate and white like her nursery. I will put in pictures of her nursery once I am done with the blanket.2014-10-13 20.33.58