Graduating EI

The end of the Early intervention. All her therapist came to my house when I was at work of course. I bought a cake for everyone. Which said Ava graduation. No one took a picture for me. When I talked to my mom they already ate it.

When I called them I thought they would have my baby talking in no time. Little did I know when I called them I would be going down the rabbit hole of diagnosis, therapist, Autism, ABA, advocacy, and stress. My life has taken a turned I can’t say I was prepared for. I gained 50 pounds eating out of stress and worry for my baby future.

Even though she has made massive improvements. She still has not spoken a word. Which is the reason I called them in the first place?  Advocacy for my child is my number one priority. EI told me they have parents that tell them not to come back when they suggest they get a diagnosis of autism. I pray for those babies that someone will help them.

I took her diagnosis very personal. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? What did I not pay attention to? Ill prepared for any of this. I had many nights crying in my pillow. Until I met other autism parents, I realized I am not a freak. A lot of these mothers are crying and eating the pain away.  With the crying and eating they still get up and take care of their kids and advocate for their success. The tears of the mother are the prayers to god to spare their baby from any struggles or pain.  Life is not paved in gold for anyone. We all have problems and things we have to deal with. I wouldn’t advise anyone to gain 50 pounds. If those 50 pounds keeps from a complete breakdown then eat dammit. I am sorry food got me through. I am working on getting it off now. But I am glad I ate than drank.  Thank god for that!!!

Early Intervention Ending

Ava will be three coming very soon. It is very bittersweet. We have had early intervention in our lives for half of her life. She has made some great strides. There has been a barrage of young women coming in and out of our home.

This will be a whole new normal. We had to get used to the home therapy, now we have to get use them not being here.

Ava is on a whole new journey. I am working on putting her in an Autism center. Which has not been an easy mission? I am stressed and worried about when this will happen. I will stop stressing when she finally starts her first day.

My baby is almost three. I haven’t heard mommy yet. Even writing it makes me want to cry. Life has thrown many curve balls. I am still praying for the reasoning and how to deal with some of my realities.

Homework??

Ava will be three soon. I am running around to find services through my health insurance. Which might be totally covered by my state. Pray for me on that one. It would help greatly financially if Ava is approved.

I talked to our possible speech therapist. We are on the waiting list for the time that works with our schedule. They said we didn’t have to come for the evaluation if I sent in the IEP.  There is an email system through my clinic that makes it easy to communicate with the doctors. Will the universe must have been on my side.

The speech therapist called me because she incorrectly sent me a note through the email system.  I took that opportunity to ask how much success she has had with autistic children talking.

She said to come to that canceled appointment so we can talk. She can’t tell me what to do without meeting Ava. Then she asked me if her present speech therapist given me homework. I said excuse me what?? She said we will discuss it during the appointment. She has several techniques to work on with Ava daily. I was so excited. I am ready for things I can do to help my baby talk. I am ready for her to talk my ear off.

I wish I knew about these techniques before. I was beating myself up for a few minutes that I should have found an outside speech therapist before now.  Then I came back to reality. When the hell would I have fit that in. She has a packed schedule of therapists.  Mommy guilt is real!!!!

Ava Special Needs

Well I went public. My blog is not inline with my YouTube channel. To be honest folks, I write a lot of these in advance. Then schedule them out to keep them going. It is all my life just not in real time. Sometimes!!! Unless I had a hard day and just needed to write.

This works for me to keep my blog alive weekly. Instead of letting it go for months with the lack of time in my life.

So Ava is autistic. I few of you guys figured it out. I am not embarrassed or ashamed. That is not the reason I didn’t answer anyone’s questions. I was going through a lot. Had to get a lot in place for my child. Had to work on her, and all her needs.

I had no idea what the word meant. I have cousin with autism. I really thought it was just hard to socialize and make friends. OMG it means a whole lot more than that. My closest friends and family has really been my comfort. When I was sitting in the doctors face. She approved my child for 25 hours a week of services. She said if there is no progress we will be having a different conversation the next time.

Well it has been a year. A lot of progress has been made in some areas. Not in all, but which can bother me at times. The therapist love to say we need to meet them where they are at. I met a mom and I have to steel what she said. I need to meet her where she needs to go not where she is at.

Early intervention think I am super mom. I feel I fall short from that title in many ways. I work a full time job. I have an hours worth of commute each way. I do go out my way to email them. Set goals I want to see happen. Sit down and talk to them when I can.

Tonight I wrote a proposal try and get parents evening and weekend training classes. I have not taken early childhood, speech or ABA classes. I need help in those areas so I can help my child.

I have already picked out her preschool. Please pray we get in. I have had a one on one with the assistant principal. I have things I want to work on implementing and goals I want her to reach. My baby is my pries possession. She will be doing testing for preschool hopefully this month. To start immediately when she turns 3 and the services end. Which in Massachusetts is 3.

Ok I know some will go into vaccines. I met a woman that delayed the vaccines and her daughter still got it. I did beat myself up for not doing a delayed schedule. Or some kind of way this is my fault. I had to let that go. None of that talk will help my daughter.

She will have challenges and I will be there to help her through everyone . …

Living life!!!

WHY do I like a man that frustrates the hell out of me. Or is that his job. He sure acts like he is getting paid.
Today is Ava speech therapy.  We are finally getting back to it now that the holidays are over. I know the results are not going to be instant. But I can keep hope alive. My mom is still not convinced we need all this. I feel we definitely do need it. It is also free, I have no reason to turn it down. All I see Are benefits in the long run.
I like my new job. Which is a blessing.  I have been in many situations where I couldn’t say that. The things we have to put up with to pay our bills. 
I am trying to figure out the formula for this low carb high fat diet.
Ok one version says count your calories. The other says you don’t have to. You can have almond as a snack in moderation. I took those almonds to the teenth power. Clearly no moderation for me. I messed up a few times. So starting again today.
I will go grocery shopping tonight.  Between the diet doctor website, the insulin resistance book and youtube. I think I have a good grocery list.
I also need to stop being the lazy ass I am and log my food. Myfitnesspal works and very simple. My laziness knows no bound. I did get on the treadmill on Tuesday for 15 minutes. That all my out of shape ass could take. Then Wednesday Dave and I went to pick up a freezer from my father. Thursday my late day at work. So two days no treadmill. My plan is to get on it today. As I said plan. I have the plan I need action steps.

Santa is not her friend!!!

Merry Christmas

She isn’t feeling the big Red guy at all. I got the picture at Walmart. The Santa was sitting there. I asked could we take a picture he said sure. I added the rest to the picture. I didn’t have to sit in a two hour line to get the same awful crying picture. Win, win!!!

I have all the gifts wrapped. Waiting for two presents in the mail. The guy I am dating which we will call Dave from now on. Dave and I drove to three stores last Wednesday to find the play kitchen. After all that traveling with no luck. I ended up ordering it online. I swear you can’t find anything in the stores any more. I also ordered my mother a toaster oven. Since she doesn’t read my blog the secret is safe. They should both be here by the 19th. 20151213_215908-1

I finally found a topper for the tree. I am happy with are Charlie Brown tree. I know I am dating myself with that reference. All the people around my age knows what I mean.

I didn’t do anything last year. She was so small. I doubt she has any understanding now. She did walk over and touch the presents like what is that.

I have a new doctor which I really like. I left that clinic I was at and went somewhere totally different. The woman took her time and was very patient with my concerns. I have to schedule a hearing test and I will be having a delay specialist consultation. All in all a productive visit. Just on a side note. When we are in the car and the music is playing, I swear she is singing with the song. Not totally sure, but it sure seems like it.

I was talking to another single mother by choice friend. We were discussing our children challenges.  There is nothing that could happen that would make me not want to be her mother. I love this little girl so much. More then myself. I cried  and begged god to bring me her. Now my Christmas are special again. My life is revitalized because she is a part of it. I am her mom and it the most important job of my life!!!!!!!

Not a fan of Ava doctor!!!

Okay in the interest of finding something for my child to do. She is sick. The day after the indoor gym, my baby was sick. By Tuesday I rushed her to urgent care. She was put on antibiotics. She had a raging ear infection.

Then today we went for her 18 month appointment. The doctor rushed through the appointment. I was not happy at all. For some reason she thinks I am a welfare mom. I only picked this heifer for convenience. To make it is worse she is a black woman. Putting me in the category of low income mom. I really didn’t like her when we first met her. My mom liked her. I am switching doctors on Monday.

She did give me the referral to get Ava’s hearing check. Now I am going to have her delays reviewed by a specialist. This is the same woman that thought I didn’t need to call early intervention. I need to be an advocate for my baby. She will always know Mom has her back.

Her speech therapist came on Friday. Ava was still sick and not in the mood for her. She understood and will be back next Friday.

The shining star in this whole situation. Is the new man in my life. Granted I talked to family members today. Also close friends, and expressed my feelings towards my child’s delays.

The new man in my life will be at her doctor’s appointment with me. Can I say WOW. That really made me like this man even more. My mother is not good in certain situations. It is for a man in my life to have my back. That has not been the case in many situations in my life. I felt like I was in a relationship and still going it alone. Hopefully he comes through. My friends said they hope he is the guy for me. I have to say I hope he is also.

We will see time and action will tell. We all know actions speak louder then words!!!!

Early intervention!!

No one wants anything to be wrong with there child. I prayed that I wouldn’t be one of those parents in denial. I felt something was wrong when I haven’t heard any real words out my baby mouth. The doctor told me it was okay, but I still felt it wasn’t. Her god mother told me to go with my gut.

My gut said I should be hearing mama by now. Everyone told me she is fine, but I didn’t feel that way. I called early intervention today. The woman said I was correct to be concerned. We are on are way to getting an evaluation. I pray there is nothing wrong. If there is I am in the state that helps babies for free with any delay. I will keep you posted. Please keep Ava and I in your prays. Regardless of the outcome I need the strength to handle all situations.

Need to write something!!

I know I have been putting my YOUTUBE video on my blog. I haven’t written much for this blog. I will work on doing better. I have a new mission in life. Spreading the word about the choice for women to be mother’s alone. I am a contributing writer for The Next Family. I also decided to hit up a few major magazines. We will see how it goes. All you can do is try. I have big dreams. Granted they are being molded by life more then planing.

In my court news. My car was in a garage that  the ceiling leaked a limestone acid on the passenger side. To the tune of 1,700 worth of damage. Of course I made them aware of this. I got it is free at will parking and there will be no reimbursement. You should see the look on my face even as I am typing this. I am not Boo, Boo.

There was a bit of drama that I can’t go into. Another person tried to get them to pay which I appreciated dearly. Ultimately it was to no avail. I then took my ass up to the court house put 50 bucks down and got a court date. With in three days of going to the court house, they wanted to pay all of a sudden. I am not bitter, I just want my money. You destroyed my property do what is right. They asked me to get another estimate. I said no, really wanted to say hell no. I knew I needed to be a little professional. I told them if you asked me to get more estimate when I first brought it to your attention. It would be no problem. The fact that I had to go to court. All I am doing is cashing a check.

Keep praying for me. I am waiting for something else to work out. I have a feeling everything is going according to plan. God has really had my back in so many different ways.

Ava is not really talking. The doctor says she is fine. I am going to have her check out by early intervention just to make sure. I need to always be my daughter advocate. They might say she is fine. Which will be music to my ears. Or that she needs a little help. I know she understand, that is clear. Her speech is not where I think it should be. I am not a professional but I also don’t want to be one of those parents in denial.

I actual called them before and they didn’t get back to me. I will be calling them everyday next week, until someone calls me back. That is called don’t play with mama!!! Thank you to all who read my blog and keeping up with Ava and I!!!

New job pronto!!

I am waiting to see if my company will settle there issue with me. Or small claims court here I come. I am not going to be walked over. As my aunt said I have education, I will find another job. If they make my job difficult they will have another lawsuit on there hands.

All this to say, I drank coffee at 9:30pm to work on many things. My YouTube channel. I will add the latest video at the end. My possible writing gig. Also looking for a new job. Not sure how much will be taken care of this evening. After two cups of coffee I am still yawning. I am going to make my best efforts.

I am concerned about Ava and her development. Her speech isn’t coming the way I think it should. I say think because I have no idea how this is supposed to happen. What I read on line she is not doing. I have a doctor’s appointment this Thursday coming up. I will discuss it with the doctor. See if she needs some early intervention. Which is free in Massachusetts.

I was talking to my friend who owned a daycare for a number of years. She told me what to do, to help her speech. Then she heard her say up on the phone. I didn’t hear it. Now I am starting to think I need to have my hearing check. With bum ass job and it B.S. health insurance. I will wait until I get another job and better benefits. I know that sounds crazy. But I can’t afford to get sick. Even the benefits lady who was telling us about it called it the don’t get sick plan. Is corp America really that bad. I would have to say hell yes.

I want another baby. I know right I must be smoking crack. As much as I bitch and complain. I think we would be complete as a family of three. Just a dream at the moment. Something to pray about. Hey Ava was just a thought also. I believe it can be possible. I know I will have less help because my mother is doing the best she can now and it is a stretch. Reality is a bitch!!! My fantasy world is amazing!!!