Daddy Rage!!

My father made me very upset yesterday. He was telling me he was considering buying another step grandchild a car. If you do for one you need to do for another. I said hold up. I never got a car. You are buying cars for kids that are spoiled and doing nothing to deserve it.
This man made up every excuse in the book. Also told me I should not be jealous. I am a grown woman and got all my stuff together. Yeah from my own blood sweat and tears. Not to much help from either parent. My father bought one of these step grandchildren a car. Yes this is his deceased wife grandchildren. Then he crashed it up. My father fixed it and gave it back to him. Did I mention he barely has a part time job. Graduated from high school with no plan at all. Doesn’t have money to put gas in the car. But it seems he has money to buy an X box.

I was steaming!!! These kids get a father I never had. My step monster never liked me and I hated her. She wanted my father to deal with her kids and grandchildren and forget about his own. Now that she is dead I get all this interest about my life. I thought I let all this go years ago. But to hear you are doing all this for these kids is really getting under my skin. My father doesn’t understand how much of a jerk he really is. I didn’t use those words. But really wanted to. One of his excuses was I am a woman and have ambition. They don’t. I damn near jump through that phone. I told them so you give them gifts for doing nothing.

The step grandchild who got the car crashed it up and got it back. My father and step mother raised since he was 2. I am not seeing a great job here. The question is what the hell is he doing now. It looks like absolutely nothing. I was raised by my grandmother and I have strived and worked for everything. It got to the point I was screaming on the phone. You didn’t pay for one book when I was in college. He mention he paid my health insurance. I said correction you paid one year I paid the other three. Oh he made me so mad. It is unfair. I know I need to let it go. I don’t know what I wanted him to say.

Was he going to say sorry I was wrong. Hell no this is my father we are talking about. It is you need to get over it. How old are you, and all you accomplished. How can you compare yourself to these kids. Compare myself bullshit. These kids can’t compare themselves to me. I got nothing handed to me an accomplished alot. They get everything handed to them and accomplish nothing. So dad tell me how you did a good job raising that boy!!! When you daughter who was trying to make a better life for herself you did what???

Birthday Present to myself!

Happy Birthday

Image via Wikipedia

I was told today I should do something for myself. I have to say I am stumped with that. I don’t deny myself things. I am not into material things. Clothes, electronics, furniture never striked my fancy.

The only time I buy clothes is if I am going to an event. Which it is pitiful because I really need some work clothes in a bad way. I refuse to buy them until I get to my goal weight. Plus I work in an office with women and a bunch of married men. Who cares how I look going to work. I know I don’t.

Electronics has never been my thing. Other than the Sims 3 game I refuse to figure out anything electronic. I don’t even have a DVR because I don’t want to pay for it. The new Sims game is coming out next week. I was always going to purchase it regardless of it being my birthday. So that isn’t anything special.

Furniture, Other than my bedroom set everything in my house was given to me. I only spent about 900 bucks on the whole set. So clearly furniture isn’t my thing either.

I have nothing I am motivated to buy or do. I could get a Mani, Pedi. I don’t feel like it. So that wouldn’t work.

Today is my father’s birthday also. I was born on his 30th birthday. So he is 67 today. I am a horrible daughter. I totally flaked on the card. Oh well I am sure he will live. He did send me a text saying Happy Birthday and of course I replied.

It is too funny that my father learned to text. When my mother finally learns I think hell would have frozen over.

I really want to rewind the clock ten years. Can I have that? Can anyone make that happen?

If I didn’t own this house in this blood sucking housing market I could make my dreams come true. As far as the baby is concerned. The man situation is something beyond my control.

My irrational playing of scratch tickets is not getting me closer to a baby. I was reading the news. This woman won 100,000 and then a million on scratch tickets. The same woman. I am like damn really. I didn’t need to hear that.

That crap is so random. I feel like my life has been so random lately. I did go to a party this weekend. A big waste of time. It was posted on this dating website. These folks were so beyond my age bracket. I should have given my mother the invite.

I am leaving work early and try to have a decent birthday. Wish me luck!!

Vacation Days!!

I have a few days of vacation. My friend made it through her surgery. Even thought it was a basic surgery you never know. I will be picking her up from the hospital tomorrow. I made use of my day off. I got the emission and paid my registration for 2012. I will never understand why Georgia does that mess on your birthday.

A reminder I did not want. My birthday is on its way. 37 is a number I am not looking forward to. I am grateful to be alive. I just thought I would have a family by now. That makes me very sad. Still money and lack of man are the factors keeping me from the dream of my own family.

Well I am glad I made it another year. I know many people who didn’t make it this far. Facebook keeps me abreast of all the death of my generation. Especially a guy I knew since the eight grade. He was my cousin best friend. He died at 34 and left behind two kids.

So I know I need to be grateful. I don’t know how to balanced being pissed off for my lack of family. Another thing to do, balance Bitterness with blessings.

Well on my next few days off I will accomplish a few things. Mr. Shitty paints is getting a haircut. My dog is looking raged. He doesn’t mind, but I do. I take care of my dog, even thought he doesn’t looks like it at the moment.

I think I might make it to the nail shop and get a mani, pedi and eyebrows. I haven’t splurged on myself in a while. I usually don’t go in the winter. Who is going to see my feet?

I need to do something nice for myself. Maybe that will put me in a better mood. Then I am hitting Redbox and playing my Sims and hanging out.

Doctor dude has been consistent with his calls. Half the time he is falling asleep on the phone. I still appreciate his efforts. Even thought we are on different coast. We will see how it goes. I am trying my best to keep hope alive.



Image by Helgi Halldórsson/Freddi via Flickr

I am shocked 2012 is here. This year went so quick. When did time start speeding up? I am hoping 2012 will bring me all I desire.

This guy just called and invited himself over to my house. I let him no that was no acceptable and he was not getting the address. I don’t need any more of that in 2012.  There are a lot of things I could do with out in the new year. I am grateful for many things and I lost 10 pounds. So I am excited about that. I am laying in my bed with all my chores completed. I am not looking forward to work tomorrow but I am ready for it.  Am I ready for what 2012 has for me? I am not sure but will take it one day at a time.

Cougar Town

English: Line art drawing of a cougar.

My coffee date did not happen this weekend. I received a rain check due to a work Christmas party. Men confuse me to the tenth degree. I didn’t hear from him for the entire weekend. Then I check my email on Sunday night and he sent me emails. I am thinking why didn’t you call me. Who sends emails on the weekend to stay in touch. During the week it is cool . I check my email all day at work. I emailed him back and said you could have called. When has picking up the phone become so taboo.

Well with his lack of attention I worked on my new blog. Which took a whole lot longer than anticipated. I swear my bright ideas always sound great until I have to put work into them. Well a new guy hit me up online.  He is not actually new. We have talked online a few weeks ago. He asked me via IM if I had any prospects. I told him one which was the coffee date that went bust. He seemed disappointed he was not on my list. I told him he is some random dude online. I haven’t even talked to him on the phone. If he wants to be on the list he needs to get in the game. I received a call that night. I guess he took me seriously about getting in the game. I told him you can’t stand on the sidelines to be a first round draft pick. He is really into sports so he found me hilarious.  Either way we talked and text all weekend. He is 28 6’2 and has a cute smile. I am eight years older than this guy. He doesn’t seem to mind so I guess I don’t either. I think I need to be 15 years older to really be a cougar but hey 8 years is a lot of years in my book.

I have no reason not to talk to him. So far so good. He hasn’t been inappropriate in any way and so far seems like a nice guy. I obviously still got it if the youngings are trying to get my attention. I shouldn’t be shocked, I have been told I look young. I don’t see it but hey it is great for the ego. Santa might bring me a cub for Christmas!!!

Random Life Stuff

The new guy has been holding my attention. We haven’t made plans for a date but that is fine. I might be seeing him this weekend. I am not in a Christmas mood at all. Actually I never celebrate. When I became a teenager my mother wouldn’t even go shopping and wrap anything anymore. She asked me what I wanted and gave me the money. We stop putting up the tree or even thinking about doing all the traditional things. On a few occasions my mother did decorate the porch with lights. In yearly fashion she would be too lazy to take them down and they would sit up there for months and months.

I guess I am not a holiday person. Or a birthday person either. I never really care about celebrating my birthday. I guess I am a person that doesn’t make a big deal out of much. I did request money for my new security door from my family. My mom and my aunt said they will chip in. We will see how that goes down. Presently it is sitting on my credit card waiting for Home Depot to get their ass in gear and install it.

I bought some photo editing software to start my new little project. Well it is actually a big project. I am starting a new blog that is more of a soap opera with pictures. I like to be creative and keep those juices flowing. I am going to use my game the Sims 3 to create my dramas. So I went to Best Buy and tried to purchase an easy Photo editing software. With it being the Christmas season no one was helping me. I actually saw a few employee standing around but I wasn’t in the mood to chase them down. I picked up this program and brought it to the cashier and asked if I could return it. She said yes within 30 days. So I thought I would give it a try if I don’t like it bring it back.

I was banging my head against the wall all night with this program. I was returning it the next day. I get to a different Best Buy. They tell me it can’t be returned by federal law when software is opened it cannot be returned. Now if I knew this information before I bought it, I would have taken more time with this purchase. I was also pissed because I saw it on for half the price with free shipping.

I was going to walk out the door and take my 80.00 lump in my bank account for nothing. As I walked to the door I thought hell no. The lady told me I could return it. So I proceeded to have a manager called and explained my situation. I was being dramatic which was just a tactic to get my money back. I was thinking 80.00 on something I am not going to use. I can put that money on the door I just bought. She returned it. I told her Merry Christmas and thank you. It was very nice of her since the law was in her favor. Even thought employees told me I could return it.

I went home and found some free wear GIMP. It is great and easy to use. Well it isn’t that easy to use. YouTube has a bunch of tutorials on how to use it. Which is great I need a visual explanation not written. I love YouTube, I don’t know what I did with out it.  So here is my first draft of what I was working on.



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