I couldn’t wait until five pm today. I was so mentally done with work. I have been eating again. I swear I need to stop. I been feeling twinges and my nipples have been hard. I don’t want to get to excited.
I do have a date with someone I met online. Something doesn’t feel right about this guy. We will see how it goes. I am not optimistic. I have been looking online for a sensitive pregnancy test. I know I should wait but patience is not my biggest strong suit. The work week has been stressful because I been disinterested in work.
I cried to a friend about my desire for babies. I feel so cursed sometimes. I know it irrational and I am very blessed. I want this more than anything I ever wanted in my life. I took a deep tour through my life. I haven’t had a desire and want so deep. It is hard to explain the need for motherhood. The switched was flipped and I am ready to open that door.
I am going to work on being positive and stop all my negative behaviors.
I have to say my party days are over. I was asked to go a few places this weekend. I wasn’t really that interested. I am such an introvert. I really need to change that when my children get here. I don’t want them to be a shut in like me. I will have to push beyond my personality traits and show them the world.
Do I have my twins in my belly. I am praying and hoping. I am long-suffering for my desire for children to be fulfilled. More than a I ever desired a man. If you would have met me years ago. I didn’t desire to be married.
My desire for a husband didn’t come to me until late in life. I was about 28 when I seriously considered being married. Before then I was marriage adverse. It wasn’t age that made me want a man’s last name. It was not being alone. Wanting my own family. Most of my friends had found their husband. I really should have paid attention to time passing. I have to say I was ignorant to my youth slipping away. I feel I made a mistake not moving to Boston. I do miss my family. No matter how crazy they are. They all expressed wanting me home in their own way. If money fell into my lap at this very moment. I would pack up and move in a matter of weeks.
I was almost on my way. I am in Georgia for a reason. I hope the reason is for my dreams to come true. I find out in a few days what my fate entails.