I have been working on my book with every moment. I bought an author copy, and it looked great. Upon reading it, I found many errors and have been working feverishly to fix them. Ava hasn’t gotten much attention. Which makes me feel horrible. She has her tablet, and she will be gone for hours.
I decided to create a business and get a bank account separate from my personal. I can manage all the money made. Also my other business ventures I can direct the funds into that account. I am still very self-critical that my book is a piece of garbage. Why do I do this to myself? I am going to continue forward. I am hoping my book will be out sometime in February.
I have many things to work on. Once completed I will have everything set up for any future books. Have you ever had the feeling you are meant to do so much more than you are doing? I have had that feeling my entire life. I have no idea what to do with it.
I joined a dating site for single parents. I should have vetted this site more before putting down my credit card. The lack of time in my life I didn’t do enough research. Then I signed up for six months for a better deal like an idiot. One month should have been it. Every guy on there looks crazy. Some look like they are on drugs. I have never been on a site with so many undesirables in my life. That is including Plenty of Fish. I canceled immediately I would be totally rip shit if they renewed this shit ass site on me and I wasn’t paying attention. So I have to suck up the six months. I am going to try and give it a chance. I have a six months to so that.
I wanted a man with kids. So he can understand my plight. I am not the pickiest person but damn, who the hell are these dudes. I read the profiles like hell naw not me, can’t do it. I don’t care if my ass got to 300 pounds I couldn’t do it.
I might be harsh but I wish I could give you an example. You would see where I was coming from.
I am feeling my life is in disarray. My room has crap all over the place. Partly because I have a two year old who likes to touch everything. She drags my shit all through this little ass room. Then I have a cat who loves me and I hate. Hate might be a strong word. Strongly don’t like. In my old age, I realize I am not an animal person.
I need to clean this sometime today. I also have a bunch of scratch tickets on my desk I haven’t scratched. I know it is crazy. My possible millions that are scattered all over a desk. I keep collecting and not scratching.
I decided even if I win, I wouldn’t leave my mom’s house until she is three. I would totally get on trying for baby number two. I know I stay in my fantasy world on occasion. Some folks think I am crazy. I think why the hell not. My fantasy life is so grand and prolific. I will never give it up. It keeps my mind business at work. Even thought I love my job it is boring as hell. I think hell would be more entertaining. So I have to explain, I love my job, I don’t like what I do.
I like my job because there is not stress or drama. I am a union employee (first time in my life) They can’t make me stay late. (LOVE THAT). My boss is so sweet and nice. I am appreciates and they think I am great and do well with my job.
The fact that my profession is not exciting or gives me happiness to do the rest my life. Pales in comparison to the other things I mentioned. I need to pay bills. Most people are not giggling happy to go to work.
When I did this job in corporate it came with deadlines and crazy bosses. I had a few good ones but a bunch of crazies. That want you to sleep at the job to get bullshit done. I have a great work ethic, but not in love with what I do.
All this to say my day dream game is on point. I can go into a whole different world while doing my work. It keeps me motivated try it, you will never go back.
Hey the positive people dream it , it will come. I am going to clean this hot mess of a room. Wish me luck!!!
Ava and going to sleep has been becoming a problem. She always has had a few issue of sleeping through the night. Also going to sleep is a challenge. I tried the lavender bath soap and lotion. Trying to get her to go to bed earlier. She use to be a great sleeper. Now every night we have issues. I know this is being a toddler. Any suggestions please send them my way.
Work has been great. I use to have so much stress from my prior jobs. Corporate America is full of the stress attacks. Always hoping you didn’t miss the deadlines. Trying to please management. I pray my jobs stays the same. I don’t mind going to work. I wouldn’t mind being a stay at home mom. Which is shocking. I never thought I would be that type of woman. I feel I miss so much at work. I call my mom during the day to find out what Ava is doing!!
My mother spends more time with her then I do. Granted she is ready to hand her over when I get home. Which I totally understand. She is a handful.
I am working through all my challenges with my daughters new reality. I swear you make plans god laughs. I have a had a lot thrown my way and my brain is working overtime to handle the stress.
The second baby plan is on. Being 41 and having an only child. I am an only child. I can’t guarantee that Ava and her sibling will be close. It is worth a shot. I don’t want her to be alone in this world.
I still have jealousy issues. I look at people who I feel has life so much easier and I wonder why my life always seems so hard. The truth is I have no idea if there lives are easier. My life is truly not as hard as many. I am blessed in many ways. I look at my baby and I want to cry for the challenges she is about to face. Then I dry those tears and I am grateful that they are challenges and not a matter of life or death.
My YouTube channel has over 600 subscribers. I been working hard to spread the word. Granted I don’t have enough content for it only to be about issues for a single mother by choice. So I do have other content.
My topic isn’t going viral. I haven’t found my audience. I am trying hard. I am not making any kind of money to pay any bills in my world. It would be nice if that was the case. Every time I watch a video about growing your channel. They always say talk about things you are passionate about. Which is what I do. If I did anything else I know I would lose interest. Since it is a struggling channel in one since. It is making a mark in another. If you look up single mother by choice on You Tube a lot of my videos show up. Every time I want to just let it go, someone sends me an email telling me that want to be a SMC and how my video have helped them. So I have to keep going. That is god giving me a nudge I am on the right page.
I came home late. I was supposed to get the deep freezer today. That was rain checked which is fine with me I am tired. I hit the store looking for pork rinds. No luck at my grocery store. I did get more almonds.
I did so much better on my new lifestyle (diet) today then yesterday. I ran out of almonds at work. Had to take a walk to two corner stores to find them. Which is so not me. I am very determined with this thing. Also my co-worker had the bypass surgery and she is pretty much eating the same way.
I haven’t been excited about eating in years. I really been on point. I also don’t beat myself up. Which is something totally different. Work is uneventful, but I am not complaining. I like uneventful instead of stressful. So far so good. I have been there almost two months. I am feeling very blessed.
We finally got Ava on a schedule. Getting my mother to do something I need a 2/3 congressional vote. Once I told her you tell Ava to lay down and she will. That is all she needed to know. Now she eats lunch at 11:30pm and nap at noon. Then when I get home dinner, every other night a shower with washing hair on Sundays. Hang out for a little bit and she goes to bed at 8-8:30pm. It has worked for the past three days.
From what I am hearing afternoon nap is done with no push back. Going to bed for the night, I don’t have it that easy. She gives me that hell no look. I have to keep stressing it. Until I show her I am the boss and will get over her whining and fake crying. Eventually she gives up lays down and falls asleep.
Today things are good. I did play the power ball for 300 million. I am about to start a lottery team at the job. Clearly I can’t give up my gambling ways. #LIVINGTHEDREAM
I know I have been putting my YOUTUBE video on my blog. I haven’t written much for this blog. I will work on doing better. I have a new mission in life. Spreading the word about the choice for women to be mother’s alone. I am a contributing writer for The Next Family. I also decided to hit up a few major magazines. We will see how it goes. All you can do is try. I have big dreams. Granted they are being molded by life more then planing.
In my court news. My car was in a garage that the ceiling leaked a limestone acid on the passenger side. To the tune of 1,700 worth of damage. Of course I made them aware of this. I got it is free at will parking and there will be no reimbursement. You should see the look on my face even as I am typing this. I am not Boo, Boo.
There was a bit of drama that I can’t go into. Another person tried to get them to pay which I appreciated dearly. Ultimately it was to no avail. I then took my ass up to the court house put 50 bucks down and got a court date. With in three days of going to the court house, they wanted to pay all of a sudden. I am not bitter, I just want my money. You destroyed my property do what is right. They asked me to get another estimate. I said no, really wanted to say hell no. I knew I needed to be a little professional. I told them if you asked me to get more estimate when I first brought it to your attention. It would be no problem. The fact that I had to go to court. All I am doing is cashing a check.
Keep praying for me. I am waiting for something else to work out. I have a feeling everything is going according to plan. God has really had my back in so many different ways.
Ava is not really talking. The doctor says she is fine. I am going to have her check out by early intervention just to make sure. I need to always be my daughter advocate. They might say she is fine. Which will be music to my ears. Or that she needs a little help. I know she understand, that is clear. Her speech is not where I think it should be. I am not a professional but I also don’t want to be one of those parents in denial.
I actual called them before and they didn’t get back to me. I will be calling them everyday next week, until someone calls me back. That is called don’t play with mama!!! Thank you to all who read my blog and keeping up with Ava and I!!!
I am waiting to see if my company will settle there issue with me. Or small claims court here I come. I am not going to be walked over. As my aunt said I have education, I will find another job. If they make my job difficult they will have another lawsuit on there hands.
All this to say, I drank coffee at 9:30pm to work on many things. My YouTube channel. I will add the latest video at the end. My possible writing gig. Also looking for a new job. Not sure how much will be taken care of this evening. After two cups of coffee I am still yawning. I am going to make my best efforts.
I am concerned about Ava and her development. Her speech isn’t coming the way I think it should. I say think because I have no idea how this is supposed to happen. What I read on line she is not doing. I have a doctor’s appointment this Thursday coming up. I will discuss it with the doctor. See if she needs some early intervention. Which is free in Massachusetts.
I was talking to my friend who owned a daycare for a number of years. She told me what to do, to help her speech. Then she heard her say up on the phone. I didn’t hear it. Now I am starting to think I need to have my hearing check. With bum ass job and it B.S. health insurance. I will wait until I get another job and better benefits. I know that sounds crazy. But I can’t afford to get sick. Even the benefits lady who was telling us about it called it the don’t get sick plan. Is corp America really that bad. I would have to say hell yes.
I want another baby. I know right I must be smoking crack. As much as I bitch and complain. I think we would be complete as a family of three. Just a dream at the moment. Something to pray about. Hey Ava was just a thought also. I believe it can be possible. I know I will have less help because my mother is doing the best she can now and it is a stretch. Reality is a bitch!!! My fantasy world is amazing!!!