Day by Day

I am trying to function everyday. I am so tired it is crazy. The nap I take in my car at lunch time feels like ten seconds instead of 45 min. I talked to a friend I met many years ago at a job. She offered to plan my baby-shower. To early for that but I was so thrilled. I planned hers with one of her friends years ago. I love this friend dearly. Even thought we do not talk much at all. She is married with two kids.

Even thought we do not speak often, I always felt she cared about me. I also care about her. She will talk to me about things going on in her life for advise. She respects my opinion. She can be to nice like myself. I told her I had to stop that nice shit for my own sanity.

First doctors appointment coming up. I am nervous. I don’t know what to expect. My old roommate offered her girlfriend to take me to doctor appointments. She said she would love to go. I hate asking people for things. I don’t know why I have always been that way. I am going to take her up on it when more time has passed. It would be nice to have someone share the experience with.

My mom expressed she wish she could go to the doctor’s with me. That would have been so nice. The issues of living so far away from home. Sometimes I regret that decision I made  to move years ago. Then I realized I had to live my life and experience all I have. I always have in the back of my mind what would have been different if I stayed in Boston.

My life hasn’t always been boring like it is. I was a party girl when I first got here. I had a lot of fun and stories of 2001 when I landed in Georgia. I will never have that crystal ball to see how things would have been different. Or that potion to rewind my age. I been watching to many movies. Someone told me a long time ago. Appreciate your life it isn’t a dress rehearsal you only get to do it once. That means a lot at this age. I really made steps to accomplish some dreams. I am not going to stop I am going to keep moving along.

Yesterday in the grocery store someone asked me when I am due. I do not look pregnant. I am just fat and my weight goes in my stomach when I am fat. I was asked the same question for many years being overweight. I thought she asked what I did. It ended in an awkward silence. Eventually  I know will have to answer that question. My feelings were hurt from the question. I know I am going to tackle this weight issue. Just not right now.

Rock in the hard place!

Between a Rock and a Hard Place (book)

Between a Rock and a Hard Place (book) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The thought of moving home has given me some anxeity. I haven’t lived in Boston in almost 12 years.

I also have other issues I forgot about. A friend of mine has made friends with my enemy. I guess enemy is to strong of a word. I don’t know this woman. She doesn’t like me so I guess I am her enemy.

It all started with a male friend I had since I was 15. We were very close. Never dated. In fact I hooked him up with many of my friends which he took out on dates. As I hear a few he slept with. I never even held this man hand.

I did think he had a crush on me. I am only spekulating because we were only friends. Well three months after I moved to GA he married this woman. To make a long story longer. He never introduced me to her. We were 25 at the time. So this is a ten year friendship. I ran into them in the grocery story and she was not friendly to me at all. That is totally my perception. According to her I was the rude one. He told me after she met me, he was made aware he wasn’t allowed to have any female friends. (Ouch) All that from me saying hello.

What she doesn’t know is he remained friends with me. At least until I moved. Then we lost touch totally. Over the years I tried to contact him. To see how he was doing. I guess this was thought of as an attack against their marriage. Which I had no clue about.

So my friend was working out with this girl. They meet up with their respective spouses. Wow my male friend is this girls husband. Did I mention this friend was one of the people who went on a date with him. Yes awkward to say the least. She never slept with him thank god.

Innocently she gave me his Facebook page information. She didn’t mean any harm and could not have predict the drama that came after. Well I sent him a hello and oh lawd the shit hit the fan. The woman called my friend and read her the riot act. It took a few days but I got a kiss off in very nice words email via Facebook and blocked from his page. I had a feeling he wrote it with her standing over him!! Who knows!!

I haven’t seen this man in 12 years. It isn’t that big of a deal. At least not to me. I was just trying to see how he was doing. Like I did with many people via Facebook. He was my best male friend for 10 years. I don’t know what is going on in their marriage. I do know I have nothing to do with it.

Now I am moving home. My friend is friends with me and his wife. She doesn’t want any drama if she invites both of us to her house for any event. I do understand that. I just have no idea what to do about it. I have nothing to say to this woman.  I don’t want her husband and never did. What happened was innocent and not meant to disrupt anyone’s marriage.

I was truly looking up an old friend. My friend said we would have to work that out. Now that is unrealistic. How can I work out anything with a woman who thinks I am trying to steal her husband. Who I met one time for less than two minutes in a grocery store 12+ years ago.

I told her I won’t say anything to her. But if something goes down not by me I will not sit there and be bashed as the hard up man stealer. If I wanted him I would have made my move years ago. Any one who knows me, knows shy has never been used to describe me!!

I swear I run into drama without even trying!!!

I hate being sick!!

This is the first time in three days I could get up without running to the bathroom. I thought it was stomach issues. I called the 24hr nurse line and it is the flu. Oh joy the flu. I called my mother whining at five o’clock in the morning telling her I wish she was here taking care of me. I know a big baby. I don’t get sick often at all. This flu has taken me down. I haven’t been to work in three days. My work ethic makes me feel so bad for missing work.

The fact that I almost passed out walking my dog. Having night sweats to the point of taking all my clothes off and turning on the AC. Also running to the bathroom for days. I am finally feeling better. I finally gotten enough energy to take a shower. I got a friend of mine to bring me some stuff from the grocery store today. I hate asking people for anything. Yesterday I went to the grocery store looking like a homeless person. Wandering the grocery store with a fever to buy diet ginger ale, just makes the singleness sting harder. Thank god for friends. I did call her yesterday. She didn’t call back. Which is not unusual for us.

I will be at work tomorrow at least 80% of the woman I use to be. This morning I don’t think they would have gotten 20%.

I have talked to my family and now I am not scared by the possible lay off. They got my back which is great to hear. My father even offered for me to move into his two bedroom apartment with his crazy cat that likes to piss on the furniture. I appreciate the thought but my mothers three bedroom house would be my first stop. She is rooting for me to get laid off so I can come home. I know it is a blessing to have a backup to not suffering in Georgia.

The house would be an issue. I would have to rent it. I know I would hate being a landlord. I will suck it up and get a property management company.

We will see what happens with my employment. At least I have no fears. Since fear has been a big part of my life. It is a welcoming change to be fearless. There are pros and cons to living in Massachusetts. I don’t even have a winter coat. My mother told me that is the lest of my worries. She is right it really is.

From a prior blog I did have a friend school me on couples. I know I seem jealous of every relationship. Well being single so long brings that out of me. I do not know what is going on in these couples lives. Personally or financially. So anyone being laid off can be dramatic. Especially when two incomes are needed to run their family. So sometimes I need to realize the grass is not always greener. It just looks that way sometimes.

Today I am happy I feeling better!!!