What has been UP!

Well four days in a hotel room with my mother was a bit much. I did have a great time at my cousin wedding. I was flirted with and enjoyed every minute. Granted there has been a hard rule since high school. I am not allowed to date any of his friends. I did make a hook up. Yes my lonely ass playing cupid with others lives. I think one will work out. I am not sure about the other.

So I have to say I was flabbergasted. At the bar one night where all the folks from college congregated. I was fat and awkward in college. My cousin on the hand was in his element. Well this tall sexy man, who everyone had a crush on in college. Was whining to the women he is 40 and wants a wife. I told him I would never thought in a million years that I would be having this conversation with him. Then the four women in this conversation deducted the reason he wasn’t in a relationship. He had all these ridiculous requirements.

Good times were had and I enjoyed seeing these people without being fat and feeling out-of-place. So this one particular guy. We went to college with him and his older brother. His older brother was the nerdy awkward guy. Which is actually my type. The younger brother is the suave, with crazy swagger who cold talk your drawers off in minutes type. I told him I liked his brother back in the day. Which I did and he liked me. What happened was he had tried to talk to four girls before me. They were all discussing it and I couldn’t bring myself to be the last one on the list. I was 18 in a new environment and didn’t want to be talked about.

I been talking to him on Facebook instant message. He is in Afghanistan working as a contractor. So maybe he will take me on a date when we are both back in Boston.

Well let me tell you how pissed off I was Monday. I got the double line. Yes, it worked out I got the happy face when I got back home. Well I text my sperm donor all damn day no response. Then I decided to email him. He said he left his phone at home, but didn’t say anything else. I know I turn into the crazy sperm lady during these couple of days of the month. But shit this is what he signed up for. I am not dating him so I have no idea how to handle this crap.

I then drafted him a kiss off letter. Now his ass wants to respond. He apologized and said if it wasn’t to late we could do it on Tuesday. Which actually wasn’t to late. Shit I don’t know it might be right on time. So we did the insemination at noon. Which actually worked out because I was off work and he works down the street from his house. So I didn’t have to run over there at night in traffic.

Still me being me, I had to say something. I told him he needs to do better with communication. He said I can’t help my job. I wanted to scream I don’t give a damn about your job. Just don’t have me waiting.

Whatever, life is never easy. My problem is I am comfortable with him. I don’t want to have to start this process over again. He is my stud until I am ready to roll out. I know he can get me pregnant. I just need it to stick. Well blogosphere that is what is up with me. I hope things are going great for you. Anyone trying to have babies much baby dust to you!!!!


Another Day!


Doctor dude AKA fake boyfriend sent me a text that he was sick all weekend. A friend asked if I believed him. I guess it is in a womans nature to cast doubt. I have no reason not believe him. Even if I didn’t believe him what would it matter?

He did call last night. I missed the call. My cell phone was upstairs charging. No biggie!!

I guess my post yesterday has brought a lot of conversation on the desperate topic.

A faithful reader which happens to be a good friend sent me an email regarding my post. I swear she understands me. Then I talked to a different friend and she brought it up and I know she doesn’t read my blog.

The point being if we were desperate we would not be alone. There is always someone who wants you, that you don’t want. For various reason I have kicked people out of my life.

The ex Fiance that tried to give me bible homework. Then got mad when I didn’t do it. The man abusive in his tone when he was mad. The man who only wanted to see me when he felt like it. The man who couldn’t pay his bills. Yeah I could have had any of them. If I was willing to take the pile of shit that came with them.

Some women are willing to take the shit to have a man. I am not!! To all my sister who feel the same way Amen to you.

I have an ex friend. Why is she ex? This woman had more drama than any soap opera. I was sick of talking to her. I am convinced she created these dramas in her life.

 I remember in High School this girl would come to school with a daily drama. Another girl said something I will never forget. No ones life is that damn interesting. Either she is lying or creating the drama.

I would agree this ex friend was creating this drama in her life. The last and final straw was when she finally got out of an abusive relationship. I do not mean just verbal. He was about to kick her ass. It was getting more and more violent. 

She finally had her own place seem to be doing well. With in 30 days she had a new man living with her. I thought to myself that was quick as hell. To know this woman it was not odd. She could not be without a man. Her whole validation was who was laying in her bed at night.

I am talking to her one day and she said she couldn’t pay her light bill. I am thinking damn this bill must be real high. It was two hundred bucks. My next comment which I should have kept to myself was why doesn’t your boyfriend help you. By this point he has been living there three months.

Why didn’t I keep my mouth shut? He doesn’t have a job she says!! WTF!!

Seriously here we go again. I said nothing after that. Then she started to defend herself. I told her if you like it I love it. I didn’t care to be in the conversation of her dramas to have a man. When she realized I wasn’t arguing with her she started to get nasty with me.

Basically the jest was I was pathetic because I didn’t have a man. That was the last and final straw. I went off right at this point. I let her know that I will love myself more than any man will ever love me. The pathetic one is you who can’t live with out someone. You get rid of trash to let more trash in. I am not your therapist and you are not my dependent. I can not put your ass on my taxes. I am sick of hearing this bullshit. I wish you the best and this friendship is over.

When she heard that I could hear the shock in her voice. I have been there with her B.S. since college. It had been over 10 years of me listening and walking her through her self-created dramas. I haven’t talked to her in two plus years.  I don’t care to talk to her again. She is not missed.

I don’t need a man. I desire a man. If he is not an asset in my life he is a liability. I will never ever take care of a grown ass man!! Or lower myself in any way to have a man in my life.