Quality time!!

The man and I had a little while to ourselves. My daughter loves her show on the sprout network. So while she was entertained. We spent two shows together. I know that is a damn shame. Such is my life. I love my mom. I will start with that statement. To put things into perspective. She drives me completely crazy. I have had several roommate situation. Everyone things I am great. My mother wants to make me 12 again, and bitch about nonsense. She is the one who has always had drama in living situation. I am starting to realize the factor in her drama is her.

She gets in these moods and then she wants to be mad at everything. So today I was supposed to get my nails done. I usually do them myself. Ava is not the kids to wait patiently anywhere.  My mother watches her all the time. I asked her and it seems to fall through every time. I don’t mind doing my own nails. The feet and hands needs some professional attention. Then I can go back to doing it myself.

So I complained to the man, and he said he would go with me and Ava. He would watch her in the shop. If she gets out of hand he would take her to the car. Sounded great. Even thought he can be hard to catch up with. My mom took that as a slight and said why you going to do that. I will watch her. Why, Why did I fall for that shit. I was supposed to get my nails done last week. I said well lets wait until Sunday it is raining. I should have jumped at the chance.

She came home with an attitude. I didn’t wash the dishes ( Long story which is it own type of crazy) There was four dishes in the sink and sweet Jesus I wish I washed them now. She got her attitude. Which I know has nothing to do with the damn dishes. She is just in a bad mood. I am hear, I have to listen to the crazy.

Sunday comes she lets me take a nap. Great I am thinking her mood is over. After I wake up feed Ava and think OK going to get my nails done. Feeling like a felon about to be out on release. She starts yelling. My mother doesn’t talk when she mad. Everything is yelling. I tend to do it also. I apologize to the man when necessary. I feed Ava put her to sleep, which was supposed to be the nail time. Moms took a shower, got dressed and left.

I wasn’t in shock more expected. She might come back and say I can go. She might not speak to me all day. Who knows how this is going to play out. When I didn’t have a child in the mix that I need her help with. This wouldn’t be a problem at all. Her moods would be just that when I lived here. Now having a child in situation and I need her help I am stuck. I hate when someone has the upper hand on me. It drives me crazy. One of the reason I left and moved so far away. I know this isn’t the biggest problem in the world. My hands and feet will be alright until I get them done. It is just a pain in the ass.

Family Drama!

I asked myself after this weekend. Why do I want to move home? Am I insane? I called my mother to ask had she talked to my aunt . She hadn’t called me all day which is unusual.

I should have left dead dogs lie. I love my aunt. But over the years we have a love hate relationship. I have let a lot of resentments go where she is concern. That would mean something to her if she ever thought she did anything wrong. It is hard to say what you need to say, to someone who is the forever victim. A person who is very selfish and her pain trumps anyone elses.

She did something this weekend that hurt my soul so bad. Now my mom feels guilty for telling me what happened. I am the type that because we have the same blood does not give you a pass. I called her several times to discuss this. I did leave a very bad message on her answering machine. Which I was going to apologize about. She wouldn’t pick up the phone. I talked to my cousin about it. I felt bad putting him in the middle. But I have no one else to feel my pain.

She finally called me. For an emergency situation nothing to do with the issues. I tried to help and tried to discuss the issue and I got a I am sorry which she was yelling and didn’t sound sincere at all.  I yelled back you called me don’t yell at me. If she thinks I am accepting that apology she is on crack. I called my cousin and told him he better talk to her because I will never speak to her again. I hate to say it but he knows I will do it.

My cousin and I briefly talked and he said she was going to talk to me tomorrow. I will make it clear. I am not coming home to drama. We need to see what her explanation for herself is in this situation. I let a lot of things go with this aunt. This issue it isn’t going to happen. So we will see!! I am a grown woman and do not have to deal with crap.

Family does not get a pass to treat me like crap!!! We will see if she calls or not!! I am just so feed up. As a friend said you can pick your family you are just stuck with your family.

TGIF

I am so damn happy the weekend is almost here. So much has gone on this week.

House update. My mortgage company was faxed over 50 pages of information. I am hoping this process goes smoothly.  Then I will be closer to moving home. Not looking forward to packing. I will be moving twice first move with a friend. Next to Massachusetts.

I am so ready to start TTC. I have two girlfriends on board. They are keeping their baby stuff to give me. I love when people are in the positive. I told my dad my plans. He keeps telling me you can’t plan your life. One day at a time. OK you have to plan somethings. I ended up yelling at the man to just listen to my plans. If it doesn’t work out I will make adjustments as I go. I just wanted him to listen.

Then the question maybe you can meet a guy and do it the old fashion way? I wanted to scream don’t you think I want that also. I let it go!! This is not my first choice. If people don’t get that, I am done explaining. Then my aunt was upset that my sperm donor I picked out was white. I haven’t made a finally decision but the sperm bank I pick doesn’t have any other races. I will have to admit the price is one of the biggest reasons for picking this particular bank. I could careless about race. Race wasn’t a factor in my choice at all.

It is hard to deal with people’s hang ups. She kept saying you didn’t tell me that. I did tell her, obviously she doesn’t listen to me. Clearly she didn’t read my article. Which is another issue. Lack of support from family. This aunt in particular will complain about family not being there for each other. But she can be at the top of that list. I sent her my article. It has almost been two weeks and she never read it. I was so proud for it to be posted in the SMC newsletter.

I said something to her about hurting my feelings. She instantly dismissed it. I started yelling at her. You are such a hypocrite in so many words. Then I stopped myself and said just apologize and I will move on. She said sorry but I know she didn’t mean it and won’t read it. Insanity is doing things over and over and expecting different results. If I am looking for her to take an interest and be proud of my accomplishments that isn’t going to happen. So I am done including her. I will not send or have her involved in anything else. My mother is so different she will read what ever I do cover to cover. I really need to send it to her. She is never on a computer these days. So I didn’t bother emailing  her. I always feel my mother being proud of me. Her sister not so much.

My aunt will request to be treated a certain way. Will complain if she feels slighted in any way. But she does the exact same thing to people that she complains about. Next time she does that crap I am going to tell her do un to others as you want done to yourself!!  I love my aunt I just have to accept her the way she is, I wish she would do the same with me. I doubt it but I will keep hope alive for that one.