Good Men

you ready

Even though I am a single mother by choice. I do believe there are Good Men out there. I know men like to think I am a Man hatter because I took the male out of the situation of motherhood.

I had no choice. No one wanted to step up. I wanted to be a mother and my time was ticking. I do think Good Men exist I just haven’t found the one for me. Not every Good Man would be for me. Also, not every man who puts themselves on a pedestal is a Good Man.

An ex-contacted me after several years. We are Facebook Friends. I want to talk about my life he wants to send me Dick Pics. If you were to ask him, he would tell you he is a great man. He isn’t the worst dude but not high on my list of prospects.

If a good possibility comes in my life, believe me, I would be screaming like I won the lottery. I don’t want to be alone. I am alone due to not wanting to deal with bullshit. I would rather be alone. I think that has always been my problem according to men. I am too independent. I don’t need a man, I want a man. There is a total difference there. I need someone who would be an asset, not a liability. I have enough going on in my life to take on anything crazy!!!

Third Time!!

We were at the speech therapist. Ava was acting a complete fool during the end. She started crying, and it seemed like she didn’t want to stop. She did get her to imitate again, but she was working on another sound, and Ava wasn’t having it.

Then we went to another Autism mom Friend house. She had a cake for Ava birthday. I was shocked she went to so much trouble for us. I felt terrible all Ava did was the cry. Then she was digging in her ear. We stay exactly 30 min. Then I drove her to urgent care. Something wasn’t right. Ava doesn’t usually cry this much.

He looked in her ears and her troat and said he didn’t think there was a issue. I gave him a look and he decided to do the strep test. Next time I am not going to debate it, we will alwasy do the test. Granted getting the swab down her throat is hard. This child kicks and screams. She did kick the nurse.

The test came up postive for strep. This will be her third time getting strep in a month and a half. He advised me to call her peditirian. I sent an email. I swear a break in my life is non existent. He gave me a different medicine. I don’t know if she is getting reinfected at school . Or does she need her tonsils out. Which the urgent care doctor stated could be a option.  I am going to take it one day at a time. I can’t worry about that right now. I just need my baby well.

So the guy I was chatting with online. The short 5’5 guy. He stated he was in a program. I was thinking ahh shit, is he in rehab. Close but no cigar. He is a halfway house because he was released from the federal PEN. How the hell do I find these people?

Not my thing!!

So when you are reading a dating site profile. Under his profile in the job category, it sounds more like hobbies then something you get paid for. Like photography. Not that I know much about the subject. Other than it is not easy to break into.

So I thought he didn’t put his day job and put his passion. I asked so what do you do? I have no shame it is the internet I don’t know these people. I am a photographer, and my mother just threw me out.

Ok, that got an immediate block. Come on dude you are 44 years old and your mom through you out. I don’t have time for that type of foolishness.

Ok, a handsome guy hits me up with a compliment. You are beautiful. Of course, I replied. He had his Ph.D., and everything sounded good. Now I know I have issues, but when things look too good, I am suspicious. I started asking him questions that are on his profile. He didn’t have kids. Now he is 49 years old. I asked did you not want kids or it just didn’t happen. Oh, I have two kids. One that is in there 20’s and another one is a teenager.

WTF!!!chris rock wtf GIF-source

Then he said did I lose you. I said why you would put on your profile no kids. I don’t want people knowing too much about me. Ok, dude, something smells wrong. I told him when people blatantly lie in there profile my experience they have issues with the truth. Which is indeed my experience. He politely said nothing and blocked me.

I wanted to say by Felicia.phaedra parks bye felicia GIF by RealityTVGIFs-source

He didn’t hurt my feelings at all. I am never that invested until it goes a whole lot further. Then my last guy. I actually talked to on the phone. He also sounded like he was barely working. I am sorry I don’t have time for men who can’t pay there own bills. The next day he sent me a note that we weren’t compatible. I thought thank God I don’t have to find a way to get rid of him. Sounds good to me. I immediately blocked him, so he doesn’t even have the option to change his mind. I hate that when they come back like you were sitting there waiting for them.

Dating Sucks!!!!

What is Hetroflexable??

Ok, being on this dating sites these days is crazy as hell. I met a guy and he was cute. Single dad, good job cute but short. I was willing to let that go. So with initial contact, I then look at the profile.

I saw the word Hetroflexable and I thought WTF???chris rock wtf GIF-source

I had to ask. His reply blew my mind. He stated, “I prefer men to woman and am looking for a heterosexual relationship, but am not opposed to non-traditional sexual activities with a partner that include multiple people.”

Yep, that is what he said. Now clearly this a no go for me. I don’t want a sexually confused man. This dude isn’t even claiming Bi-sexual he is making up words. The funny thing is I  thought he spelled heterosexual wrong. I was not prepared for that answer at all.

Sorry dude you are too sexually fluid for me. This is a first and I have dated online for many years. I guess there is a first time for everything.

Weekend Activities!!

I had plans to do some work. That did not happen. I am hoping I am very productive in the next few days. I have a lot to get done. With a child under one, it is impossible to do work at home.

I believe I am ready to date. I let a friend know if she has anyone in mind for me. Let me know. I did tell her my requirements. Which are not many but very important. We will see if she comes through our not. I have been looking on line. I would rather have a personal reference from someone who knows the person. Not that I am against online. Who knows how things will go.

I am very proud of myself. I put in Ava’s new car-seat all by myself. I tend to ask others to do things because I lack confidence of doing it correctly. My mother even said who was I going to ask to put the car-seat in. I went to my truck armed with directions and did the damn thing. I tried to put the seat in the middle. It didn’t go well. I realized I do not have the hooks in the middle seat. I have them on the left and right. I guess it has to do with the age of my car.

So she is on the right, but I can’t see her in the mirror. I am going to have to find a way to put a mirror back there. So I can see what is going on with her during the ride. I also was looking for something for her to play with in the backseat. With the infant carrier they had things you could hang. Not so much for the next size car-seat. I had to take her in and out all day. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. So I think we will be fine. I love my babies face.

Sometimes I doubt myself as a mother. I know I am doing the best I can. She is my heart and soul. I wish I didn’t have to work and could spend many more hours with her then I do. Who knows, anything is possible. I have the baby I dreamed of. Now I know my dreams can really come true.

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Sex and Power!!

The moment I have sex with someone I give them power. Sometimes it doesn’t bother me. Other times it creates emotional and mental chaos  I had my little escapade in my car. The kissing and touching and heavy petting. Well I had to put the ca bosh on what was clearly going to come next. I took a major rain-check on going to Mr. Man house and watching a movie.

Clearly the gate way to be butt naked doing the dance to give a way my power. This man was honest he has absolutely no time for me. Did he say that no. He said he can make time. Yeah right !!! I heard his schedule and it sounds like there would be no time to make. Plus the moment a man get some sex then the tables turn. You see what they are really about. At your expense. I have no intention of giving this man this power. I have no time in my life to figure out if he is an asshole. Do I want him physically?  Oh yes I do!!

I also am not the best judge in this area. My body tells me something totally different from my mind. So I took my damn self to see the Avengers at the two dollar theater  Now that he knows he is not getting the goods we will see if he keeps in touch. Since I didn’t give him my power and he doesn’t keep in touch. I can let that go a whole lot quicker. It would be clear that his interest was a sexual one and not friends. Yes the man did use the word friends.

We will see if he stands by that  since I have no interest in going to his house. I also am sick of this house dating crap. Take me out. It can be a walk , it can be for coffee. It doesn’t have to always have to be at someones house.

Since I now live with roommates my house is off-limits anyways. I am changing my whole approach and perspective. Is sex worth the danger it can bring to me. I would say no. Women know the deal. You sleep with the ones you don’t want and don’t sleep with the ones you do. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.

After being put through the ringer by many males I finally learned a few lessons. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Now I am changing lanes and doing a double take before I take any leap.

I was at lunch and my girl said do you want to F^@&@ him. I said no. Then don’t go to his house. That is pretty much cut and dry. My mind would tell me it is the total wrong thing to do. Where as my body would totally win over. So I am planning not to fail!!!

Finally a good Date!

I went on a date yesterday. It wasn’t planned. We were talking I reminded him that we live close together. A plan came together to meet at Starbucks. I had to use my GPS of course. I had no idea where I was going. The Starbucks was closed. So technology being what it is. He got on his phone and found another Starbucks. Then we were off. Well we ended up at Applebees. He got some food, I a decaf coffee. I am working on losing this weight. A lot of conversation we are in the parking lot making out. OMG how old am I. Can I say I had fun. The making out moved to the car. Followed with more making out and more conversation.

We met around 8 pm. I didn’t get home until 12:45. I had a great time. I didn’t realize how bad I needed some male attention.

Now the bad news. All we can be, is friends. This man has a lot on his plate. I also have plans of my own. I have no intention with getting involved with a man who has no time for me. Been there got the tee-shirt. It was nice thought. I also don’t know how to back track from making out to friends. I am going to have to work that out some kind of way.

I told him we need to just be friends. He agreed but I am not sure he really agreed. The man can say yes then push the envelope when ever possible. I am not falling for that crap. Okay I am going to try not to fall for that crap. I am not emotionally there to be played with. So life goes on. We do have a date on Sunday. I got to get it together before then.

My Friday!

Happy face

I know today is Thursday. I have tomorrow off which I am so looking forward to. I am taking Mr. Shitty paints to the groomers. He looks horrible. I do care about my dog. It doesn’t show with the way he looks at the moment. When I want to take his name Mr. Shitty paints from him, something always happens. Such as the blow out he had in his crate the other day. I know I am the worst dog trainer in the world. It is what it is.

On a brighter note I am in a pretty decent mood. I have no idea why. I did meet this new dude online recently. Only to exchange a few emails. He recently sent me his phone number. I will call tonight and see if we vibe. He describe himself as a geek in his profile. I think that is my new type GEEKS. I don’t think I was opposed to that type. The ones I come across tend to have a lack of social skills. That made it difficult to get to know them.

I am going to run a bunch of errands. I am also going to take a long nap tomorrow. I been so tired lately. Other than that life has been pretty blah. I have no motivation to make it exciting!! I am enjoying the blah for now. No news is good news.

My friend and I were talking about her marriage. I decided I am going to mind my business from now on. Who am I to comment on anything. I DON”T HAVE A HUSBAND. So no more listening to the marriage dramas. Even if I had an opinion which I do. It is always met with you aren’t married. Which is true.

 So I need to focus on my own crap. I am going to let grown people take care of grown people. They have to suffer the consequences for their decisions. Just like I do. I told a friends husband. I am done interfering in others lives. He didn’t believe me.

I belive I can do it. No more being noisy. Someone told me when you are to involved in someone elses drama it is to avoid your own. No more avoidance I need to focus on myself, my life and my drama!!

Crazy is as Crazy does!!

As I mentioned before it is easy to meet crazy people on the internet. I have been watching too much ID discovery Stalked. When men act to damn aggressive and we barely know each other I run. Red flag, Red flag abort. Well the new guy I met online. We had two conversations. By the second conversation it was abort time.

First conversation was ok. No bells and whistles. We are both single and don’t like it blah, blah. I had the feeling he was a bit desperate. I am not into desperate men. It can lead to a lot of problems. He said he had to call me back. I told him when I was going to bed and said if he doesn’t make it to call me the next day.

Well in the morning I got a I am sorry I didn’t call got in late. That was fine no biggie. Then during the day I get about five more random text messages. He got one response early in the morning. First of all I am not a texter. My cell is in my purse in the drawer of my desk. I have no idea when it is going off usually. I don’t text at work often. Especially since it takes me forever to type anything.

Well by his third text with no response the desperation started to show. He didn’t want to be a pest. He knows I am ok.

I am thinking dude really. We talked once. Well my cell phone battery isn’t worth crap. When I got home from work I put it on the charger up stairs and played my Sims 3 for hours. About 12am I looked at it and saw his messages. Did I mention I got a you must be busy goodnight text.

I text him sorry phone was on the charger goodnight. I was headed to bed. He text back I am still up. All this texting made me nervous. What is up with this crazy person.

So the next day I still get these random text which I did not respond. Then he calls in the evening. I was not in the best mood. There was a big lay off at my job. Thank god I am still employed. I have to say I was a little jealous of the women who had husband with jobs who were laid off. As we know I don’t have one of those. Needless to say I was spared thank god because I need my job.

Well he try to mirror my tone that something was wrong. I said what is wrong with you. He said I am trying to be supportive. I swear I thought what the hell is the twilight zone. I got off the phone with him saying I was just not in a good mood. Then the texting started coming. I hope you are okay, I feel like you are blowing me off, Pray about it and let me know what you want to do.

That was it. No doubts this fool is crazy. I had to let him know I wasn’t feeling his stalker nature. I talked to you once in two days. What the hell is your problem. He wanted to explain. I said not thanks I am good this is not going to work.

I dodged a bullet with that crazy. I told Doctor Dude. He seemed a bit jealous that I was talking to other men. What the hell am I supposed to do wait on him. Ah hell no. I haven’t even met the man. He did agree dude was crazy. Thank god I have radar and figured this out before there was ever a meet and great. I hope he got the message and never contacts me again. He is crazy he might try!!!

Excitment!!

No Joke!

I never want to get to excited. I hate being disappointed. It comes from a mother who made a lot of promises and wouldn’t follow through. She would tell me we are going to the park on Saturday. Saturday would come and she would be in the bed. Screaming leave her alone as a begged to go the park. I would be looking forward to it from the moment it left her lips. Then when she didn’t follow through I would scream over and over you promised and cry. So from childhood trauma I hate disappointment.

Well Doctor Dude said he will be showing up in Georgia to see me sometime soon. He will let me know in a few weeks. I am excited. I don’t want to be excited. If it falls through my disappointment will be great. I have talked to this man on and off for over three years.

My next issue is will I let him stay with me or not. I haven’t decided. I have let people stay with me I have known a lot less. I do not believe he is a serial killer. I have confirmed all the things he has told me about himself. I will wait until a plan is in place to make a decision.

I asked him when he going to make an honest dog of Mr. Shitty paints. He needs a daddy to call his own. Our little inside joke. He knows I want a baby. He is clear if I had money he would be put on the back burner to my baby dreams.

I met a new guy online yesterday. Met being we talked on the phone for the first time. It was a good convo, we will see what happens. I can’t wait until Friday. I need the weekend tor rest my mind. I am going bowling with the girls on Saturday. Woo hoo a social life!! Just what I needed. Something to make me feel less of a hermit!!