Work Crush!

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I have a crush on this guy at work. It will always remain a crush because nothing will ever happen. He is married. He is such a great guy. I find myself more and more attracted to him every time we talk. Which is not often at all. I can tell he a nice guy all the way around. Also very handsome.

 I would never date anyone at work again. I have tried it twice and it has blown up in my face twice. Having a crush is no biggie. I am so tired. Probably because I stayed up late playing my Sims game. Something to entertain myself besides the refrigerator. I am also going to try to get back to acupuncture this weekend. I need to relax big time. I think it will help me on all levels.

I was talking to another SMC friend. Usually we are usually negative and commemorating our pain of how things are not going our way. This time she was very positive and said we will bring things our way. I am with her. I need to get off the negative road. That includes anything negative. People, places or things. I need to be surrounded by positive. Now how am I going to do that presents the biggest challenge.

Ex’s of Christmas past!

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This must be the week of my ex’s resurfacing. Another ex called me last night. We are friends and I usually call him every six months or so to see if he is ok.

Well he called out the blue. I was shocked. I told him my plans of moving home and having a baby. He said I should re think this. I told him has he ever known me to not have  plan. I am a very responsible person. I know this short sale is going to ruin my credit. I also know I will never make back the 60K my house is upside down. I know I will never be able to afford a baby in GA. I didn’t need his you need to think about it advise. I know he cares and that he had no malice. None of my decisions were made lightly.

He said I thought you would get married and have kids. My first thought is your ass didn’t want to marry me. What made you think I was so enticing to others. I thought I would be married and have kids also. I am not far from 40 and that shit didn’t happen. So I am moving to plan B. If I have to explain to one more person that this is not how I want it to be, I am going to scream. Thank god for my single mother by choice friends. They seem to be the only ones that understand my position.

I don’t have to justify myself to him. Also he knew I was serious and let it go in a matter of minutes. He said he can’t believe I am moving home. He never thought that would happen. Well damn I didn’t either. I have to do what I have to do.

Everyone is buzzing about the half a billion dollars in the mega million right now. I still play the lottery. Now I am happy to say the lottery dream is not the only way to achieve my dream.

Birthday Present to myself!

Happy Birthday

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I was told today I should do something for myself. I have to say I am stumped with that. I don’t deny myself things. I am not into material things. Clothes, electronics, furniture never striked my fancy.

The only time I buy clothes is if I am going to an event. Which it is pitiful because I really need some work clothes in a bad way. I refuse to buy them until I get to my goal weight. Plus I work in an office with women and a bunch of married men. Who cares how I look going to work. I know I don’t.

Electronics has never been my thing. Other than the Sims 3 game I refuse to figure out anything electronic. I don’t even have a DVR because I don’t want to pay for it. The new Sims game is coming out next week. I was always going to purchase it regardless of it being my birthday. So that isn’t anything special.

Furniture, Other than my bedroom set everything in my house was given to me. I only spent about 900 bucks on the whole set. So clearly furniture isn’t my thing either.

I have nothing I am motivated to buy or do. I could get a Mani, Pedi. I don’t feel like it. So that wouldn’t work.

Today is my father’s birthday also. I was born on his 30th birthday. So he is 67 today. I am a horrible daughter. I totally flaked on the card. Oh well I am sure he will live. He did send me a text saying Happy Birthday and of course I replied.

It is too funny that my father learned to text. When my mother finally learns I think hell would have frozen over.

I really want to rewind the clock ten years. Can I have that? Can anyone make that happen?

If I didn’t own this house in this blood sucking housing market I could make my dreams come true. As far as the baby is concerned. The man situation is something beyond my control.

My irrational playing of scratch tickets is not getting me closer to a baby. I was reading the news. This woman won 100,000 and then a million on scratch tickets. The same woman. I am like damn really. I didn’t need to hear that.

That crap is so random. I feel like my life has been so random lately. I did go to a party this weekend. A big waste of time. It was posted on this dating website. These folks were so beyond my age bracket. I should have given my mother the invite.

I am leaving work early and try to have a decent birthday. Wish me luck!!

Vacation Days!!

I have a few days of vacation. My friend made it through her surgery. Even thought it was a basic surgery you never know. I will be picking her up from the hospital tomorrow. I made use of my day off. I got the emission and paid my registration for 2012. I will never understand why Georgia does that mess on your birthday.

A reminder I did not want. My birthday is on its way. 37 is a number I am not looking forward to. I am grateful to be alive. I just thought I would have a family by now. That makes me very sad. Still money and lack of man are the factors keeping me from the dream of my own family.

Well I am glad I made it another year. I know many people who didn’t make it this far. Facebook keeps me abreast of all the death of my generation. Especially a guy I knew since the eight grade. He was my cousin best friend. He died at 34 and left behind two kids.

So I know I need to be grateful. I don’t know how to balanced being pissed off for my lack of family. Another thing to do, balance Bitterness with blessings.

Well on my next few days off I will accomplish a few things. Mr. Shitty paints is getting a haircut. My dog is looking raged. He doesn’t mind, but I do. I take care of my dog, even thought he doesn’t looks like it at the moment.

I think I might make it to the nail shop and get a mani, pedi and eyebrows. I haven’t splurged on myself in a while. I usually don’t go in the winter. Who is going to see my feet?

I need to do something nice for myself. Maybe that will put me in a better mood. Then I am hitting Redbox and playing my Sims and hanging out.

Doctor dude has been consistent with his calls. Half the time he is falling asleep on the phone. I still appreciate his efforts. Even thought we are on different coast. We will see how it goes. I am trying my best to keep hope alive.


I have been sick for over a week. It is sad to say on New Years I was asleep by 10:30pm. I feel like I am getting better but still coughing and sneezing. The morning I had a nose bleed which I have no idea what that is about. I am not going to read too much into it. Also my right leg has been feeling weak lately. Also another thing I am not going to read into.  I know me. I can drive myself crazy. I am not even going to ask Doctor google what is wrong with me. I know that will only start crying fits.

I been on a lottery ticket buying binge. The weird thing is I haven’t scratched any of them. They are sitting on my dresser waiting for more to add to the pile. I know the possibility of winning the lottery is very rare, but that fact has not stop me. I don’t need that much money to make my life different. I guess it gives me hope that I can go forward with my plans now. Not when I save this fictional money that will show up in my checking account.

Life is stranger than fiction. I could win a nice little bit of change that could change my world. I am going to work with that for now. Like field of dreams “If I build it they will come”. If I buy them they could bring me money. 

I only scratch on Sunday. Usually because I don’t really want to go back to work. I don’t hate my job, but I would rather be doing something else. I would love to go back to school. I just don’t want anymore school loans. I am so glad they are out of my life.

Mr. Shitty paints has been doing great sleeping in his crate. No accidents. I am the pack leader. I am going to make him sleep in there for three weeks. Then he will get a chance to prove himself. I know he misses sleeping on the foot of my bed. He wants a lot of cuddle time before he is banished into his crate to sleep. He is such a cute dog.  I am finally not being suckered by his cute puppy looking face. He is five years old and need to act like it. My dog dramas, lord help me!!

Depression relief!!

My depression has been lifted. I know it has to do with my eating. It has been two-week of clean eating and I feel a lot better. I still have issues with my life and the things not in it. I don’t feel like I am about to fall of the edge of a cliff. Which is a relief from not to long ago.

I really need to watch for depression because it runs ramped in my family. If I stay on this road I will finally fit back into my clothes. Every time I look in my closet and see all those clothes that are two small I tear up.

I also need to incorporate exercise. I swear I can be the laziest person on the earth. I need to get my body moving.

Mr. Short guy hasn’t contacted me since I sent that you could have call me email. Oh well, not a big deal. I am in the mode if it is meant to be it will be.

 The lottery is up high this week. The mega millions and powerball are over 100 million. I know it is a shot in hell to win. I have to give a shot like everyone else. I did the office pool as usual and my own personal numbers I choose. Picking my own numbers can’t be any different from a quick pick in my book.

I remember years ago a 19-year-old won the pot using his siblings birthdays. It is nice to dream. I have no idea what I would do with that kind of money. I guess the answer is what ever the hell I want to do. LOL!!! Today is a good day and I feel good. When I see the glass half full things always seem better.

Another day another dollar

If money was not an issue, I would not be working. Something the submissive guy said. It has popped into my mind today. He said when you are at work someone has to be the boss. I told him the only reason I follow that person is for a paycheck. If I didn’t need the paycheck I wouldn’t have a boss.

Granted he was an idiot trying to compare a relationship to employment. The point is how many people would be working if they had the money not to. My aunt claims she wouldn’t quit her job. What would she have to do she exclaimed.

I would find something believe me. When you hear the lottery stories. Someone wins millions of dollars and continue to work. I don’t know if they were just so happy before the money or just insane. I  joke at my job all the time. I don’t need millions to leave this place.

We have a lottery pool that I put up my two dollars every week. Not that I think we have a chance in hell of winning. The fact is if we did win and I didn’t have my two bucks in the pot, I would need to be put on suicide watch. Well the VP came up to me one day and said did you win. I looked at her and said do you know something I don’t know. She said no she was curious. I told her if we won we would not be here. This place will cleared out. At least the five people in the lottery pool wouldn’t be coming back. I of course would wait until the check clear. I would be in disbelief until then. We even gave one woman the assignment to inform our employer because she lives the closest.

I don’t need millions of dollars to leave my job and enjoy a few years of freedom. It would be nice, but a lower amount would still lead to my resignation. It pays to be the boss. Like Mr. Submissive wants to be the boss. It also pays to have no boss. I think that is even better!!!

Lottery Crazyiness

5 Year Anniversary California Lottery Tickets ...

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I know I am crazy!! Not the needing to be lock up type. The she is a little different kind of crazy. I scratched one of my  lottery tickets. The ones I told you in a prior post sits on my dresser until I have a bad day. Well I wasn’t having a true bad day. It was a usually day. Sick of working wanting to be a free spirit not worrying about bills. Millions would be nice, but enough money to take a break would be great too.

Well I scratched the ticket. I won but I don’t know how much. Yes that is right I didn’t scratch the amount. My co-worker said I am plum weird. Well I wanted a few more days to fantasize what I would do if it is the top prize. I probably won a free ticket, but you never know.

Hey it is my world and I and I want to save the happiness for another day. I know strange right. My co-worker said there would be no way he could not know. Then he asked me for help with something. I said see you don’t want me to win then I won’t be here to help you. LOL!!!

Well the top prize is not enough to retire for life of anything. It is enough for me to be a fulltime student for a few years. Also a possible stay at home mom for a little while also. Which to me would be ten times better than the full-time student.

The boyfriend doesn’t know he is also in my plans if I happen to win. Meaning I will be on high-speed with this baby mission. Meaning sooner than later and would have to step it up. Well I let you into my strangeness. I will keep you posted if I can officially retire for a few years or buy another ticket to try again.

Backwards Lottery

It is so funny when I ask someone what they would do if they won the lottery. Then I ask do they play and they say “NO”. I think it is comical.  They don’t put in the ring but fantasize about winning. I put my hat in and enjoy fantasizing.

The way I play the lottery people find strange.  I play the big lottery at work for several reasons. First being if they win and I didn’t put in my two dollars I would be ready to slit my wrists. Second it is a shot in hell to win that thing. Occasionally I play on my own but rarely.

I do play scratch tickets. In my logic I have a better chance of winning. Scratch tickets are only for the state I am in. Using my C- in statistics I have a better chance of winning. I have won up to five hundred dollars. Not the big pay day I was looking for, but extra money is always a plus.

Years ago my aunt told me to look online to see if all the top prizes have been claimed. You could be buying scratch tickets that you have no chance to win because all the top prizes have been dished out. So I look at the website and see which game has the most chances to win the top prizes.

The strange part is I usually don’t scratch them for several months. No one understands my logic with this. I wait until I have a bad day. Then I scratch a ticket. It could turn my frown upside down. Last night the boyfriend wanted me to scratch my tickets. We fantasized about what we would do if I won the five million dollar grand prize. I still didn’t scratch it. I was having a pretty good day. He was a little disappointed but hey it is my ticket.

Well the fantasy involved me getting IVF and being a stay at home mom. While he change careers and becomes a math teacher. All sounded good to me. Winning ticket here I come!!!!