Life throws curve balls!!

My computer cost 300 bucks to fixed. The motherboard was fried. The answer to that is hell no. The desktop was five years old and I believe I only spent $500 dollars on it. So I headed to Micro-center to get a new computer. The sales person told me they have a 12 month no interest credit card. I thought I hit the jackpot because I was going to charge it.  I was planning to purchased all my electronic needs with my new credit card.

I got denied. I sat there and looked at the boy conveying the news that my credit was shit. I feel bad for him because I went off. I have never been denied credit in my life. Even with my short sale I still have A credit. Which lowered from my A+ credit. I was about to walk away in shame and then said wait you didn’t call me. He said what do you mean. I have  fraud alert on my credit. So no one can steal my identity. I am supposed to get a phone call when anyone opens credit on this account. Then the manager got involved. We called Wells Fargo and they asked me a few question on my credit report and I was approved for 2,200 bucks. I knew that denial was bullshit.

After that was cleared up I bought a desktop and all in one printer , and a camera. I had to carry all that up three flights of stairs with my old desktop. It took a minute but got done. Then I moved a box in my house. I heard my back pop and I was done. My back was jacked up. My cousin came to get my old printer. Never get anything Brother it was piece of shit. Drove me crazy to set up. Every time the lights went out because of a storm or something, I had to set it up again. I was happy to get rid of it. She brought me a heating pad. I woke up the next morning and couldn’t get out of bed. I did make it to the bathroom eventually.

I been out of work for two and a half days. I did get some muscle relaxers from the doctor, with some high-powered ibuprofen. I went to work. I am walking like a 80-year-old woman. I got sick of laying in the bed all day. I haven’t even played with my new computer. Which is so unlike me. I also was supposed to have another insemination on Monday. There was no way I could sit in the car for 45 min to an hour. To get to his house. My back couldn’t take it. I rain checked. It is still possible I am pregnant. I did inseminate when I got the smiley face. Monday was two days later just to cover all bases. We will see what happens.

I forgot to mention, I lost 11 pounds. How the hell that happened I don’t know. I was reading this book about a dieting that my mom sent. I was going to begin the next day. The scale hasn’t been my friend in a long time. So I have kept it hidden and not gotten on it. Well I busted it out prison on Sunday morning, got on it. I lost 11 pounds. I thought to myself WTF. I am happy and confused. But going to keep it going more consciously then subconsciously like I have. Hears to more weight loss.

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Missing Happy Face!!

Ovulation test

I still haven’t gotten my happy face. I am praying I see it when I get home from work. My last insemination is tonight then I am going out-of-town. I know live sperm last 48-72 hours. So hopefully I am covered. My body usually works very well. I wonder what the hell is throwing it off.

I wonder if being pregnant for a  week through it off?? Missing a day of the soy isoflavone??

I am trying to cover all bases. I had another insemination last night. I feel like a crazy fool. Thank god traffic wasn’t that bad. I got there in about 45 min.

I felt something twinge in my lower area today. I am not the person in-tune with my body. It could have been gas for all I know. I am supposed to have another insemination when I get back on Sunday also. I was thinking of bringing my ovulation predictor kit with me if I don’t see it today or tomorrow morning. I haven’t finished packing. I also heard it is raining in PA so I need to rethink my outfits. Which sucks because gaining weight limits my wardrobe in a big way. I can’t believe I been in my apartment six months. Time is flying and I need to decided what I am going to do when my lease is up.

Working on the baby first then I can think about something else. Trying to stay focused.

Baby Project #45

I started testing for my surge today. I believe from my calculations I should get the happy face tomorrow or Thursday. I am supposed to inseminate for the next three days.

I have to say my donor has the worst communication skills ever. I could never ever date this man. He does show up in the end. I guess that is all I can ask for.

I started working on what I put in my mouth and exercise. It has been going pretty well. Except for the coffee.

I keep running into this woman. I met her at a meetup that a friend invited me to. She clearly lives near me. I ran into her four times. Yesterday walking around the park was the latest. I guess I been stand offish. I need to work on that. She asked if we could walk together. I have no problem with that. I told her this week was bad. Clearly insemination all week, and he lives 45min away. Next week when I get back from Philly should be great.

Hey I might be creating a new friend. That is usually how people enter my life, Randomly. Since she lives close maybe we can find some places to hang out in the area. I need to get my ass out the house!!!

 

Baby Project #33

Donor picked FINALLY!!!.  I am glad I have a few people in my corner to discuss these things.

My cousin was very blunt about not using the donor who wants to be a father. It is easy to say what you will do when the child is not here yet. He could totally flip the script once everything is sad and done. Then I am stuck in a drama situation. That is not the move for me.

I don’t even have to keep in touch with the other guy after I am pregnant.  He is just helping me out and that is it.

I am sure my mind can change as much as it needs to. Right now I have the donor picked. I am optimistic. More optimistic than doing my IUI‘s. I know this could possibly not work. I feel it has a great chance of working.  Even more than the 10% chance the doctor gave me  with frozen sperm.

The first attempt will be this month. I am working on getting the clomid. Who knows I am taking the soy isoflavone this month.

Thank you to all lesbian on YouTube. When I looked up insemination it was a lot of lesbian couples on YouTube discussing it. Many did insemination with a known donor.  I appreciate anyone who has walked in my shoes before. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel.

 

Baby Project #26

Today was my second insemination. I have been on a good plain. I had four follicles that did release by the second insemination. The doctor seemed confident which is a great feat for this doctor. She has never been overly optimistic.

1) She told me to get an OBGYN and make an appointment for 10 weeks. (Just in Case)

2) She is willing to do forth insemination instead of three. Granted I don’t know if I can afford four. But the fact that she is optimistic of achieving pregnancy makes me happy.

3) She wants to try Clomid if I want to do Three insemination. If I want to do four then she will do the letrozole for the third do to my good response.

All these this things are optimistic conversation.

I took her suggestion and went to the hypnotherapy which I really enjoyed the appointment. If I could afford it, I would go once a week. I can’t afford that at all. 🙂 The appointment was positive. I loved that she listen to me. She would say babies because she knows I want twins. She also got me started on my Laws of Attraction mission I was on.

She had a plaque on her desk that said IF YOU CAN DREAM IT YOU CAN HAVE IT!!! I am ready for my dreams to come true.

Doctor dude dropped out of sight again. Which I am a little pissed about. I agreed to go to this bridal shower to meet his ass. Well My aunt bought the ticket and I will try to enjoy myself regardless.

The ex contacted me again. I swear I know this man so well. I asked him what the hell does he want from me? He claims nothing. I told him that is a lie or he could finally cut ties and not get in contact with me again.

He asked me if I didn’t love him anymore. I told him I couldn’t say that because I am not an untruth. Then he said do I want him never to contact me again. Now that I can say yes. You are no good for me. Then he asked if we could be a friend. I told him he doesn’t deserve my friendship. Which all I been through with him, he isn’t any kind of friend.

I was a little upset with the conversation. I didn’t let it linger, and moved on to I am living my dreams. I am working on my vision board again. I am working on my life and what I can dream I can have. That is a new lease on life.

 

Baby Project #25

I got the trigger shot today. She saw four mature eggs.

Is it too much to ask that my twins show up out of these four eggs?? At first she said three and I was disappointed. We had five last go round. Clearly the high number didn’t help. She had to look again to find the fourth one.

I have my insemination tomorrow. She said if the eggs are still there when she does the ultrasound she will do one Tuesday and the next one Wednesday. If the eggs dropped she will do a double insemination on Tuesday. I could careless about either protocol as long as I get success out of it.

I am going to a bridal shower. Ticket already bought. Dr. Dude didn’t call me back this weekend. So we will see if he is there in July or not. I am not banking on it. I am more worried about my baby project then any man at this point. If he acts up I will enjoy Philly with my aunt.

Tomorrow I am going to have a lot to do. I plan to do to the acupuncture after my insemination. I am pulling out all the stops for this. I took two days off. I feel some fluttering in my lower region. I hope that means something.

Random Life and baby stuff

I was on my way to get my shot to help the letrozole. Six possible follicles found after the ultrasound.

She made the comment of this not being protocol. I asked her what she meant by that. I guess they usually go forward with the insemination if there are four follicles or less. I am praying she doesn’t cancel it. Granted she said, she see no reason not to go forward because we are dealing with an egg quality issue. She also went forward with the last IUI and I had five follicles last time. Granted at this point in the process she only saw three.  We all know how that last time ended up. I am working on being totally optimistic.

If all goes according to plan the trigger shot will be on Monday and insemination on Tuesday and Wednesday.

I took off Tuesday and Wednesday. After the first insemination I am going straight to my acupuncturist after the insem on Tuesday.  I am not sure if I am going to go to they hypnotherapy  I was really thinking about it. Nothing to lose but more money. I might call her tomorrow.  She says she has late hours. I can’t take more time off work. So it would need to fit into the schedule.

Doctor dude called me yesterday. My cousin wedding is in NJ in August. He asked if I could come down a day earlier and we could hang out. To me it is the same problem. I haven’t met you before. My friends think I am taking this to far. My safetly comes first. I been on to many bad internet dates to meet someone in a strange city. Plus when I go I am staying with my aunt in the hotel room she is paying for. Yes I am cheap.

So I called her to see when she was getting to NJ. She was actually going to be there a day early. Great that could work. I told her the situation and she suggested I attend the bridal shower with her in Philly. I was not planning to attend the bridal show. I said if she paid for my ticket I would go. She said I was trying to pimp her. I laughed so hard. I am not trying to pimp her, I have major fertility bills coming my way. I wasn’t planning to spend more money on a trip to Philly. She said no. Then called me back and said she would look into ticket prices.

All this to say Doctor dude lives outside of Philly. I called him and left a message. I never usually call him during the day. He actually called back and thought it was a great idea. He doesn’t have a problem meeting my aunt. He said he could give us the three-hour tour of Philly. So we will see. I might meet Doctor Dude in July. We will see!! No tickets have been bought yet!

My Aunt could be a back up set of eyes. To know this man isn’t crazy. Taking my Aunt on a first date or meeting was not my plan. Life works the way it works!!

 

Baby project #14

English: Cervical cap Français : Cape cervical...

 

Second insemination went smoothly. Five follicles have released  I was laying there thinking HELL YES!! It sounded like good news. My doctor is very dry. She even had a great tone to her voice. She did say if this didn’t work, she wouldn’t change the protocol at all.

 

The social worker and I talked after my 15 min of laying there. I told her I was excited by the number of follicles. She said it is a good sign. How good are they and will they create a baby is the big question.

 

The cervical cap came out easily last night. She placed another one in today. I wanted to go to my acupuncturist  today.  I will be there tomorrow. The last time I was there she said they got robbed. When she left late at night. So I decided against going because I wouldn’t get there until late. I don’t want to put myself or my acupuncturist in danger. Her husband is out of the country for a while.

 

The social worker said try not to worry about it. If I can pull that off I need to write a book. I am going to assume right at this moment I am pregnant with my twin girls. Here is to the Law of Attraction!!!

 

Baby Project #11

Ovulation Predictor Kits

Went to the doctors and I have three follicle ( eggs). She did the ultrasound without saying too much. She waited until after pushing that thing all around my VJAY.

So they are not big enough yet. She wants to trigger my ovulation on day 12. I usually ovulate day 11 according to them. Day 10 according to me. Granted I have no idea how there counting is done. I seem to be a day off. So this means I need to check my ovulation. If I get the smiley face earlier then they predict I will be having the insemination that day and the next day. Yes two insemination one day a part.

I asked her if I would need the trigger shot even if I ovulate on my own. She said she would still give it to me. I didn’t totally understand why, but I am going with it.  So they had the discussion (very brief) about multiples. I do have three follies up there. Hey I am praying for my twins. So was half listening. It was very in and out see you next time type of appointment. I was so spacey on the way back to work I went the wrong way. I could have been to work about 15 minutes earlier.

I swear I got everyone praying for me. I am going to my acupunturist this weekend. I was going to go shopping tonight for clothes. I need to be home at 8pm to take my letrozole. I am trying my best to stay on point.

I also got two shots of Menopur.  I have no idea what that is supposed to do. Granted I am sure I got the paper work some where. It has been so hard to wrap my head around this. I am looking at this prayer on my computer. Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything.

God please send me my children!!! I am praying at my desk. TGIF!!! I am so ready for the weekend. Next week will be a big week for me. INSEMINATION WEEK!!!!

Aunt Flow nailed me!!

This clearly is not implantation bleeding. AF is here with a vengeance  I know it is crazy, but I still want to take the pregnancy test for good measure. Or to soothe my crazy brain.

Now my prayers are for the first insemination to work. The social worker told me via email the doctors is recommending the most expensive insemination. I really want to try the unmedicated with soy isoflavone.

I am really going to pray on that one.  I really have to think of my motives. I know I am cheap, but I really want to have a baby. So I should go with the doctor’s recommendation.

I am not sure if ex is excited or worried. At this point don’t really care. I need to work on my plan. I am going to pray I get pregnant the first go round of insemination with my twins.

I know everything is on gods time not mine. I guess I can go pick up that DHEA to begin taking it today. JOY, JOY, JOY more acne and other side effects.

I think I actually have a few bottles of it at home. I am going to check before I spend anymore money. It is saving time.

I know I make plans and god laugh. But my plan is to get pregnant and have the baby in Georgia. Then head to Boston after I get myself together and comfortable at home, look for a job.

We will see how it all plays out. The fear of not getting pregnant from the IUI is scary. I cannot afford IVF.

Here is to positive thinking!!!