22 DPO

I think I am counting correctly. I know my period is a no-show. I thought I saw a brown spot when I was in the bathroom. Checked again and nothing. I have to say I am happy and nervous. I been having something going on in my abdomen. I am not going to call it pains. Cramps and some spasing in the couchie area.

So I talked to my father last night. I haven’t filled him in on what I am doing. All I said is I am still working on having a baby. He said can we do this the natural way. I said what do you mean. He said a man and a woman, maybe a husband. Dad a husband isn’t easy to find. Yes it is, a good one is hard to find LMAO. We both laughed.

I will tell him eventually I guess, maybe. I did tell him he will be babysitting. I got the speech I live my life one day at a time. Yeah, Yeah you will be babysitting. I heard him talking to my step sister, Who lives upstairs with her kids. I said ask her if she would babysit. She asked if I was pregnant. I am positive my father hasn’t told her anything. She said she would babysit. Her youngest is in high school. Everyone loves babies. I would want her to help my father more than babysit. Either way I am not doing all this to have my kids with other people all the time. I am building my network, village, folks. What ever you want to call it. When I do need someone, I need to know who will be on the list.

I sleep allot. I am nervous about having a baby and sleep deprivation. My medication makes me very tired. I am going to the neurologist to see what I can do about that. I am going the end of October. So I should know if I am pregnant by then.


I learned something yesterday!

I was sick as a dog yesterday. My throat was hurting the day I walked into to work. I swear my job can be a cesspool of germs. Someone is always coughing or yakking. Well I knew I picked up something because my throat was on fire. I made it through the day, doped myself up with over counter drugs and went to bed. I woke up the next day worse. When I walked Mr. Shitty paints and felt like I was going to pass out, I knew I would not be going to work.

It really made me think deeply about having children by myself. I could barely function. How would I have been able to take care of a child in that condition. I am still sick now. I was having issues taking care of my dog. Now I am firm if I go down this road I am going to have to move home. I am not the type to ask for help. I don’t have that big of a social circle. I also feel I might put myself out more than I would get back. Now I can’t say that for sure. You never know until something happens who really has your back. I know being an introvert doesn’t help with single motherhood.

I have been prone to being used over the years. That is why I don’t have many close friends. I know my mom and dad would have no problem filling in if I was sick. This would be there grandchild. The grandchild they have been waiting for.

Boston is not top on my list of places to live. After yesterday it might be my only choice.