I have been enjoying all my time off. I really haven’t done much but sleep. I did end up at the store a few times. I actually bought my roommates more than expected. I saw a few gifts in Walmart I felt they would really like. They were fairly cheap but I knew they would love it. I guess it is my way to get in the Christmas spirit. My family isn’t very big on Holiday‘s.
I am still waiting for this job to tell me something. I am ready to TTC. I am scared to death for many reasons. I am praying I am fertile and it all goes very quickly. I am scared to be pregnant. I guess I am scared of everything. In my fear I am beyond ready to start trying. I have a date tomorrow morning. A breakfast date. I will see if it happens. He hasn’t confirmed. He wanted to go to Waffle House. Which I agreed to at first. Now I had a change of heart. I am working towards my goal weight.
I actually have a new resolve to my weight loss journey. 2013 is going to be a great year. I decided I am going to make it exciting and get out of my comfort zone.
I don’t know what my future holds. They haven’t said anything else about the promotion as of yet. So that is on hold. Which puts baby making on hold. I been tracking my ovulation over the past few months. I should have gotten the double line today. I did not. I don’t need any more problems. I am hoping the double line shows up tomorrow.
I received a Christmas gift from my mom. It was nice to have a box to open. I guess I could have waited but I didn’t. So sweet of her. We are not really a Holiday family. Everyone asks why I don’t go home for the Holidays. First off it is cold. Second my mother has never been big on the Holidays.
I need to bring my ass home. I haven’t been home in almost two years. That was for a funereal. I wasn’t in a rush to visit because I thought I would be living there permanently in a few months. If this promotion comes through and I take it I will have to plan a visit home.
I picked my top three choices of sperm donors. I saw on a website where a woman had a donor party. She posted the top three choices and let people put them in the order they would choose. I thought that was cute and emailed my friends and family the profile information to see what order they would pick. It went pretty well until one friend told me she wouldn’t use two of them at all. Which is fine I didn’t mind her opinion. But it sounded like she expected me to drop them from my choices based on her opinion. Ahh NO!! I know more about these men than any man I have ever slept with. One friend made me laugh. She said damn I wish he could be the father of my child.
I made my choices I was sharing. I guess I could have kept it to myself. Other than that one person I enjoyed what others had to say.
I choose based on intelligence, weight, essay, eye color. I was content with my choices. One of my donors doesn’t even have a picture. Some think that is strange but to me it wasn’t a big deal. Does a baby picture really tell you what they are going to look like as adults.
I have seen very cute kids turn into not so attractive adults. So it wasn’t a major thing for me.
I started online dating again. Well I guess I never stopped. I just put the location back to Georgia. I got a lot of emails. Seems like I am fresh meat LOL!! I am not looking for a relationship. Male company would be nice. I have my plans and I am moving forward. No interruptions !! It is all stemming on this job. If that doesn’t work out back to plan A and I am leaving the south for good.
In my adult life I always hated this day. I never have a significant other on this day. The few times I have they never have acknowledge the day at all. When I was a child through my late teens my mom would buy me a Valentine gift. Whatever our issues we have had over the years I love my mother deeply. She is a special woman. I haven’t always appreciated her type of special. Don’t get me wrong the woman can be completely crazy. I know she always loved me with all she had.
Well I sent Doctor dude a Valentine, chocolate covered Oreo’s. I don’t know why. I got an email from this gift place I order from. I thought why not. I do that from time to time. Things out of the ordinary. I have never met this man. I wanted a Valentine so I claimed him.
I didn’t order from my usual gift place. I went to Amazon and got something on the cheap. Did I mention I have no idea where this man lives. I sent it to his office. With the 3-5 day shipping it should be there on the 14th.
So I have a Valentine this year. He doesn’t know it!! My secret. If he does or does not appreciate it, it made me feel good. That is all that counts.
I wish everyone a great holiday and many more. This year I am going to focus on being blessed. I have many things to be thankful for. Granted I look at my life and see gaping holes that I want filled. I desire things that I haven’t been able to make happen. It really gets to me at time.
This up coming year I know will bring new blessing. I have a feeling my life will be changing. I am staying focused on the positive. Which is very difficult for me because I am such a negative person. I am going to work on the Laws of Attraction this year. When I put my heart in soul into that state of thinking, Great things were happening.
Then I fell off as usual with everything I try to do. I need to stop focussing on the past which I cannot change. My head has been stuck in my past mistakes. How I wish I had baby desires earlier. How I wish I sold my house before the housing crash. How I wish I should have given that guy a chance who really wanted me. I can wish all I want, but those things will not change.
My plan is to leave those things in the past. It is hard but I am really trying to work on it.
Today is Thanksgiving and I stayed home and slept all day. It wasn’t a bad day or eventful at all. Me and Mr. Shitty pants were very comfortable on the couch. The only time I left the house was for a meeting in the morning. Also when Mr. Shitty pants made me walk him around the entire subdivision. My dog has me under totally control. He can’t seem to use the bathroom unless we walk a distance. He also tries to direct where we go with pulling on the leash. I feel like he five-pound ass is walking me. My day included sleeping, watching T.V. and fantasizing about my future children. Since I am not sharing a meal with a group of people, and what I am thankful for. I thought my blog would be just as good.
1) My health I am a healthy even though I smoked for a number of years.
2) My family I was not close to my family at all growing up. Now I have a relationship with several of my family members that I am great full for. A cousin that always felt like my sister. My brother who is really my cousin and I we have gotten allot closer. I have a better relationship with both of my parents. My aunt who is my mother’s twin sister and I have become very close over the years. All the reason I think about moving home.
3) My job I appreciate having this job. I might complain on occasion, OK a whole lot. I do thank god I can pay my bills and keep a roof over my head.
4)My Friends– I have really great people in my life. Even thought I am an introvert they are still there for me.
I am blessed and Thankful for everything!!! I know I complain and seem ungrateful. I am working on appreciating my blessings everyday.