Baby Project #10

I am officially on fertility drugs as of last night. No side effects yet, THANK GOD. I hope it stays that way. I am in a great mood today. I want to stay on this happy cloud.

I was talking to Doctor dude last night. I called him this weekend. He didn’t get back to me which is unusual. He said he left his phone in a hospital and got it yesterday. I got a random text from him in the middle of the day yesterday explaining himself. I never get text from him in the middle of the day. So he wanted to let me know he wasn’t ignoring me. How cute!!! I felt a little flattered that he gave a shit.

I told him if I don’t get pregnant (which I know I will). I am moving to PA getting on his insurance and getting IVF. We both laughed. Hey you never know life is stranger than fiction.

The one thing about Doctor dude I really like is we talk. We have talked for five years with maybe three sexual conversation in those five years. Now to be honest the five years was on and off. The fact that he doesn’t treat our conversation like he is paying by the minute I love that!!

I listen to all his medical situation which I find gross and tell him to stop half way through the descriptions. Our relationship has a very interesting dynamic.

No complaints at the moment. I did win 30 bucks on my scratch ticket. I am going to reinvest today.  Mama wants to hit the jackpot!!!


Friends Past and Present

I use to be so close to my past friends. My aunt said I would marry them. Having a non Brady childhood and a lot of drama. I clung to my friends for dear life. For understanding and love that I felt I wasn’t getting at home. Growing up in the inner city all my friends had similar problems.

I felt my friends were family not just friends. With age I realized friendships fades with time. It doesn’t matter what you been through. I realized several of the people I had in my life, I had a  one-sided relationship. I was doing all the work and putting them on pedestals and not getting anything in return.

About five years ago I decided to stop the BS. I removed myself out of the situation with certain people. Recently one of these people have contacted. I wasn’t bubbling over with joy to hear from her. Five years had passed. She sent me an email like we are great friends and haven’t talked in a little while. I told her where to go because I wanted her to understand why I was replying to her email like she was a stranger. To me she is a stranger.

I am not some crazy person who expects to talk to someone everyday  I use to call every two or three months. She didn’t have time to talk. Only when she had something to share. Then I realized this chick hasn’t dialed my number in over a year. Literally I did all the calling to her. Then she didn’t even return my calls when I called her. I had enough. Actually she wasn’t the only one. So it took her five years to notice she hasn’t done her part.

The email dialogue continue and ended on a bad note yesterday. Well today I get an apology email. I accepted her apology. I still do not desire to pick up where we left off. I am not the same person and refuse to be put back in the box of lackey friend.

My friends in my life now are tangible  Some are long distance and some are local. When I talk to them I feel the care and concern for me and my life. I have gotten rid of the access baggage.

With the acceptance of the apology she is sending get to know each other email. I might stop responding! I just not feeling it.



I don’t have many friends. I guess I wouldn’t consider them a lot. Also the friends I have in my life now are so much different from when I was young. When I was young I talked to my friends all the time. I felt I couldn’t live with out them.

Now I have friends I might talk to once a year. I love them even though we don’t connect often. There is no one I talk to every day. I had a close friend that we aren’t really speaking at the moment. We have went through this on and off thing for years.

I still love her even thought I am not ready to talk to her. I know that might sound awful but it is how I feel.

A friend of mine might be moving here. It is hard for me to get excited because I am so ready to leave this state in the dust. We will see, what her plans are.  I do miss my crew of friends I use to hang out with when I was young. That was when life seemed so full of excitement. Now my life seems so boring!!

Doctor dude and I talked last night. I really like this guy. Well let me put it in perspective his personality so far!!

What I am Thankful For!!

thankful tree

Image by jenosale via Flickr

Today is Thanksgiving and I stayed home and slept all day. It wasn’t a bad day or eventful at all. Me and Mr. Shitty pants were very comfortable on the couch. The only time I left the house was for a meeting in the morning. Also when Mr. Shitty pants made me walk him around the entire subdivision. My dog has me under totally control. He can’t seem to use the bathroom unless we walk a distance. He also tries to direct where we go with pulling on the leash. I feel like he five-pound ass is walking me.  My day included sleeping, watching T.V. and fantasizing about my future children. Since I am not sharing a meal with a group of people, and what I am thankful for. I thought my blog would be just as good.

1) My health I am a healthy even though I smoked for a number of years.

2) My family I was not close to my family at all growing up. Now I have a relationship with several of my family members that I am great full for. A cousin that always felt like my sister. My brother who is really my cousin and I we have gotten allot closer. I have a better relationship with both of my parents. My aunt who is my mother’s twin sister and I have become very close over the years. All the reason I think about moving home.

3) My job I appreciate having this job. I might complain on occasion, OK a whole lot. I do thank god I can pay my bills and keep a roof over my head.

4)My Friends– I have really great people in my life. Even thought I am an introvert they are still there for me.

I am blessed and Thankful for everything!!! I know I complain and seem ungrateful. I am working on appreciating my blessings everyday.