Wanted by the wrong guy

I was so excited to run into a guy I went to high school with. He was still handsome. Still a little corny but I find that attractive these days. No high school influence or peer pressure. The chance meeting made me feel like I found a winning lottery ticket.

I didn’t even consider that my life doesn’t work out in such a positive manner. I was starry-eyed and dreaming of the future. Well eventually after a few dates he was honest with me. He has a depression issue. I don’t want to go through the details, that is his business. I know it is extensive and I can’t add that to my plate.

My hope of a possible relationship was dashed. He tried to convince me that it wouldn’t be an issue. I wasn’t going for it. I am not desperate or in need of any more bullshit in my life.

Dating is not looking optimistic these days. I don’t have a babysitter. My mom watches Ava a lot, and she can be a handful after a few hours. If I didn’t live at home, I feel she would watch her more. Ava is always in her orbit, so there is no time she really misses her. My father would babysit, but he doesn’t live close. He has offered for her to spend the night, but with all her medications that might not be a good idea.

Another autism mom said she had a guy she wanted to introduce me to. She has mentioned it twice. I am not going to push. If she is going to do it, I am not opposed to it. My life consists of my job and my baby. I do miss my ex. Which I really shouldn’t since he strung me along for years.

I always felt that guy was my soulmate. I think I always have had a level of insecurities. When I was with him, I felt like a million bucks. I had a comfort level I never had with anyone else. Will I ever get that again??? I can only hope!

Bring Life Back

My life has been full of complications. Emotion and physical. Being an autism mommy has definitely taken its toll on me. Stress is a big factor in my well being. My blog has taken a backseat. My youtube channel is put on pause. Eating has taken control of my life. My fat clothes are getting too small. I started taking phentermine which my appetite is gone. I still continue to make bad food choices.

I know I sound awful, but I finally am feeling my feeling which is a blessing. I still haven’t totally excepted my life and the way it is headed. I am coming close to taking it a day at a time.

I saw the interview with the autistic basketball player at Kent State

stories like these give me so much hope. He didn’t walk until he was 4 and didn’t talk until he was 7. Stories like this give me so much faith for my child. I am waiting to hear the words mommy and learn what she is thinking about.

The struggle is real!!!