I am excited and nervous. I finally took out the calendar and counted. I am having symptoms of aunt flow paying me a visit. But shit those can be pregnancy symptoms also. I haven’t taken a test. I want to delay my stress and be accepting of what comes my way. If my period come I will just try again. This could be the month. I never discount I could have a probably success. I just can’t take another positive to get another negative. Losing these pregnancy early are really hurting my feelings. I would rather not know I had a positive at all.
I didn’t do much this weekend. With my back being out I gained all the damn weight I lost less one pound. Lucky me!!!. So I started working on my diet again. So far so good. No cream in my coffee this morning. I weighted and measured my breakfast and lunch. I even weight out my salad dressing. Shit when is the last time I did that. Yeah when my ass was skinny. I have to say I been in a happy mood lately. A little negativity over the weekend, but all is well. I am working on me. I wrote down what I was going to eat today. I also wrote two things I need to complete today.
I am feeling cramps. I am so praying aunt flow skips me this month. Let me have this dammit. Here is to dealing with life on life’s terms.
Ok Aunt flow showed up again. Now I am going to test twice a day every day until I find that LH surge. The RE said if you have a regular period 90% of the time you ovulate. I am banking on this theory. I have bought the cheap ovulation kits from Amazon. I got a bundle of 50. I also bought 50 Dixie cups to collect my sample.
I am praying I can locate it. I don’t need any more drama. I am holding off on anymore testing until the New Year. I don’t want to start paying a deductible to have to pay it again. Also open enrollment is coming up and I can get the best insurance. I think I picked the middle of the road insurance this year. When I was picking my insurance plan I had no idea I would be on this baby journey. It wasn’t even a thought in my mind. Now it is all I think about. Not all but it takes up a lot of brain space.
I also know there are things I need to be working on. Such as the novel that has been in my computer for over a year. Yes the outline is done. I haven’t touched it and still have many chapters to work on. The blanket I was making for a friend’s daughter. This blanket has been in a corner for over a year. I feel bad every time I look at it. I am trying to get motivated, in all aspects of my life. Wish me luck!!!