So Damn Tired!!!

I went to bed at 8pm. I woke up a few times to pee and get some gingerale because my stomach was sick. I am falling asleep at my desk at work. I am so, so, so tired. How do people have so many children. How do they deal with the older ones feeling like they are about to pass out. I guess it pays to have a good partner. I found out sour icebreakers make me feel better for a few minutes. Now my tongue is burning from all the sour candy. I can’t win lol!! I can’t say I am loving pregnancy at the moment. I can see how people only do this once.

I have a bunch of fears that I need to work on. I am debt. I have been in debt for a while and I hate it. I think it is a reality of life, but a hard one to swallow. Now when I go home with baby/babies in hand and get a good job. Which I am worried about. Getting a good job is on my list of things to do. The question is how easy is it to do in Boston. I have no idea. I left Boston doing one thing, now coming back I am doing something totally different. My goal when I do get everything together and a job is to get out of debt. I feel it hanging over my head.

I look at the job listing from time to time. I hate the job listing because they always give you the professional bullshit of what you do at the job. You could be shuffling paper and data entry busy work. They make it sound complicated. I want a job that is not stressful. Which I feel is hard to find in this day and age. I know I need to stop worry about something so far down the line. I have a cousin that worries about absolutely nothing. It is so effortless to her to not stress. That is so not me!!

I need to work on being more like her with the lack of stressing. Stressing about something doesn’t make you feel better or fix the problem or issue. It useless worrying. I know this but it is so hard not to do!!!

Life throws curve balls!!

My computer cost 300 bucks to fixed. The motherboard was fried. The answer to that is hell no. The desktop was five years old and I believe I only spent $500 dollars on it. So I headed to Micro-center to get a new computer. The sales person told me they have a 12 month no interest credit card. I thought I hit the jackpot because I was going to charge it.  I was planning to purchased all my electronic needs with my new credit card.

I got denied. I sat there and looked at the boy conveying the news that my credit was shit. I feel bad for him because I went off. I have never been denied credit in my life. Even with my short sale I still have A credit. Which lowered from my A+ credit. I was about to walk away in shame and then said wait you didn’t call me. He said what do you mean. I have  fraud alert on my credit. So no one can steal my identity. I am supposed to get a phone call when anyone opens credit on this account. Then the manager got involved. We called Wells Fargo and they asked me a few question on my credit report and I was approved for 2,200 bucks. I knew that denial was bullshit.

After that was cleared up I bought a desktop and all in one printer , and a camera. I had to carry all that up three flights of stairs with my old desktop. It took a minute but got done. Then I moved a box in my house. I heard my back pop and I was done. My back was jacked up. My cousin came to get my old printer. Never get anything Brother it was piece of shit. Drove me crazy to set up. Every time the lights went out because of a storm or something, I had to set it up again. I was happy to get rid of it. She brought me a heating pad. I woke up the next morning and couldn’t get out of bed. I did make it to the bathroom eventually.

I been out of work for two and a half days. I did get some muscle relaxers from the doctor, with some high-powered ibuprofen. I went to work. I am walking like a 80-year-old woman. I got sick of laying in the bed all day. I haven’t even played with my new computer. Which is so unlike me. I also was supposed to have another insemination on Monday. There was no way I could sit in the car for 45 min to an hour. To get to his house. My back couldn’t take it. I rain checked. It is still possible I am pregnant. I did inseminate when I got the smiley face. Monday was two days later just to cover all bases. We will see what happens.

I forgot to mention, I lost 11 pounds. How the hell that happened I don’t know. I was reading this book about a dieting that my mom sent. I was going to begin the next day. The scale hasn’t been my friend in a long time. So I have kept it hidden and not gotten on it. Well I busted it out prison on Sunday morning, got on it. I lost 11 pounds. I thought to myself WTF. I am happy and confused. But going to keep it going more consciously then subconsciously like I have. Hears to more weight loss.

Annoyed!!

The best laid plans. I wanted to have a washer and dryer when I moved in. I coordinated with the leasing agent to open the door for the delivery people. Well his ass isn’t in the office at the moment. Which pisses me off, since I confirmed this with him a few days ago.

Well whoever is there told the delivery people who I don’t have a signed lease. Which is total bullshit. My lease is in my purse. I have paid them all the money from Friday until the end of the month. Now they took a lunch break. I been calling every five minutes  Not because I believe they will suddenly be there, but every time I think about it, I am dialing the number again.

Finally I got the manager on the phone. My lease does not start until Friday. She is willing to make an exception, and the young dude who told it will be okay is going to get in trouble. How about today is his day off. I am not feeling sorry for him. I had no idea I was doing anything wrong. I thought they do this all the time. I even called this fool two days ago to remind him. It is his damn day off. Clueless is all I can say. My friend who lives there said the staff is clueless. So I will tell her she is right!!

Now these people have me paranoid. I called my insurance company and tried to start my renters insurance pronto. They won’t start until 12:01 am. I can live with that. I pray for a smooth move on Friday. I need to breathe and let go and let god.

So the date I went on a little while ago. I thought I would text him. I wasn’t expecting much of a response because I felt he wasn’t interested. He actually did respond and said he had been busy. So we will see? I told him we could watch a movie at my place once it is together. I finally have a place to invite males over to.

I got two nice emails from two cute guys online today. Even though I take those things as a grain of salt. It is nice to hear you are gorgeous every now and again!!!

So much to do!

I am trying to keep it together. I did nothing last night. I am such a procrastination. I did go buy three more boxes. I didn’t put anything in them. 🙂

Tonight will be packing night. I also been trying to see the best way to handle this fertility stuff financially. I do plan to pay as much I can as I go. But if it is going to be on a credit card, or line or credit I want the lowest interest rate possible.

I need to put in a change of address. I am going to do that tomorrow. So do I want to push for my first insemination to be in March or April. I think fear is really starting to set in.  I need to jump and take suggestions. So I will wait until my doctors appt to make the call.

I called my sperm bank. They have 50 vials of the guy I want. I was trying to decided to buy a lot or pay as I go. I do desire two children. I am praying I get them at once.

If I do not have twins, the questions is do I care if they have different dads. I am leaning towards no. I know a lot of siblings with different dads. I guess it isn’t that big of a deal in this century. So no storing sperm. If they run out they run out. I do want to look at the list again. They have added five more people to their bank.

My pants are tight. I am not happy about it at all. Granted these are my small pants. When they are big on me I have a smile on my face. They have been getting tighter and tighter. I am not dying yet, and hope not to be.  I am not ready to deal with this. I will think about my weight again on Sunday. After my move, and hopefully fully un packed and ready to seattle in to my own space.

Stress always made me eat. Where I am, I feel stressed. So it is time to go. Three more days!!!

Packing Sucks!!

moving day

 

I have four days to get my stuff together. I started packing last night. It looks like I am only going to need two additional boxes. Am I ready for my own place? Yes!! I still hate the process of packing and moving.

 

I picked a mover and I hope I don’t get screwed but you never know. I am going to have to say a prayer and suck it up.

 

My roommate mom and I got in a argument on Friday. Thought I was going to be able to leave unscathed  I guess that was not meant to happen. People usually assume I am soft and a punk because I am quiet and giving.

 

Well this woman and I went toe to toe and it was ugly. She started with a back-handed apology that I was not going to accept. You know I was wrong but you do X kind of crap. She also insinuated I was listening to her conversation. Lets just say I let her have it!!!  I wished I could leave that day. Not because I am scared of her or anything. I just hate stressful environments. Well to my surprises she came back with a real apology. She said she was wrong no excuses. I have to say I was surprised and amazed. I thought hell just froze over. I accepted her apology and said a few things I had to get off my chest,  Now all is good in the hood. Hopefully until Friday at least when I make my exist.

 

I went to my complex to see if they will let me see the apartment. No luck it isn’t cleaned yet. I did run into my old co-worker and her husband. The reason I picked the apartment. She looked great. She had lost 40 pounds which I was very impressed. We talked for a while and I went to buy a few things for my new place I will be calling home.

 

I am waiting for my credit union to get back to me about that loan. Today is president day so it will not be today.

 

This would be a great time for a scratch ticket win. 🙂

 

I have six of them. Which I decided will not be scratched until I am in my own place.

 

My mom is coming to visit. I am excited, she has only been here once in 12 years. This time we are going to do more. My aunt is already getting ready for her visit. Then I have to take time off for my cousin/Brother wedding. (Cousin/Brother=he is more like a brother. No Jerry Springer situation LOL)

 

I am praying I get pregnant on the first try. I am sure everyone has that prayer. But god has been on a roll with me. I know it is possible  I also know myself. I am going to stack the deck with some Soy isoflavone with my clomid. That is if she gives me clomid. I have to wait to the doctor’s appt.

 

$217!!

The price of my ticket. Ok this crap is legal black male. I go into the court-house and was given two choices. Plead guilty pay 217.00 and they won’t report it to my insurance company or put points on your license. Or plead innocent and get  a court day for three months down the road.

Huh!! Choices, Choices. Well I paid. I have no idea where I will be in three months. GA or MA. I felt suckered.

I have to say these public servants were beyond friendly. This county workers actually like their jobs. I can’t sat that for all of them. Years ago I had a ticket in another county. That court-house you thought you were in prison they way they were talking to the public.

Another reason I paid is, MA car insurance is crazy high. I don’t need a moving violation to make it increase more.

My mortgage company is asking for paper work I already sent. That kind of pissed me off but nothing I can do about it. I also had a few other things I had to compile. I am going to try to have it all tomorrow.

Funny thing happened today. I called my boss to give him FYI. Just fill him in on something in case he ever comes across it. He asked me was I making plans to leave the company?

Now if you don’t know you need to know. You never let the right hand know what the left is doing. Or course not was my answer. This job is on a need to know basis. When they need to know is two weeks before I am ready to be out the door. No sooner!!

Being Sick is no fun!

I woke up this morning feeling ill. I have been feeling this way for a long time. Stomach issues have pledge me for a few months. I am a non doctor person. I do make it to a yearly physical. Any other aches and pains I feel It will get better eventually.

I am acting like I don’t pay high premiums for health insurance. I might as well use it. I pay enough for it. I don’t like the inconvenience of being sick. I called my doctor hoping to be seen today. Of course that didn’t happen. I got an appointment for tomorrow. I will be leaving work early to take care of myself. Something I should have done a few months ago. The nurse on the phone gave me a lecture about waiting to deal with this issue.

So I laid on the couch sick with my dog. He loves to snuggle on the couch.

My aunt called me this morning screaming the house is burning down and the phone went dead. My mind went crazy and I called her back. It was the house next to hers. She was outside praying the fire did not travel to her house. I finally caught my breath. Thank you god she is not homeless. Thank god she is alive. I thanked god for a lot in that moment.

On a brighter note something I wrote for the SMBC website was posted. I feel so important.

It deals with Money issues.

I hope to get a prescription and be well. Positive thinking!!

Insurance Companies Are USELESS!!!

Health Insurance

Image by Thomas Hawk via Flickr

I wrote a letter to my health insurance company explaining my medical fraud experience. Ok they denied my complaint. I was pissed. This doctor did tests I did not authorize. Then you wonder why medical is plum crazy. It is not the doctors it the damn insurance companies. How about looking into fraud and maybe we can cut down some of these cost.

They will pay attention when it is hundreds of thousands of dollars. Not my two hundred bucks. That clearly is not worth their time. So my next stop is the insurance commissioner. I was going to write that letter this weekend. I totally forgot until Sunday night. So I left it for today when I get home from work. My mind will be clear. All this drama!! I am sick of them always trying to drain the little people. The middle class, the working poor. We have to fight for everything and get absolutely no handouts.

I swear my friends think I have so much money because I am single. That is far from the truth. They have two income to work with.  A roof over your head is usually a third of your income. Granted people who have more money tend to spend more money.  I have a decent job with decent pay. With this economy all I see is everything going up but my paycheck. I don’t know why I am complaining no one is listening. Well I guess that is what a blog is for to complain!!