I am so freaking confused. I got the negative pregnancy test. I am waiting for AF to show up. I got a little bit of brown today.
I am going to pay for a blood test today. I need to know there is no human life in there. I already talked to my donor and we have a plan for this month. It all depends on when my period starts. I am going out-of-town right when I might need to be inseminated. Which freaking SUCKS!!!
Wouldn’t it be crazy if I am still pregnant. If I am not, exactly the same thing happened. A chemical pregnancy or an early miscarriage. This is so heartbreaking because I was so damn happy.
I have six positive pregnancy test. They were all first response. The difference in this situation I am not spending thousands of dollars. Which I am still pissed off about. I just have to coordinate with one person and drive there. In one way I am glad I went through the process of insemination in an office. If I hadn’t I would have thought I was missing something.
I wasn’t going to pay for a blood test before. Now I know I have to. I can’t fuck this up!!. I don’t want to hurt any unborn child. I have to treed carefully.
Other than that I am sick of being fat. I went to look for a dress for my cousin wedding. BIG ASS FAIL. I hated everything. They probably weren’t that bad. When you are looking at fat that wasn’t there before it is very depressing. I know it is my fault. I have to get myself together. I know the old isn’t working and I need some NEW.
Two couples I would watch their VLogs on YOUTUBE broke up. I was shocked. It just confirms nothing is perfect.
People don’t share their problems. They share the good-times. Know one is going to get out there and say he is a cheating loser. You never know what happens behind closed doors.
I started taking the progesterone. I decided as soon as I received a positive test I was going to use up my prescription. My friend called it baby sticking glue. She had progesterone shots through her whole pregnancy. She had miscarriages in the past. Now she has a beautiful baby girl!!!
The problem with progesterone is my symptoms are out of control. I am so damn tired. I fell asleep in my car at lunch. I know I had to go back to work. I had to take ten more minutes. I had no energy.
I know I need to give up coffee. It is so hard to do. I will make it happen but it will be a painful experience.
When I was working with the reproductive center. They said one cup a day. I never followed that rule. I tried and tried. Now that the bun is in the oven I have to do it.
I went on an OBGYN search yesterday. It was so damn difficult. There are some baby hospitals in the Atlanta area. Northside hospital and Dekalb medical are the major ones. I wanted a doctor affiliated with Gwinnett Medical. I live in Gwinnett now. Being a single mother by choice I don’t want a hospital 40 min or more away. When there is one 5-10 mins away. After an hour and a half I found a doctor that uses that hospital. So I guess the first step is to confirm the pregnancy.
I told the woman I didn’t know what I was doing. She still wasn’t helpful. I had to pull all the information out of her. July 10th is my appointment to confirm the pregnancy. Then the end of July early August I will have an actual OBGYN appointment.
I am still taking pregnancy test. I want that line to get as dark as the test line. Praying for all to be great and perfect!!!
I took my blood test on Thursday Waiting for the answer today. I have had more crazy moments with a bunch of pregnancy test.
The social worker calls me. How are you doing she ask. Crazy I stated. I understand and I have something to tell you. Okay, I am waiting for a yes or no. She says, I have only had to make this kind of call three times last year. You are the first in 2013. OH SHIT!!! I am thinking what the hell is this about.
Your test was intermittent What the hell does that mean. Well your levels are there they are low. We need to test again on Monday.
Here are the three possible out comes:
1)Numbers go up and end up with a baby
2) Numbers go up, not by much have a miscarriage
3) Number goes down and try again for the next cycle
Then she told me she hasn’t seen someone with numbers this low make it through the first trimester. So now I have a bunch of things going on in my head. Not good news not bad news it is just news.
One good thing she said is you have beaten many odds in the process. We can’t predict what will happen. You might be the exception to every rule.