I am trying to function everyday. I am so tired it is crazy. The nap I take in my car at lunch time feels like ten seconds instead of 45 min. I talked to a friend I met many years ago at a job. She offered to plan my baby-shower. To early for that but I was so thrilled. I planned hers with one of her friends years ago. I love this friend dearly. Even thought we do not talk much at all. She is married with two kids.
Even thought we do not speak often, I always felt she cared about me. I also care about her. She will talk to me about things going on in her life for advise. She respects my opinion. She can be to nice like myself. I told her I had to stop that nice shit for my own sanity.
First doctors appointment coming up. I am nervous. I don’t know what to expect. My old roommate offered her girlfriend to take me to doctor appointments. She said she would love to go. I hate asking people for things. I don’t know why I have always been that way. I am going to take her up on it when more time has passed. It would be nice to have someone share the experience with.
My mom expressed she wish she could go to the doctor’s with me. That would have been so nice. The issues of living so far away from home. Sometimes I regret that decision I made to move years ago. Then I realized I had to live my life and experience all I have. I always have in the back of my mind what would have been different if I stayed in Boston.
My life hasn’t always been boring like it is. I was a party girl when I first got here. I had a lot of fun and stories of 2001 when I landed in Georgia. I will never have that crystal ball to see how things would have been different. Or that potion to rewind my age. I been watching to many movies. Someone told me a long time ago. Appreciate your life it isn’t a dress rehearsal you only get to do it once. That means a lot at this age. I really made steps to accomplish some dreams. I am not going to stop I am going to keep moving along.
Yesterday in the grocery store someone asked me when I am due. I do not look pregnant. I am just fat and my weight goes in my stomach when I am fat. I was asked the same question for many years being overweight. I thought she asked what I did. It ended in an awkward silence. Eventually I know will have to answer that question. My feelings were hurt from the question. I know I am going to tackle this weight issue. Just not right now.