This must be the week of my ex’s resurfacing. Another ex called me last night. We are friends and I usually call him every six months or so to see if he is ok.
Well he called out the blue. I was shocked. I told him my plans of moving home and having a baby. He said I should re think this. I told him has he ever known me to not have plan. I am a very responsible person. I know this short sale is going to ruin my credit. I also know I will never make back the 60K my house is upside down. I know I will never be able to afford a baby in GA. I didn’t need his you need to think about it advise. I know he cares and that he had no malice. None of my decisions were made lightly.
He said I thought you would get married and have kids. My first thought is your ass didn’t want to marry me. What made you think I was so enticing to others. I thought I would be married and have kids also. I am not far from 40 and that shit didn’t happen. So I am moving to plan B. If I have to explain to one more person that this is not how I want it to be, I am going to scream. Thank god for my single mother by choice friends. They seem to be the only ones that understand my position.
I don’t have to justify myself to him. Also he knew I was serious and let it go in a matter of minutes. He said he can’t believe I am moving home. He never thought that would happen. Well damn I didn’t either. I have to do what I have to do.
Everyone is buzzing about the half a billion dollars in the mega million right now. I still play the lottery. Now I am happy to say the lottery dream is not the only way to achieve my dream.
My depression has been lifted. I know it has to do with my eating. It has been two-week of clean eating and I feel a lot better. I still have issues with my life and the things not in it. I don’t feel like I am about to fall of the edge of a cliff. Which is a relief from not to long ago.
I really need to watch for depression because it runs ramped in my family. If I stay on this road I will finally fit back into my clothes. Every time I look in my closet and see all those clothes that are two small I tear up.
I also need to incorporate exercise. I swear I can be the laziest person on the earth. I need to get my body moving.
Mr. Short guy hasn’t contacted me since I sent that you could have call me email. Oh well, not a big deal. I am in the mode if it is meant to be it will be.
The lottery is up high this week. The mega millions and powerball are over 100 million. I know it is a shot in hell to win. I have to give a shot like everyone else. I did the office pool as usual and my own personal numbers I choose. Picking my own numbers can’t be any different from a quick pick in my book.
I remember years ago a 19-year-old won the pot using his siblings birthdays. It is nice to dream. I have no idea what I would do with that kind of money. I guess the answer is what ever the hell I want to do. LOL!!! Today is a good day and I feel good. When I see the glass half full things always seem better.
I had an awful day yesterday at work. I couldn’t get anything right. I brought something to my boss three times wrong. She didn’t torture me. Every time I went into that office I wanted to crumble.
So lottery tickets needed to be scratched. In my world they are for bad days. Sunday I had scratched two and realized I won but didn’t know how much. I was enjoying the fantasy until yesterday. I needed to know if my frown was going to turn upside down. Well thirty bucks was nice but not enough to change my disposition.
I then scratched another one that I had on my dresser. I won again. I thought I would let that one simmer so I can fantasy at work for a few more days. At least to get my through the weekend.
I told a few friends I found my sperm donor if I had the cash to purchase his DNA. I am obsessed with the donor websites. I love some of my friends. They wanted to know his stats like I was dating him. It was so cute!!! I keep struggling with anonymous and open ID. To me there are pros and cons to each. I am just not sure where I stand on the issue. Other than the fact open donor cost more. A friend of mine went anonymous and she was firm in her reasonings. I guess I don’t have to decide now unless that lottery ticket tells me something good.
I know I need to start saving. It is hard because I never feel like I have anything extra. It is budget time. I hate working on a budget. My life is so drab as it is and a budget makes it worse. I could get out of debt and charge my baby making. The getting out of debt isn’t about to happen overnight either. I wish I had this thought about five years ago. I as actually out of debt than. I swear hindsight is 20/20.
I did have a highlight to the weekend. I bought a Wii off a friend for 50 bucks. I set it up and haven’t really played yet. I have streamed movies to my TV which is cool.
I was watching some news show and the Octomom was on there. I swear she makes all SMBC look bad. She is a hot mess and crazy to boot. I always thought her elevator didn’t go all the way to the top. She was washing one of her kids in the sink because her bathroom was messed up. I guess you do what you have to do. I feel sorry for those children. I do not feel bad for her lunatic self. I heard they took away the licence of the man who put all those eggs in her. I don’t know if I agree with that. He gave her a service that she requested. Ocotomom agreed with taking his licences away. All of it is crazy to me. He shouldn’t have done it but we all know money played a big part in this. She wanted it he got paid end of story.
The scratch ticket I held on to was a winner. It wasn’t what I dreamed. A free ticket which equals a winner so I broke even. How can you beat that. Of course I scratched another one in the same manner. I won again!!! I still have no idea how much. I am leaving that for next Monday. When I wake up and don’t feel like going to work. I want to have something to look forward to.
My co-worker thinks I am beyond crazy. He is a true gambler. He offered me 50 bucks for my ticket. I had to give him one of his sayings he gave me. I might be hungry but I am not starving. How would I look selling a winning ticket that could possible be worth 5 million dollars for 50 bucks. I am sure he is going to sell me a pet rock next.
I told the boyfriend again when I win we are going straight to RE for some IVF. Clearly I am not patient. I am ready for my mother’s day card. 🙂
Today is a sad day. My uncle funeral. I could not afford to go home. Another round of guilt for living so far from home.
I know I am crazy!! Not the needing to be lock up type. The she is a little different kind of crazy. I scratched one of my lottery tickets. The ones I told you in a prior post sits on my dresser until I have a bad day. Well I wasn’t having a true bad day. It was a usually day. Sick of working wanting to be a free spirit not worrying about bills. Millions would be nice, but enough money to take a break would be great too.
Well I scratched the ticket. I won but I don’t know how much. Yes that is right I didn’t scratch the amount. My co-worker said I am plum weird. Well I wanted a few more days to fantasize what I would do if it is the top prize. I probably won a free ticket, but you never know.
Hey it is my world and I and I want to save the happiness for another day. I know strange right. My co-worker said there would be no way he could not know. Then he asked me for help with something. I said see you don’t want me to win then I won’t be here to help you. LOL!!!
Well the top prize is not enough to retire for life of anything. It is enough for me to be a fulltime student for a few years. Also a possible stay at home mom for a little while also. Which to me would be ten times better than the full-time student.
The boyfriend doesn’t know he is also in my plans if I happen to win. Meaning I will be on high-speed with this baby mission. Meaning sooner than later and would have to step it up. Well I let you into my strangeness. I will keep you posted if I can officially retire for a few years or buy another ticket to try again.
It is so funny when I ask someone what they would do if they won the lottery. Then I ask do they play and they say “NO”. I think it is comical. They don’t put in the ring but fantasize about winning. I put my hat in and enjoy fantasizing.
The way I play the lottery people find strange. I play the big lottery at work for several reasons. First being if they win and I didn’t put in my two dollars I would be ready to slit my wrists. Second it is a shot in hell to win that thing. Occasionally I play on my own but rarely.
I do play scratch tickets. In my logic I have a better chance of winning. Scratch tickets are only for the state I am in. Using my C- in statistics I have a better chance of winning. I have won up to five hundred dollars. Not the big pay day I was looking for, but extra money is always a plus.
Years ago my aunt told me to look online to see if all the top prizes have been claimed. You could be buying scratch tickets that you have no chance to win because all the top prizes have been dished out. So I look at the website and see which game has the most chances to win the top prizes.
The strange part is I usually don’t scratch them for several months. No one understands my logic with this. I wait until I have a bad day. Then I scratch a ticket. It could turn my frown upside down. Last night the boyfriend wanted me to scratch my tickets. We fantasized about what we would do if I won the five million dollar grand prize. I still didn’t scratch it. I was having a pretty good day. He was a little disappointed but hey it is my ticket.
Well the fantasy involved me getting IVF and being a stay at home mom. While he change careers and becomes a math teacher. All sounded good to me. Winning ticket here I come!!!!