Working on life!!

I bought a journal with laws of attraction motivation statements. Hoping it will help me with my attitude. I feel very defeated and depressed. I know this is a illness that just comes on and off in my life. My baby and I had a pajama day today. It was very cold outside. We stayed in our jammies. I watched her play and danced with her. I also discovered she like eggs now and pancakes. Yes I ate those things today. She shared and I realized we can expand her food choices.

A reader has me thinking about a low carb diet. I haven’t looked into as much as I need to. I am so tired and did nothing today. I have several things to work on before I go to bed. Namely these video’s and my online presence. I am trying to make side money with YouTube. Which is not the easiest thing to do. They say make video’s that you are interested in. Which is what I do. I have made some money, not a lot to jump and down about. The truth is I do like helping people The people who have reached out to me is amazing.

I know when I was on the journey, I wanted to talk to someone who had did it all. Help me to avoid many mistakes. It is almost 2016, and I am praying for good things in this upcoming year. I like my new job so far. Not stressed, get to leave on time. The commute sucks, and money could be better. All in all I am very happy. I heard the job I left is a complete mess. I am so glad I am out of there. Now I have some decent health insurance.

My life in Boston is so different from my life in Georgia. I was single doing what every I wanted to do. Now I have to come straight home. I have to take care of someone else besides myself. I am very worried I am not doing the best job I can.

The speech therapist commended me for being proactive. I felt like I should have been doing more. Then I talked to my cousin and she confirmed being a working mother is no joke. Reading a book can be a lot when you got up at 5:30 am. Go to work, get home and have a list of things to do before bed.

I have a love life. Which is so strange. I haven’t had one of those in a real long time. We see each other once or twice a week. I haven’t been to his house yet. He said he will invite me over after the new year. I am not as suspicious as I use to be when I was younger. If it works out it does. If it doesn’t’ it doesn’t. I am really not pressed. Just enjoying the ride as we go along. I wish I had this thought process years ago. Would have spared a bunch of heart ache.

5wks 5days

Confirmation done today. I actually did another home test last night. I asked the nurse how many weeks was I?  She came back with 5 weeks and 5 days. This is so surreal. I need to contact my  known donor. I told him I got a positive. I have gotten them before so no one was on high alert. He did his job. I am very thankful. I am going to be nervous until I get past three months. I will be nervous until I give birth.  I am back to morning my single life again. I am still thankful to get to this point.

When I have a picture of my child or children (still hoping for two) I am going to take a picture and send it to that fertility clinic I went to.

I don’t want anyone to say anything to anyone else. Everyone I wanted to know, knows at this point. There are a few others that would be happy for me. I am going to wait until I get out of the woods to truly share. I hate the over explanation if something happens. I already told to many people. I have a big mouth. One of my character defects I need to work on.

I am feeling so fat. When I started this process I was a 8-10. Now I am a 16. There are a lot of factors to how that happened. I am not crazy overweight. I did make a maternity purchase. I went to motherhood maternity and bought a pair of pants and pair of jeans. Both long and extra-large. Now I at least know what to buy online. Large actually fit in pants. I had to ask the lady does your thighs get bigger when you are pregnant. She said yes, so I had to go up a size.

I looked in the mirror and thought damn I already have a big stomach. I hope the baby fills in the space already in there. I swear tall women and maternity clothes is not the business. Tall and fat maternity clothes are even worse. I don’t now plan to walk a run way with my maternity fashion choices. It will be enough to get by. I am not a fashionista now, or when I was an 8-10. So I already know I will be wearing the same things over and over again.

I am so tired. I will be sleeping in my car at lunch. I know it a tease but I need to do something. I feel so tired like, I am about to pass out.

 

Here is to sanity and no stress!!!!