Death is Hard

It happens in three. I am not looking forward to hearing who the next person will be. My mother close friend of 40 years has died. He would do anything for my mom. He had a very difficult life. Alcohol and drugs. His wife finally puts him out and it went downhill from there. He had a lot of medical problems. He really didn’t have a home and was jumping place to place.

He died on a bus. He had a heart attack. I feel sorry for him and my mom for losing a very good friend. Shortly after I hear about his death. My good friend’s sister-in-law died. She was young in her 40’s. Leaving behind a young child. Her husband my close friend’s brother has been through a lot with his wife illness. This didn’t just happen she has been going through it for several years now. He is such a good guy. That is a guy I want dammit. The one who will be there for all the bullshit life throws at you.

We all went to High School together. He is a few years older. I did have a little crush on him back in the day. I see him at my friend’s events for her kids. I just saw his wife at the last birthday party event. She was in rough shape and I spoke as usual not drawing attention to what was clearly obvious.

Nothing is promised. Even our lives. I need to appreciate all my blessing. I have a lot of them that sometimes I feel I don’t keep in the front of my mind. My daughter needs me. I need to thank God every day I am here for her.

That woman son needed her. Now she for whatever twist of fate will not be there for him. #AppreciateLIFE!!!


The plan!

The man and I have a plan to live together. The sooner the better in my mind. With all the bitching I do about my mom. I could be going into the gates of hell living with The Man. We argue and pretty much don’t agree on much. Which I know sounds crazy. Also living with someone can be the demise of a relationship.

As long as I can get him on my program. I think we will be fine. My mother literally cleans everyday. That is because she is home with Ava everyday. Growing up that is not how this house was run at all. There was five of us here. We were all coming and going all week. We would clean on Saturday’s. Everyone had a job to do. My lazy butt in my adulthood translated that Saturday’s to Sunday’s. I clean and do all the laundry to be ready for the next week.

It worked for me. I like going into the week with a clean house. There is no time to do that everyday. Also growing my up my Nana had a rule, no one is allowed to visit unless the house is clean. I totally agree, and carried that rule to my adulthood. Now with not cleaning all week. If someone was coming over on a Wed for what ever reason. I can get my house looking decent in 30 minutes. To get a perspective of how bad I let the house get.

The issues with The Man, I will be doing a lot. He works for himself and is always on his hustle. If I can get this fatigue crap out of my life I know I can handle it. This plan also includes the second baby. With Ava issues I now am totally on board to giving birth again. I have a friend going through the same thing with her child. She had two kids. Her husband stated that they should have more kids just in case there daughter needs a lot of help as an adult. I am praying that, is not the case for my daughter. I would be lying if I wasn’t  a big factor of me having a second baby. We are in the beginning stages of what she is going through and hopefully we can reverse it.  I know I am being cryptic, I am not ready to put it out there.  I might never explain or maybe I will change my mind. I am keeping it close to the vest with only a few close friends and family know the whole situation. I need to make lemonade our or my lemons.