I been trying to decided if I was going to contact my donor. He did send me an email three months before Ava got here and asked when was my due date. I haven’t heard from him since. I asked my birth team what I should do. They said I could at least tell him she was born. I really wanted to stay anonymous. Granted I have been very public in another venue. More anonymous to my locations. I know it sounds crazy. I want him to stick to the agreement. Not changing his mind and the drama insures. I called, I thought this warranted a phone call. He answered and said he works nights now and couldn’t talk. I said okay, I will send you an email. I sent him a short email thanking him, and I attached a picture. He wrote back quickly. It took less than ten minutes and it said congrats she is beautiful. He didn’t answer my question about meeting her when she is 18. Oh well, I did my part. He gave me the blessing of my life. I could careless if he wants to communicate.
Well in Ava news. We went to my friend’s house. She screamed the whole time we were there. My friends seem to kidnap her as soon as she walks in the door. They also could careless if she is crying. They have kids and don’t think it is a big deal. Me on the other hand with this being my first child. I don’t want to wear out our welcome. As soon as we were driving in the car she was fine. She has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Her eyelid is red. It has been red for a while. I want the doctor to check it out. I went to the doctor today. When I got to the center I really felt I didn’t like the place. I loved my new doctor. She is young and hip and cool. She is also a family doctor, So Ava can go to her to. After Ava appointment tomorrow, I am going to change her doctor.
She filled my neurological prescription and put me on birth control. Granted I don’t see any sex entering my life anytime soon. At least not casual sex. I am not interested in that type of relationship anymore. I want a relationship. I am willing to wait for it.
I also went to the DMV today which was a nightmare. Granted in Massachusetts you do everything in one place. Where as Georgia, you have a different office for registration then a driver’s license. I went through everything and was kicked out of line. I didn’t have cash for the registration. Which I had no idea I needed. Thank god the ATM in the place had enough cash in it. My customer service rep that kicked me out of line said it might not. I didn’t want have to drive around looking for an ATM. It only took another ten twenty minutes. It would have been less, but the next rep locked himself out of his computer and had to call tech support to get back in. Yeah only me. I was rushing, my doctor’s appointment was coming up. I brought my mother Coffee colata on the way home. I don’t know if she will be able Ava all day when I work. We will see. I think dating will be beyond difficult. I really don’t know when I am going to fit that in. Life will calm down. I want to have everything working smoothly and then I can focus on Ava and myself. Such as getting her room together so I can figure out what clothes I need to buy. Slowly but surely everything will work out!!!
I have to say other than the scheduling issues. My known donor and I are great. It is interesting the conversation I am having with other folks concerning him. Like some want a possible love connection. Another person asked if he would show up to the hospital. All of that is a big no. He did me a favor and that is it. It is different if I bought sperm online. Because he is an actual person. To me it is not different, in I don’t have a relationship with frozen sperm, and I don’t want any relationship with him. I went into this with my eyes open. I think we always want to play out some weird fantasy in our heads. I am not into the fantasy. I didn’t do all this if I believed in the fantasy anymore.
He is a nice guy that did me a favor. End of subject. A friend wanted to know why he would do this. I have to say I was curios in the beginning. I asked him once he gave me a random answer. I didn’t go any further with the questioning. I am not his interrogator. He wants to help me than thank you god. That is all I was worried about. He can keep his motivation to himself. Not a problem on my end.
It is a strange arrangement. One I never would have imagined I would be in. Two people know at work. The whole story. I been at this job almost six years and I consider them great friends. Always supportive. They seem to get he did me a favor period. I am not saying anything bad about him. From what I know he seems like a really nice guy. The point is he told me straight up he is not looking to be a father right now. We have not connected on any type of relationship plane. Which works for me because my plan is to leave this state. All in all I appreciate this man in a way he will never understand. I was thinking about after everything is said and done. I have my baby or babies in my arms. To buy him a present. I know it might seem weird. Not to me. I couldn’t get my lousy ex to do this. He played with my mind for six months. I asked other men. I got a your selfish speech from one of them.
The relationship with my known donor is a mutual understanding. When I had the miscarriage he felt sympathy for me and told me so. When I told him I made it 5 weeks and 5 days he said congrats. What else can I expect. He told me what the deal was from the beginning. There is no love connection here and I wouldn’t want one.
So thank you known donor whatever your reasons were!!!
I went away to a bridal shower in Philly this weekend and gained weight. I am so pissed off with myself. I am giving up the latte’s that been giving me empty calories. I am going to follow my food plan this week and see what happens by next Monday.
Known donor stood me up yesterday. I have to say I was beyond annoyed. I called him when I got off the plane. He said he would be ready in a few hours because he was at his dad’s. Three, four, five hours later nothing. No response to my messages or text. He turning me into a stalker. I finally got my smiley face last night. Thank god it was still there this morning. He left me a text at 4am stating his cell phone died and he fell asleep.
I wanted to say, excuse me do I look like I am dating you. I don’t want any bullshit excuses. Which is exactly what that sounded like. So I don’t want to miss this month. I am going there tonight and hopefully tomorrow and look for a new known donor. Which sucks the big one. I was finally getting comfortable with him. Hopefully it takes and stays this month and I won’t have to worry about anyone. Here is to baby dust.