I did a montage with Ava videos on my Youtube channel. It is so funny how I have this channel, and I don’t have a whole lot of videos of her. I found these old video’s which I wanted to share. I noticed she did look at me when she was young. I have no idea when the eye contact went away. Someone asked me how old was she when this happen to that. All having to do with things of autism. I have to say I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention. This journey of autism and Ava had all to do with her lack of words. The rest went over my head.
This is the first speech therapy appointment and it went very well. I left the room and let her do her thing. I could hear everything, and it was very interesting. God is good and I need to have faith. Stay prayed up.
So she put things in perspective. She does have delays and she doesn’t want to minimize that. Granted they have no clue if she could catch up. Which could happen, you know I am praying it will. I will deal with it if it doesn’t.
I really like her therapist. We have a hearing test and a developmental intake coming up in the January. I am blessed that I have a half a day on Friday. To do all these appointments and be there for my daughter in all things that she needs.
Having more kids seems like a lot at this point. I know I hated being an only child. Granted I have a cousin who is my brother even though we don’t have the same parents. I want my child to have someone connected to her. Granted I don’t know if I have the strength, energy and time for another child. I am going to THUG it out if it happens.
New man in my life has made me feel like I’ve been missing a lot not being in a relationship-. Granted I dated a lot of men who didn’t have there shit together. This guy has his life together, and doesn’t need me for anything. Which is a good place for me to be.
I feel like I am falling in love with this man. I am not telling him about it. That is going to take sometime before he will hear those words. Which is so strange, I will tell strangers online and not the man I might be falling in love with. You guys know how it is. Not ready to put even those intentions out there. I like that he is very interested in what my daughter needs. Granted he doesn’t really play a hand in it. It is nice to have someone to talk to and shoulder to cry on. He did say he would go with me to her tests. It feels good to have someone to depend on, more then anything. Which is something I taught myself not to get use too in the past.
I had plans to do some work. That did not happen. I am hoping I am very productive in the next few days. I have a lot to get done. With a child under one, it is impossible to do work at home.
I believe I am ready to date. I let a friend know if she has anyone in mind for me. Let me know. I did tell her my requirements. Which are not many but very important. We will see if she comes through our not. I have been looking on line. I would rather have a personal reference from someone who knows the person. Not that I am against online. Who knows how things will go.
I am very proud of myself. I put in Ava’s new car-seat all by myself. I tend to ask others to do things because I lack confidence of doing it correctly. My mother even said who was I going to ask to put the car-seat in. I went to my truck armed with directions and did the damn thing. I tried to put the seat in the middle. It didn’t go well. I realized I do not have the hooks in the middle seat. I have them on the left and right. I guess it has to do with the age of my car.
So she is on the right, but I can’t see her in the mirror. I am going to have to find a way to put a mirror back there. So I can see what is going on with her during the ride. I also was looking for something for her to play with in the backseat. With the infant carrier they had things you could hang. Not so much for the next size car-seat. I had to take her in and out all day. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. So I think we will be fine. I love my babies face.
Sometimes I doubt myself as a mother. I know I am doing the best I can. She is my heart and soul. I wish I didn’t have to work and could spend many more hours with her then I do. Who knows, anything is possible. I have the baby I dreamed of. Now I know my dreams can really come true.