What I am praying for??

I know my prayers have changed over the years. I am so grateful to have my baby. My life is completely different. Even when she drives me crazy, I am still so in love with her I can’t take it.

I am praying to be a stay at home mom. I know it is not rational. I am the only income in this family. God can move mountains so why not pray for what I want. I want another baby and to be a stay at home mom in my own house. I pray that Ava delays are minor and easy taken care of. Her Speech therapist said she is doing great.

We have a delay test with a doctor coming in May. I am praying that everything is minor. We will see all I can do is stay prayed up. The therapist did make good point that she is still very drolly. I looked online and she could have enlarged tonsils which is what the therapist thought. Or her molars could be coming in. I notice she is always congested. I need to make her two year old appointment in May. It can wait to then. I have just started this job and not ready to ask a bunch of favors on time.

I already have to take a few days off in May for her Delay test. God is good and things are on point. I have a snow day tomorrow. No work, Yeppie!!! You never know what is around the corner. I appreciate all my blessing and can’t wait to see what else my life is going to bring.

Winning!!!

Official logo.

 

I thought it was so funny when Charlie Sheen was going downhill he kept saying he was winning. Not funny he was going downhill. The delusion that things were great. In this since I am winning. I won another 115 bucks on my scratch tickets. So we are close to 400 bucks in a week and a half. Granted I have reinvested most of it each time I win. It does put a smile on my face when I win.

 

Now mama wants to win the big money. ūüôā

 

I am waiting for the social worker to contact me with my instruction for this first IUI. I am trying to stay positive and optimistic. I don’t take¬†disappointment¬†well. I guess I need to work on that. My¬†optimism¬†needs to not go down that road. I haven’t tried yet to get pregnant yet.

 

I was supposed to stop reading about IUI on the internet. It keeps making me depressed. So many stories of no success. I will have success!!! That what I need to keep telling myself.

 

In a way I wish I started with home insemination. Even thought I am not the do it yourself type. I am spending all this money in Georgia. When I found a place in Boston to do it a lot cheaper. To bad I am not in Boston. I sometimes regret not moving. It is cold there and I hate the cold. The job was too good to pass up.

 

Everything happens for a reason. There is a reason I am still in this state. I need to stay focussed on my goals.

 

Baby Project #5

Everyone is on board with my baby success. They are all praying for me and it fills my heart so many people want my happiness.

I am not religious more spiritual. I live in a very religious state. The bible belt. So my friend told me to confess today. I didn’t know what she meant. I asked for an explanation. You state it is going to happen. Say you are fertile, say you will have your babies and be their mother. I said I am down for anything. I am going to begin my confessing tonight. It is right in line with my positive thinking. I will have my twins. They will be healthy and I will be their mother.

So on a funny note doctor dude called. He asked me am I really going to do this. I said well your sperm didn’t make in the mail so I guess I have no choice. We both broke out laughing. He still wants me to come PA to visit. On one hand I want to go. On another hand I been watching too much ID DISCOVERY and hearing about catfish which me not the risk taker I use to be. I think he needs to come my way first. On my turf, where I fell comfortable. I told him it has been five years.

The funny thing is I am not pressed about doctor dude. I have had so many bad dates from online. I can not see myself being stuck in PA and this dude turns out to be a dud. ¬†Plus I have a game plan. He isn’t included at the moment. He also needs to make more of an effort to be included.

Confessing and positive thinking and¬†optimism¬†are the new things in my life. I won another hundred bucks on scratch¬†tickets¬† I was shocked. First I won 100 then reinvested of course. Won 80 reinvested of ¬†course. Then another 100. Will be reinvested today. I haven’t finished scratching all the tickets I bought from the initial 100. So who knows. I am on a winning streak. My meal ticket might be a scratch away.

The fantasy will get me through work today with a smile.

 

Baby Project #4

20130315_064920 (1)I got a double line on the Wondfo ovulation kit. The clear blue easy no happy face. I think the Wondfo is more sensitive.

Mr. Man is out-of-town until tomorrow. We will see if another attempt gets underway. I am not banking on it. On a brighter note I am going dancing with the girls tomorrow night. I feel fat and don’t really feel like it.

I do need to get out of the house. I want to go and dance and have fun. I been spending to many weekends running errands and not trying to have fun.

I had to pick another damn sperm donor. This is getting ridiculousness  My third choice that is CMV Рis not out of quarantine.

The bank I am using is small and less expensive as the rest. So I am calling to get the updates of inventory. There website clearly is not updated on a regular basis.

My right side has been spasming for about an hour. It is tingle more than a pain. It kind of feel¬†electric. I am not sure if this my¬†ovaries telling me it is working. Or some blow back from the HSG test. It isn’t¬†painful¬†as much as annoying.

It is Friday and I am happy. I am going to try to make it to acupuncture, try to do the baby dance,pay some bills aggressively, go dancing and do my taxes.

I am trying to accomplish a lot this weekend. Hopefully I am successful. I did scratch several of my lottery tickets. I won 30 bucks. Of course I reinvested  Got to play to win.

 

Lottery Dreams!!

 

I know I day-dream a lot. I did that even before I got into playing the lottery. I believe it is the Pisces in me. I always had a great fantasy world.

I talked to my dad yesterday. He said he was one number away from winning the 100k on Mass cash. I was thinking damn that could have been my ticket out. I asked him and how much would you have given me. Of course I get the “there you go again “LOL. He ended up with 250 bucks. Nothing that would help me in the long run presently. Then he said” if you win what would you give me. I said what do you want”. He comes back with “nothing I am fine.”

My mother and father both are not takers. They are really givers. My mother more so than my father. My fathering being very very cheap. I am cheap so I guess I get that from him.

My lack of patients had me in my dream world more often. I am not crazy I know the difference between reality and fantasy. I don’t want any of my friends calling some service to come get me because they read this blog.

There is nothing wrong with dreams. What would I do if I had no dreams. I would have nothing to expire toward. Dreaming puts a smile on my face in many ways. Sometimes it has help me get through a hellish work day. Which I have had more than usually do to I am ready to go to the next phase of my life.

Life is full of surprises. I know my life has been stranger than fiction. I couldn’t have dreamed most of this shit up. ¬†So for now I am enjoying my¬†freedom¬†of¬†fantasy!!!

 

My day in court!

Today I go to traffic court. I am hoping and praying I can get this moving violation taken care of. I know it is a long shot with all these counties broke. One of their income streams is tickets. So will my day in court be fruitful or a waste of time. Not sure!! I am hoping for the best.

Sometimes if you go to court they let you pay the fine and don’t give you any points on your record. I don’t feel like paying for a ticket. That is life. A series of doing things you don’t want to do!!

I am in the waiting period where my house is concerned. They haven’t contacted me and said they need any additional paperwork. Which seems great I guess. All this is so uncomfortable to me.¬† Which is a part of life also. I guess I need to grow the hell up. Who ever said life is easy Lied!!

Two more scratch tickets won. Don’t know how much. I might be scratching them when I get home depending on how court turns out.

Today will be better!!

Smile-upload

Smile-upload (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yesterday sucked!! I am working on today being better. I convinced my bad attitude contributed to the demise of yesterday. So I scratched all my tickets last night. That is un like me. I usually keep on in the arsenal. I thought I won 20 buck. When I got to the store I won 90 bucks. That was a great surprise. So I went a little crazy with my ticket purchases. Hoping for the game changing win.

I talked to one of my close friends who is a cop. She said I have good case to get my ticket over turned. Nice to know cops. I told her I need to write down exactly what she said. She had the official terminology and everything!!!

I am going to start my acupuncture¬†next week. I guess I could have used my winnings to pay for it. Oh well it takes money to make money. I swear I am an addict all the way around. If it isn’t one thing it’s another. Thank god I was never into to drugs or alcohol. It took me forever to give up smoking. Which is going to be hard when I go home. My mom smokes. I am trying to stay healthy so I can not go down that road again. I hated the habit but it was so hard to quit.

Now eating is a whole nother story. I made it through the night with no extra food than what I had planned. Yay me!! When I get to my goal weight and my clothes in my closet fit I know it will be worth it.

600+ Million dollars!!

Mega Millions logo

Mega Millions logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The lottery is going crazy. I have to say I thought I would be worse. I bought two tickets and I am in the lottery pool at work. I have not had the urge to buy a whole bunch of tickets. I guess I know the statistics of me winning is so damn week.

I did win on one of my scratch tickets. I haven’t looked at what I won yet. It is funny a co-worker¬†15-year-old son told her she had better odds with scratch tickets. From the mouth of babes. He is totally right in my opinion.

I am so damn happy it is Friday!!! I can’t wait to get off work. I don’t know why I am in a rush. I have a class that starts at 8am Saturday morning. It is a get my life together type of class. So I am going to be there with bells on.

Mr Shitty paints and I will have to hit the bed early for a Friday night!! I keep thinking about Massachusetts. How my life will change and what will happen when I get there.

When I make a choice to do something I want it now. I don’t have an ounce of patients!! I keep reading about women having fertility issues. Women who are younger than I am. I need to stop filling my head with negativity. I haven’t even started the process yet!!

When I get out of my house I am starting acupuncture again for sure!!

Ex’s of Christmas past!

Mega Millions logo

This must be the week of my ex’s resurfacing. Another ex called me last night. We are friends and I usually call him every six months or so to see if he is ok.

Well he called out the blue. I was shocked. I told him my plans of moving home and having a baby. He said I should re think this. I told him has he ever known me to not have¬† plan. I am a very responsible person. I know this short sale is going to ruin my credit. I also know I will never make back the 60K my house is upside down. I know I will never be able to afford a baby in GA. I didn’t need his you need to think about it advise. I know he cares and that he had no malice. None of my decisions were made lightly.

He said I thought you would get married and have kids. My first thought is your ass didn’t want to marry me. What made you think I was so enticing to others. I thought I would be married and have kids also. I am not far from 40 and that shit didn’t happen. So I am moving to plan B. If I have to explain to one more person that this is not how I want it to be, I am going to scream. Thank god for my single mother by choice friends. They seem to be the only ones that understand my position.

I don’t have to justify myself to him. Also he knew¬†I was serious and let it go in a matter of minutes. He said he can’t believe I am moving home. He never thought that would happen. Well damn I didn’t either. I have to do what I have to do.

Everyone is buzzing about the half a billion dollars in the mega million right now. I still play the lottery. Now I am happy to say the lottery dream is not the only way to achieve my dream.

It is over!!

Valentines day is over. I survived! I guess my issue with the day is the reminder that I am single. Who the hell wants to be reminded of that. Doctor dude sent a text and called. He said the gift reached the office. One of the office managers is going to bring it to him at the other office today.

I hope he enjoys it.

Light at the end of the tunnel. I did win  on my lottery scratch ticket. I have no idea how much. I am going to enjoy the fantasy of it being the top prize for the rest of the week. There will be a completely different tone to this blog if I did win the top prize. Not that money can buy you everything but it can get the party started.

I need to fantasized to get me through the week. I am so unmotivated. I would lay in bed for a week if I could.

I am not depressed. I can diagnose that pretty quickly. I am dissatisfied with my circumstances. My co-worker offered to buy the ticket from me again. It makes me laugh. My delayed gratification is his gambling opportunity.

A friend¬†is going through drama with custody of her child. Hearing her issues makes the sperm donor thing look great!! Not that I can judge every situation by her circumstances. The grass isn’t always greener. Everyone has issues and problems.

I told my friend she will receive¬†her daughter¬†blanket in about a week. I wasn’t paying extra for quick shipping. She waited two years, another week won’t hurt. No more promises of blankets. I am done on that front. My next blanket will be for a child I give birth to.