I am no religious. I don’t claim any religion. I don’t go to any place to worship. I did go to many places to worship during a period of my life. I been to a mosques, which to clear up the Farrakhan, black Muslim mosque in the Boston area. I been to Baptist, Presbyterian, Catholic, The church of Christ. I been to many more. Not on a search usually because I am a friendly person who will talk to anyone. I was invited to I went.
I was agnostic in my beginning years. I believe there was a god. I just felt he didn’t do shit for me. Like Santa Claus skipping my house on Christmas. I didn’t get a spiritual life until I was 22 and committed to a 12 step program. For a major addiction I had in my life. FOOD!!! There are several 12 step programs for food. I have been in a few. I will not name them because it is supposed to be anonymous. I lost a 100 pounds. With asking god to help me stop eating. The program I also stopped smoking asking god for help. It help me to realize there was something other than myself helping me through life.
I don’t care if you called him Christ, Jesus, Jehovah, Allah. I am more spiritual than religious. I have never really read the bible. I feel god has my back and I try to be a good person. Not a perfect person but a good person. I also feel prayer works. A lot of my prayers have been answered.
I was talking to a good friend and she was telling me about the movie War room. Ultimately it is about black people praying. That is a quick synopsis. It is really a B movie, but it had such a impact on me. I need a war room. Which is a prayer room. I have no space in this house for that. I am going to find a way to set it up. I have so many things I need to focus on in prayer. I have to remember god is listening. I don’t say that because someone told me, like a preacher. It because I seen the miracles happen in my life. I have real struggles and issues that I have found a way through prayer. Believe me I have many other things and people to pray for. I am just a beginner.
Went to the doctors and I have three follicle ( eggs). She did the ultrasound without saying too much. She waited until after pushing that thing all around my VJAY.
So they are not big enough yet. She wants to trigger my ovulation on day 12. I usually ovulate day 11 according to them. Day 10 according to me. Granted I have no idea how there counting is done. I seem to be a day off. So this means I need to check my ovulation. If I get the smiley face earlier then they predict I will be having the insemination that day and the next day. Yes two insemination one day a part.
I asked her if I would need the trigger shot even if I ovulate on my own. She said she would still give it to me. I didn’t totally understand why, but I am going with it. So they had the discussion (very brief) about multiples. I do have three follies up there. Hey I am praying for my twins. So was half listening. It was very in and out see you next time type of appointment. I was so spacey on the way back to work I went the wrong way. I could have been to work about 15 minutes earlier.
I swear I got everyone praying for me. I am going to my acupunturist this weekend. I was going to go shopping tonight for clothes. I need to be home at 8pm to take my letrozole. I am trying my best to stay on point.
I also got two shots of Menopur. I have no idea what that is supposed to do. Granted I am sure I got the paper work some where. It has been so hard to wrap my head around this. I am looking at this prayer on my computer. Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything.
God please send me my children!!! I am praying at my desk. TGIF!!! I am so ready for the weekend. Next week will be a big week for me. INSEMINATION WEEK!!!!
I haven’t been excited about anything in a long time. Even thinking about Doctor Dude doesn’t bring me fake excitement. My life is become so humdrum. I think my dog is even bored with the routine. He tries to get us to walk different ways in the evening. He probably thinks his mommy is so predictable.
My life has become very predictable. It is kind of pathetic. When I first moved here I was a mover and a shaker. I was going out having fun. Those things don’t excite me anymore.
Meeting new men doesn’t excite me anymore. My disappointment meter with men have over flown. It is hard to muster excitement when they are concerned.
My gloomy gus attitude needs to change. I talk to other people and there lives sound just as boring as mine. Is that what happens later in life. Is that why people have mid-life crisis, to muster some excitement. Prayer works, I am going to pray for excitement and happiness. Not drama, excitement just to be clear.
On another note Doctor Dude received his present. He asked me how I knew he like dark chocolate. How about I had no idea it just looked pretty in the picture. Also it was inexpensive that sold me. I told him it was a lucky guess. Hey I will take my brownie points. I didn’t want to say I didn’t really think about it. Which I didn’t
I made someone happy. That is cool. Now I need to work on myself!! Which has always been extreme hard for me!!
I thought about my post yesterday. I know my life is not perfect. I keep having to tell myself I am blessed. I have a lot to be grateful for. I know this and need to be reminded every time I go down the negative road. I am still breathing. Which means I have another day of possibilities.
I always was told everything happens on gods time not mine. Well sometimes I wish god would hurry up. I didn’t pray last night. I decided I was going to start praying every night and missed the first night.
That is damn shame. Well I am going to try again tonight. My mother tells me god listens and will help me if I pray. So that is the plan. Other than prayer I am at a loss. I will start my prayer with a thank you for what I do have. Before I go into what I feel I am missing.