My mother is my hero today. I had an argument with my father. I was very hurt. He was telling me all the things he does for his step grandchildren. Then he used the words you do for one you have to do for another. I was spitting nails at this point. I jump in hold up you never did this stuff for me. He made every excuse in the book for why it was okay. I let it go but was still very upset. I never usually argue with my father. Usually because it goes no where. Other than that I don’t know why. I guess when I argue with my mother I know she will always love me. I guess I don’t feel the same about my father.

I told my mother what happened. She asked my if I wanted her to say something. I said no. That is like telling the grass not to grow. I talked to her yesterday and she cussed that man out. The man known as my father. She told him you will not hurt my daughters feelings. Also those are no your grand-kids.  Yes you raised them I understand that but they are not yours. She said a lot to put him in his place. I wanted to cry. My mom has my back. She jumps to protect when she knew my father hurt me.

She also schooled me on my father is not a bad guy. Which he isn’t. He has done for me over the years. Not with money LMAO. But he has picked me up and dropped me off to college with all my crap. He went to court with me when I got in trouble. Thank god that was all cleared up. It is just hard to swallow that these kids get a father I never had. I had a get in here and their dad. Not even consistent. They had an everyday dad.

This was all over a car. A car he gave one of these kids. Then he said he needed to get the next one in line a car. My mother said it better than I ever could. She told him it has nothing to do with a car. She doesn’t need you for that. She can buy herself anything she wants. It is about being loved and respected and acknowledging that you are proud of her. DAMN I love my mother so much!! I love my father too but I am glad my mother put the smack down!!!


Friday Depression

Well I am no longer in a relationship. He broke up with me via text message. No I am not making this up. He is so sorry that he couldn’t even face me on the phone. Then they wonder why we want to have children by ourselves. We had a text message battle on Friday. Yes I did mention he was a punk to do this via text message. I swear I hate this man. I only had few situations in my life where I experienced hate. This is one I can add to the list. Fuck him and I am glad I know what type of person he is now. He is just sorry in my book. If he came to me like a man and discussed this with me. I would be upset but would have had to accept it. No he couldn’t do that. So I hate him. He better never contact me again. I know he feels bad. I got text message at 12am asking if I was asleep. I just looked at my phone and thought seriously.

What is killing me about this is we have known each other for ten years. We have been friends longer than anything else. Well I decided not to dwell. My girl and I are going bowling and play pool. I am still in a bad place. I am going out with my girl who is less pressure. Not worrying about men at all. I have been asked on a few dates. Yeah I know  I work quick. Well I jumped on my Yahoo IM and started talking to folks I haven’t talked to in months. I got three offers of sperm for my baby journey.

It is funny how men are offering me their seed. One offered and I was beyond shocked. I thought he loved the bachelor life. He said he wasn’t getting any younger and didn’t have kids. He is sexy also. He is another long story from my past. Well actually not a long story but a story I need to keep to myself.  Our relationship was not the brightest moment in my history. Case closed on that LOL. I have to regroup and think about my next step. I decided I am jumping back into dating. I am going to save for my possible sperm purchase. I told a friend from home if a lump some of money comes into my life. I am going straight to getting pregnant and not worry about bullshit relationships. Right now I am going to have to save for that.

Either way god is on my side. I am going to keep taking my supplements for egg quality and move forward. One guy I lusted after years ago. He was so my type. I will not go into why we never got together. Well he is retired from the military and already has children. I told him he could father my children and give me the medical insurance for my babies through the military and we would be even. We had a big laugh on that one. LOL I am crazy!! I know it. If you can’t laugh at yourself then you are taking life to seriously.

It will all work out.