I know my prayers have changed over the years. I am so grateful to have my baby. My life is completely different. Even when she drives me crazy, I am still so in love with her I can’t take it.
I am praying to be a stay at home mom. I know it is not rational. I am the only income in this family. God can move mountains so why not pray for what I want. I want another baby and to be a stay at home mom in my own house. I pray that Ava delays are minor and easy taken care of. Her Speech therapist said she is doing great.
We have a delay test with a doctor coming in May. I am praying that everything is minor. We will see all I can do is stay prayed up. The therapist did make good point that she is still very drolly. I looked online and she could have enlarged tonsils which is what the therapist thought. Or her molars could be coming in. I notice she is always congested. I need to make her two year old appointment in May. It can wait to then. I have just started this job and not ready to ask a bunch of favors on time.
I already have to take a few days off in May for her Delay test. God is good and things are on point. I have a snow day tomorrow. No work, Yeppie!!! You never know what is around the corner. I appreciate all my blessing and can’t wait to see what else my life is going to bring.
I thought it was so funny when Charlie Sheen was going downhill he kept saying he was winning. Not funny he was going downhill. The delusion that things were great. In this since I am winning. I won another 115 bucks on my scratch tickets. So we are close to 400 bucks in a week and a half. Granted I have reinvested most of it each time I win. It does put a smile on my face when I win.
Now mama wants to win the big money. 🙂
I am waiting for the social worker to contact me with my instruction for this first IUI. I am trying to stay positive and optimistic. I don’t take disappointment well. I guess I need to work on that. My optimism needs to not go down that road. I haven’t tried yet to get pregnant yet.
I was supposed to stop reading about IUI on the internet. It keeps making me depressed. So many stories of no success. I will have success!!! That what I need to keep telling myself.
In a way I wish I started with home insemination. Even thought I am not the do it yourself type. I am spending all this money in Georgia. When I found a place in Boston to do it a lot cheaper. To bad I am not in Boston. I sometimes regret not moving. It is cold there and I hate the cold. The job was too good to pass up.
Everything happens for a reason. There is a reason I am still in this state. I need to stay focussed on my goals.
Everyone is on board with my baby success. They are all praying for me and it fills my heart so many people want my happiness.
I am not religious more spiritual. I live in a very religious state. The bible belt. So my friend told me to confess today. I didn’t know what she meant. I asked for an explanation. You state it is going to happen. Say you are fertile, say you will have your babies and be their mother. I said I am down for anything. I am going to begin my confessing tonight. It is right in line with my positive thinking. I will have my twins. They will be healthy and I will be their mother.
So on a funny note doctor dude called. He asked me am I really going to do this. I said well your sperm didn’t make in the mail so I guess I have no choice. We both broke out laughing. He still wants me to come PA to visit. On one hand I want to go. On another hand I been watching too much ID DISCOVERY and hearing about catfish which me not the risk taker I use to be. I think he needs to come my way first. On my turf, where I fell comfortable. I told him it has been five years.
The funny thing is I am not pressed about doctor dude. I have had so many bad dates from online. I can not see myself being stuck in PA and this dude turns out to be a dud. Plus I have a game plan. He isn’t included at the moment. He also needs to make more of an effort to be included.
Confessing and positive thinking and optimism are the new things in my life. I won another hundred bucks on scratch tickets I was shocked. First I won 100 then reinvested of course. Won 80 reinvested of course. Then another 100. Will be reinvested today. I haven’t finished scratching all the tickets I bought from the initial 100. So who knows. I am on a winning streak. My meal ticket might be a scratch away.
The fantasy will get me through work today with a smile.
I got a double line on the Wondfo ovulation kit. The clear blue easy no happy face. I think the Wondfo is more sensitive.
Mr. Man is out-of-town until tomorrow. We will see if another attempt gets underway. I am not banking on it. On a brighter note I am going dancing with the girls tomorrow night. I feel fat and don’t really feel like it.
I do need to get out of the house. I want to go and dance and have fun. I been spending to many weekends running errands and not trying to have fun.
I had to pick another damn sperm donor. This is getting ridiculousness My third choice that is CMV – is not out of quarantine.
The bank I am using is small and less expensive as the rest. So I am calling to get the updates of inventory. There website clearly is not updated on a regular basis.
My right side has been spasming for about an hour. It is tingle more than a pain. It kind of feel electric. I am not sure if this my ovaries telling me it is working. Or some blow back from the HSG test. It isn’t painful as much as annoying.
It is Friday and I am happy. I am going to try to make it to acupuncture, try to do the baby dance,pay some bills aggressively, go dancing and do my taxes.
I am trying to accomplish a lot this weekend. Hopefully I am successful. I did scratch several of my lottery tickets. I won 30 bucks. Of course I reinvested Got to play to win.
I know I day-dream a lot. I did that even before I got into playing the lottery. I believe it is the Pisces in me. I always had a great fantasy world.
I talked to my dad yesterday. He said he was one number away from winning the 100k on Mass cash. I was thinking damn that could have been my ticket out. I asked him and how much would you have given me. Of course I get the “there you go again “LOL. He ended up with 250 bucks. Nothing that would help me in the long run presently. Then he said” if you win what would you give me. I said what do you want”. He comes back with “nothing I am fine.”
My mother and father both are not takers. They are really givers. My mother more so than my father. My fathering being very very cheap. I am cheap so I guess I get that from him.
My lack of patients had me in my dream world more often. I am not crazy I know the difference between reality and fantasy. I don’t want any of my friends calling some service to come get me because they read this blog.
There is nothing wrong with dreams. What would I do if I had no dreams. I would have nothing to expire toward. Dreaming puts a smile on my face in many ways. Sometimes it has help me get through a hellish work day. Which I have had more than usually do to I am ready to go to the next phase of my life.
Life is full of surprises. I know my life has been stranger than fiction. I couldn’t have dreamed most of this shit up. So for now I am enjoying my freedom of fantasy!!!
Today I go to traffic court. I am hoping and praying I can get this moving violation taken care of. I know it is a long shot with all these counties broke. One of their income streams is tickets. So will my day in court be fruitful or a waste of time. Not sure!! I am hoping for the best.
Sometimes if you go to court they let you pay the fine and don’t give you any points on your record. I don’t feel like paying for a ticket. That is life. A series of doing things you don’t want to do!!
I am in the waiting period where my house is concerned. They haven’t contacted me and said they need any additional paperwork. Which seems great I guess. All this is so uncomfortable to me. Which is a part of life also. I guess I need to grow the hell up. Who ever said life is easy Lied!!
Two more scratch tickets won. Don’t know how much. I might be scratching them when I get home depending on how court turns out.
Yesterday sucked!! I am working on today being better. I convinced my bad attitude contributed to the demise of yesterday. So I scratched all my tickets last night. That is un like me. I usually keep on in the arsenal. I thought I won 20 buck. When I got to the store I won 90 bucks. That was a great surprise. So I went a little crazy with my ticket purchases. Hoping for the game changing win.
I talked to one of my close friends who is a cop. She said I have good case to get my ticket over turned. Nice to know cops. I told her I need to write down exactly what she said. She had the official terminology and everything!!!
I am going to start my acupuncture next week. I guess I could have used my winnings to pay for it. Oh well it takes money to make money. I swear I am an addict all the way around. If it isn’t one thing it’s another. Thank god I was never into to drugs or alcohol. It took me forever to give up smoking. Which is going to be hard when I go home. My mom smokes. I am trying to stay healthy so I can not go down that road again. I hated the habit but it was so hard to quit.
Now eating is a whole nother story. I made it through the night with no extra food than what I had planned. Yay me!! When I get to my goal weight and my clothes in my closet fit I know it will be worth it.