I use an online software Grammarly. I bought it for a coupon last year. My subscription was up. A few weeks ago I an email them to ask if I would be charged at the discounted rate or the new rate. It is my fault I didn’t read the whole email. Since I bought it through a coupon, my payment information was not on the website.

They canceled my subscriptions. Obviously, I complained. Then I realized it was entirely my fault. Who the hell has time to read emails? I wasn’t in the space to pay attention. They felt bad for me and gave me a discount. Not as good as the one I had prior.

I try and stay on top of everything. Things do fall through the cracks, and sometimes it is my fault. If it were not my fault, I would raise hell to make sure they accommodated me. I paid someone on FIVVEER to edit my book. I kept looking at it making changes over and over. I had no idea if I was doing the right thing. My confidence was going down the drain with every edit I made.

I should have it in a few weeks. They are going to send it with Track changes so I can see the edits they made. I am still working on publishing in February, but things are going slow. I am writing this on a Sunday. I did nothing today, but watch TV. I need a day to vegetate. I do feel bad not taking Ava anywhere. I haven’t really shared my daughter with the world for months. Next week we are going to Granddad’s house. I pray there is a cool movie out I can watch. If not I will find something to do with myself while she is visiting with my dad.

I had no mental energy to be productive today. You need a break sometimes.

Speech device update

Ava is killing it with the speech device. Today her note home said she requested 81 times correctly. Every day it is increasing. She also didn’t have any accidents at school. My mother has been doing laundry every other day due to Ava accidents. I really didn’t understand the regression.

She had months with one accident here and there. To four to five accidents in a day. The autism center did have a lot of transition. 11 people left so she was dealing with a lot of new people.

I was working on doing number 2. I made some success not a lot. It is difficult to make headway because I get home late for a various reason. I have to go to the store before I get home. Traffic can set me back. To train her to do #2 in the toilet you have to know their schedules and make sure they are in the bathroom during that time. I keep missing it, and my mother isn’t really backing me up.

She has pressed bathroom on the speech device a few times and actually went to the bathroom. I would love to be a stay at home mom. To be there for Ava and not be the tired ragged working mother. I could also work on the various projects that really interest me. Rather than my day job, which is to pay bills.

I have many passions and thoughts running through my head. I always felt I am meant for greater things. I really thought those things would happen before my 40’s Then this popped up on my Facebook and it was right on time.


“At age 23, Tina Fey was working at a YMCA.
At age 23, Oprah was fired from her first reporting job.
At age 24, Stephen King was working as a janitor and living in a trailer.
At age 27, Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and decided to go to art school.
At age 28, J.K. Rowling was a suicidal single parent living on welfare.
At age 28, Wayne Coyne (from The Flaming Lips) was a fry cook.
At age 30, Harrison Ford was a carpenter.
At age 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker.
At age 37, Ang Lee was a stay-at-home-dad working odd jobs.
Julia Child released her first cookbook at age 39, and got her own cooking show at age 51.
Vera Wang failed to make the Olympic figure skating team, didn’t get the Editor-in-Chief position at Vogue, and designed her first dress at age 40.
Stan Lee didn’t release his first big comic book until he was 40.
Alan Rickman gave up his graphic design career to pursue acting at age 42.
Samuel L. Jackson didn’t get his first movie role until he was 46.
Morgan Freeman landed his first MAJOR movie role at age 52.
Kathryn Bigelow only reached international success when she made The Hurt Locker at age 57.
Grandma Moses didn’t begin her painting career until age 76.
Louise Bourgeois didn’t become a famous artist until she was 78.
Whatever your dream is, it is not too late to achieve it. You aren’t a failure because you haven’t found fame and fortune by the age of 21. Hell, it’s okay if you don’t even know what your dream is yet

Quality time!!

The man and I had a little while to ourselves. My daughter loves her show on the sprout network. So while she was entertained. We spent two shows together. I know that is a damn shame. Such is my life. I love my mom. I will start with that statement. To put things into perspective. She drives me completely crazy. I have had several roommate situation. Everyone things I am great. My mother wants to make me 12 again, and bitch about nonsense. She is the one who has always had drama in living situation. I am starting to realize the factor in her drama is her.

She gets in these moods and then she wants to be mad at everything. So today I was supposed to get my nails done. I usually do them myself. Ava is not the kids to wait patiently anywhere.  My mother watches her all the time. I asked her and it seems to fall through every time. I don’t mind doing my own nails. The feet and hands needs some professional attention. Then I can go back to doing it myself.

So I complained to the man, and he said he would go with me and Ava. He would watch her in the shop. If she gets out of hand he would take her to the car. Sounded great. Even thought he can be hard to catch up with. My mom took that as a slight and said why you going to do that. I will watch her. Why, Why did I fall for that shit. I was supposed to get my nails done last week. I said well lets wait until Sunday it is raining. I should have jumped at the chance.

She came home with an attitude. I didn’t wash the dishes ( Long story which is it own type of crazy) There was four dishes in the sink and sweet Jesus I wish I washed them now. She got her attitude. Which I know has nothing to do with the damn dishes. She is just in a bad mood. I am hear, I have to listen to the crazy.

Sunday comes she lets me take a nap. Great I am thinking her mood is over. After I wake up feed Ava and think OK going to get my nails done. Feeling like a felon about to be out on release. She starts yelling. My mother doesn’t talk when she mad. Everything is yelling. I tend to do it also. I apologize to the man when necessary. I feed Ava put her to sleep, which was supposed to be the nail time. Moms took a shower, got dressed and left.

I wasn’t in shock more expected. She might come back and say I can go. She might not speak to me all day. Who knows how this is going to play out. When I didn’t have a child in the mix that I need her help with. This wouldn’t be a problem at all. Her moods would be just that when I lived here. Now having a child in situation and I need her help I am stuck. I hate when someone has the upper hand on me. It drives me crazy. One of the reason I left and moved so far away. I know this isn’t the biggest problem in the world. My hands and feet will be alright until I get them done. It is just a pain in the ass.