Now I am sick !!

20140926_092423My mother was sick, The baby is getting over being sick. I guess it is my turn. I just want to sleep. A five month old that isn’t entirely possible.  I know people are against kids and electronics, but it has turned into a single mother best friend. I have her watching infant stimulation, leap-frog learning videos. It keeps her attention for about ten minutes. I have toys for her but she isn’t old enough to play by herself. When I need to wash dishes or anything else I try my best to entertain her.

I started looking for a job yesterday. My mother and aunt asked me what was the hurry. The hurry is I haven’t won the lottery yet, or independently wealthy. So I am need to make money. Plus I am apply for the jobs I am truly interested in. There were a few jobs for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I am actually going for a lower level job. I don’t want a management job. I am not looking for the stress of management. I don’t want a bunch of overtime. I want to do my job the best I can and take my butt home. I don’t want any crazy job stress. I have enough stress in my life. I also have my plan if I win the lottery life. As I always stated my fantasy life is ten times greater than my reality. I guess that use to be true. Now thinking about it my baby Ava trumps my fantasies. It still would be nice to win the lottery!!!

It is starting to get cold in here. People do not turn on the heat early. I have my electric blanket on high. I hate being to cold or to hot. I haven’t had to much of a social life. Which to be honest since I have been on this baby journey for about three years. I haven’t had much of a social life. When I first moved to Atlanta I was party central. I know that was so long ago. I don’t want to be party central, but I still want to look good. Not like I gave up on life and interacting. I miss having a man interested in me. I have talked to my ex. We talked for a few days and I haven’t heard from him since. I know having a baby and leaving the state has finally put a nail in the restoration of our relationship. Which is actually a great thing. Even thought I wasted to many years with that on and off again relationship. I am glad I got my baby and not waited for him to marry my ass. I would have been dead and buried before that happened.

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26 DPO

I called the OBGYN and had a conversation with the receptionist. We made an appointment for confirmation of pregnancy on Oct 7th first thing in the morning. She said if I get my period to let them know. I am so nervous. This is the game changer I wanted. I still can’t help to think damn did I really do this. All baby dust pushed my way will be appreciated!!!

My new job as a manager seems to be working out pretty good. I got let in on some information today. I am thinking to myself I didn’t want to know that. Another manager and I discussed the information and she was right. It is hard to take your feelings out of the situation. There are some downsides to being management.

 

25 DPO

No period!!! I still haven’t taken a test and trying to wait another week. I did get nauseated today and had to get some diet sprite to get it together. This could be real. I emailed known donor and he asked when was the period supposed to come. No response after that answer. I wasn’t looking for a parade from him, but a little more than that.

I have done it again. Looking at the pictures on Facebook and getting jealous. Then I had to think of a friend I have that relationship looks great on the outside but a horror show on the inside.

The guy I was supposed to meet on Saturday. Called at 9 pm after I left him a text saying lets meet at 5 pm. Yeah clearly a loser and would not get my attention. Well he even stated in the message he got my text at 10am. Then proceeded to go into some excuse that sounded like totally bullshit. I deleted it and assumed he would get the message with my lack of response. Well I guess that was too much to ask. He sent me a text on Sunday asking if I got his message. Are you freaking kidding me. I didn’t reply to that either. From the hot comment to this. Every time I don’t go with my first in-stink, I am reminded it works believe it.

I am tired. I am always tired actually. More tired than usual. I took a nap in my car during lunch and I wanted to stay out there all day. I had to drag myself back to work. I feel like everything is coming together. I have no complaints at the moment. I am going to put this man thing on the back burner. Which is annoying since I paid for a site not to long ago. I just not in the mood to deal right now. I have bigger things to focus on. I am staying positive.

I know relationships are hard. I am not in the mood for hard right now. I need some, no drama kind of world for a while. HERE IS TO NO DRAMA. I am going to take the time to hide my profiles. I will use them again I am sure.

22 DPO

I think I am counting correctly. I know my period is a no-show. I thought I saw a brown spot when I was in the bathroom. Checked again and nothing. I have to say I am happy and nervous. I been having something going on in my abdomen. I am not going to call it pains. Cramps and some spasing in the couchie area.

So I talked to my father last night. I haven’t filled him in on what I am doing. All I said is I am still working on having a baby. He said can we do this the natural way. I said what do you mean. He said a man and a woman, maybe a husband. Dad a husband isn’t easy to find. Yes it is, a good one is hard to find LMAO. We both laughed.

I will tell him eventually I guess, maybe. I did tell him he will be babysitting. I got the speech I live my life one day at a time. Yeah, Yeah you will be babysitting. I heard him talking to my step sister, Who lives upstairs with her kids. I said ask her if she would babysit. She asked if I was pregnant. I am positive my father hasn’t told her anything. She said she would babysit. Her youngest is in high school. Everyone loves babies. I would want her to help my father more than babysit. Either way I am not doing all this to have my kids with other people all the time. I am building my network, village, folks. What ever you want to call it. When I do need someone, I need to know who will be on the list.

I sleep allot. I am nervous about having a baby and sleep deprivation. My medication makes me very tired. I am going to the neurologist to see what I can do about that. I am going the end of October. So I should know if I am pregnant by then.

 

19DPO Still nervous!!!

it is 19 days past my ovulation. No period in site. I am happy and nervous. I am cramping. Not allot but it is making me nervous. You go online to see if this is normal. Online searches is the worst thing to ever do. I never seem to find good explanations. Maybe I don’t know how to search.

The very handsome guy who sent me an emailed called. I am not feeling his personality. He seems a little stiff in his conversation. He sounds like an old man and he is only 38. He wants to meet today. I do like that he has some urgency. This week isn’t good for me. So he will have to wait. He also said something about he could not date someone who isn’t hot. WTF does that mean?? So do you need to look like a super model. If that is the case drop my resume from consideration. The truth is looks are so subjective. I am not seeing a great turn out with this one. I am still going on the date.

No real reason not to. He lives close to me, it isn’t taking me out of my way.  Trying to stay positive!!!

I am back!!

I guess the question is where have i been. In my own world. My computer got electrocuted. Yes lightning knocked the power out of my home desktop. It is in the hospital and I hope they can fix her. I am not looking for another major expense. I miss her. I thank god I still have my bootleg laptop. The computer hospital won’t even get back to me until this Sunday. They already charged me 40 dollars just to look at it.

On the baby front I took my soy isoflavone this month. I realized I didn’t take enough last month. I bought the soy from the vitamins store. Thinking I can get more potent soy isoflavone. I was shocked there were so many pills in the bottle. When I read the back which I didn’t do last month. The percentage of soy was half of the Walmart pills. Reading is fundamental.

Today is my first day of insemination. My plan is to do it every other day until next week Wednesday. I will see if known donor acts right. Each month it is something with him. I don’t understand why I have to deal with this crap when I am not dating him. But I guess dealing with men in any manner can present problems.

On the man front I went on a date last night. I can barely believe it myself. Very handsome 6’4 Armenian guy.  Not sure we are a match. We had a language barrier. We also had a discussion of how he feels washing dishes is not men’s work. Other than that I think it went well. We will see if he acts me out again. If he does I will go. If not I will move on as usual. I haven’t told him anything about my baby project. I have no idea when I would tell someone anymore. On the first date is a big fat NO!!

Aunt Flow is here!!

No pregnancy this month. At least with this upcoming cycle I am not going anywhere. Known Donor and I have had a come to Jesus meeting. We will see if he continues to act right. I took yesterday off. I was mentally sick. I needed a break to just do nothing. Which is exactly what I did. I stayed in the bed to three pm. Then I got my ass up dusted myself off and rejoined the world. I think on a better note. I needed to be pitiful for a day.

When I got up I walked the park twice. I didn’t over eat yesterday. I had a hard time going to bed. Which figures after sleeping on and off for countless hours. I even did my Dance central 3 game on my XBOX. I am still keeping hope alive.

I have been lonely lately. I need to do more and meet people. I am back online. Yes what else is there to do at my age. I don’t want to join a bunch or random groups. Which is the usual answer from any non single person. I want one on one male attention. I find it hard to do while trying to make a baby with someone else. I am going to phrase my ad as looking for a friend to hang out with. Instead of I am looking for the love of my life. Which I have to say honestly at this moment I am not. Also I don’t have to tell them a damn thing. I think one of my major problems is I have a big mouth.

I am going to begin the soy isoflavone again today. 1-5 is to help achieve the pregnancy with old eggs. 5-9 is for multiples, 3-7 is a happy medium most women use. I am going for 1-5. Yes I would like multiples but if I have to get pregnant again it is what it is. It has succeeded in pushing my ovulation back. Which in my mind is a great thing. I am not sure if the cervical mucus is harming the sperm. I am going to look into doing something about that this month. I haven’t noticed an influx of it. Who knows, anything is worth a shot. I think I drink some Robitussin for a few days. I can do that. As you can see I am willing to try anything.

I just found this on a mommy website.

1-5 = you produce more eggs, and ovulate sooner, with a stronger ovulation.

2-6 = you produce more eggs that usual, but not as many as taking it 1-5. Eggs may be more mature, and ovulation will be slightly more strong than 1-5.

3-7 = The best of both worlds, a few more eggs, and all eggs will be strong & mature, and ovulation will be alot stronger than 1-5.

4-8 = No more eggs will be produced, but the ones already there, will be matured alot more than usual, and ovulation will be very strong. Ovulation may only be brought forward a teeny bit.

5-9 = You’ll have one very mature strong egg, from the ones you already produced on your own. Ovulation will either happen when it usually does, or a few days later, but your egg will be of great quality.

I might be going at this very wrong. I am going for 5-9 this month, or 4-8.

 

Random stuff

So I did my second day of couch to 5k. Still not graceful but better than the day before. I am going to the gym today to finish out the week. I am going to continue the same routine when I am out-of-town. I contacted my Donor and we are meeting up on Thursday. I have completely no idea when I ovulate these days. So I am trying to cover all bases. I am praying no happy face will show up when I am out-of-town. I am taking my sticks to test day and night. I am going to begin testing tonight which is actually day 8. When I do the insemination it will be day 9. Before I started the soy isoflavones I have been ovulating day 10. Last month I ovulate Day 14. I get back day it will be day 13 of my cycle. I am praying it all works in my favor timing wise.

Even thought it is a 20% chance or less every month. I would at least want to give it a real try. I did my soy at the time for better egg quality at this point. I just want it to happen. I also decided I am not going to stay in Georgia to long after my lease is up. If the baby is not made by January. Hopefully I will have lost the 50 pounds and will be Boston bound. It only makes sense to go back to Boston the way I left. Thin and confident. I am thinking about getting a night job when I get there. For various reason. I can go to school, and also work on getting pregnant during the day. I am sure it will pay less than what I am use to. As long as I can pay my bills, eat and save I can give a damn. It is time to live my life for my dreams and nothing else.

I was thinking a hotel assistant manager. I am going to keep an eye out. I also need to update my resume. That is going to be on my things to do list.

Baby Project #49

Second insemination yesterday complete. I was a little worried. He text me he was exhausted. I wanted to say I don’t give a shit, stick to the plan. I know that is ugly, but I can be honest on my blog. He did come through. I haven’t gotten any response from a possible new known donor. So I have to work with what I got for the moment. So now the waiting game is on. I know me and I will be crazy in a few weeks with the first response test. I can lie and say I won’t, but come on!!

I am going to the therapist today. I am a little nervous. She didn’t call to confirm my appointment. We will see if she shows up. I never had a medical appointment not confirmed the day before.

I need to work out my issues. I know everyone has issues, mine just seem a little too much these days. I am so freaking happy I found that damn happy face. I thought my ovulation went to shit.

I remember the doctor telling me she didn’t want me to ovulate early. I usually ovulate on the 10/11 day. She wanted it in there longer to grow.  I might have hit the jackpot. I didn’t get the happy face until the 14 day. So if there is any truth to her theory that might have helped out. I don’t know if the soy isoflavone helped also? I know I am going to keep taking it. I know I felt my ovulation this month. That never happens to me, so hopefully I am doing something right.

I am not sure if I should buy more ovulation predictor kits. I don’t want to be without if I need them next month. Also I need to know the cheap early pregnancy test. If anyone in the blogosphere knows where I can order online,  Please put a link in the comments. It would be much appreciated, because first response can get expensive. Especially with my constant testing.

I still can’t believe I had six positive pregnancy test last month to disappear. The good news is I can get pregnant. Now how do I do it and stay pregnant with a healthy child or children???

 

Missing Happy Face!!

Ovulation test

I still haven’t gotten my happy face. I am praying I see it when I get home from work. My last insemination is tonight then I am going out-of-town. I know live sperm last 48-72 hours. So hopefully I am covered. My body usually works very well. I wonder what the hell is throwing it off.

I wonder if being pregnant for a  week through it off?? Missing a day of the soy isoflavone??

I am trying to cover all bases. I had another insemination last night. I feel like a crazy fool. Thank god traffic wasn’t that bad. I got there in about 45 min.

I felt something twinge in my lower area today. I am not the person in-tune with my body. It could have been gas for all I know. I am supposed to have another insemination when I get back on Sunday also. I was thinking of bringing my ovulation predictor kit with me if I don’t see it today or tomorrow morning. I haven’t finished packing. I also heard it is raining in PA so I need to rethink my outfits. Which sucks because gaining weight limits my wardrobe in a big way. I can’t believe I been in my apartment six months. Time is flying and I need to decided what I am going to do when my lease is up.

Working on the baby first then I can think about something else. Trying to stay focused.