I am still sick every day. It might let up on occasion, but stays pretty consistent. It doesn’t matter what I eat. I still feel exactly the same like I should be throwing up. I been listening to my prosperity YouTube video at night. Money in my life at this point would be great. All I see is more and more going out. I haven’t gotten over the fear yet. I think other people have an idea about how I am supposed to feel. My aunt said you should be happy. I am happy that I am pregnant. Doing it alone is not what I am happy about. Yes I am getting what I want. I wanted a baby and with god on my side hopefully everything will be perfect for that to happen. I still don’t feel out of the danger zone yet.
I am still sad that I don’t have a boyfriend or husband. I have a right to feel that way. I think people have a right to feel how ever they do. I don’t need to explain it or justify it. I know everyone is happy for me and have advise. I have to say a few things that have been said pretty much on a regular is annoying as hell. The first question is how are you doing? Then I mention I am sick all the time. The response is well that is pregnancy. My mother even laughs when she responds. Since she had such a horrible pregnancy with me. Shit I know it is pregnancy. So four different people asking me how I feel then the next thing is that is pregnancy. How many times do you have to say it damn. I get it!!! I am sick you asked me how I felt. Why are you asking how I feel just to declare it is pregnancy. Unless you have some useful information or help please stop telling me the obvious. I know I am being a brat, but I am really sick every day all day. It is hard to get to and get through work.
I am not complaining I am glad my baby is letting me know they are there. It makes me feel better to have this sickness. It is very hard to get through the day. I am going to work on praying at night. I gotten out of that habit and need to bring it back. My spiritual life is lacking in a big way these days.
This appointment was a lot longer than expected. I had to call me job and tell them I was going to be late. Of course being 38 I am high risk. Then taking the medicine I take I will have to see a fetal medicine doctor. So no ultrasound today. She said the fetal medicine doctor will do it. They also have better machines. I did have to take the diabetic test today. I wasn’t prepared for that at all. Because I am old and my dad is pre-diabetic. So that next appointment with them will be in a month. The fetal medicine doctor, they have to run through my insurance first then make an appointment. She gave me a prescription for prenatal and nauseous medicine. The midwife didn’t ask a lot of extra questions. I said the father was not in the picture end of subject. The phlebotomy lady was very nosy. Asked me why I waited, did I just get married, and a few other personal question. I gave her vague answers. I wasn’t upset she was being nosy. I was caught off guard. She did share personal information about herself. Nice, nosy woman taking my blood.
I did learn I am so overweight I only need to gain 15 pounds. When they weighted me it looks like I lost six pounds. From the highest I seen on my scale. All this is hard to take in. My family is calling asking a bunch of question. My aunt wants to come visit and go to a doctor’s appointment. I appreciate all that, but I am trying not to throw up at my desk. I wasn’t that accommodating when they called. I am trying to get through this work day in once peace. I am also nervous to make it past one trimester. I also declined to do any testing they have to stick needles in my stomach. I took the less evasive blood test that when I take it, is about 95% my child is okay. I am going to pray and ask god to bless the baby in my stomach. When she asked.
I am not jumping for my aunt to visit. She wants me to drive her all over the place when she is here. If she comes it isn’t about her and we are not crossing town because she wants to check on this and that. I am not in the mood to cater to anyone at the moment. I just want to lay in the bed any moment i have. I don’t have time for anyone else, I have another month to get through.
Second insemination yesterday complete. I was a little worried. He text me he was exhausted. I wanted to say I don’t give a shit, stick to the plan. I know that is ugly, but I can be honest on my blog. He did come through. I haven’t gotten any response from a possible new known donor. So I have to work with what I got for the moment. So now the waiting game is on. I know me and I will be crazy in a few weeks with the first response test. I can lie and say I won’t, but come on!!
I am going to the therapist today. I am a little nervous. She didn’t call to confirm my appointment. We will see if she shows up. I never had a medical appointment not confirmed the day before.
I need to work out my issues. I know everyone has issues, mine just seem a little too much these days. I am so freaking happy I found that damn happy face. I thought my ovulation went to shit.
I remember the doctor telling me she didn’t want me to ovulate early. I usually ovulate on the 10/11 day. She wanted it in there longer to grow. I might have hit the jackpot. I didn’t get the happy face until the 14 day. So if there is any truth to her theory that might have helped out. I don’t know if the soy isoflavone helped also? I know I am going to keep taking it. I know I felt my ovulation this month. That never happens to me, so hopefully I am doing something right.
I am not sure if I should buy more ovulation predictor kits. I don’t want to be without if I need them next month. Also I need to know the cheap early pregnancy test. If anyone in the blogosphere knows where I can order online, Please put a link in the comments. It would be much appreciated, because first response can get expensive. Especially with my constant testing.
I still can’t believe I had six positive pregnancy test last month to disappear. The good news is I can get pregnant. Now how do I do it and stay pregnant with a healthy child or children???
I still haven’t gotten my happy face. I am praying I see it when I get home from work. My last insemination is tonight then I am going out-of-town. I know live sperm last 48-72 hours. So hopefully I am covered. My body usually works very well. I wonder what the hell is throwing it off.
I wonder if being pregnant for a week through it off?? Missing a day of the soy isoflavone??
I am trying to cover all bases. I had another insemination last night. I feel like a crazy fool. Thank god traffic wasn’t that bad. I got there in about 45 min.
I felt something twinge in my lower area today. I am not the person in-tune with my body. It could have been gas for all I know. I am supposed to have another insemination when I get back on Sunday also. I was thinking of bringing my ovulation predictor kit with me if I don’t see it today or tomorrow morning. I haven’t finished packing. I also heard it is raining in PA so I need to rethink my outfits. Which sucks because gaining weight limits my wardrobe in a big way. I can’t believe I been in my apartment six months. Time is flying and I need to decided what I am going to do when my lease is up.
Working on the baby first then I can think about something else. Trying to stay focused.
I have been taking these home pregnancy test. I took another first response and got a negative. My fears have come true. This is what I have been scared of!! I have six positive test. Three negatives and I feel like my period might be coming. I am so sad. I need a confirmation one way or another. I haven’t seen my period yet but my sad face is on today.
I am going to wait and see if my period will show up soon. I swear all this positive and negative sucks big time!!!
My friends birthday activities was very fun. We went to a jazz club. The service was really bad. I didn’t eat anything, but I couldn’t get a second refill on my three dollar soda.
I did have fun hanging with the girls. We laugh we joked and had a great time. I met some new people and tried to play matchmaker with a guy at the bar and one of the women at my table. I have no idea if it will work out, but I tried. My friend got drunk. It was funny, because I don’t think she meant to. Three guys bought her shots for her birthday. I was the designated driver. Since I don’t drink it wasn’t a big deal. On the way home she was falling asleep in the car. I am glad she enjoyed her birthday.
On the baby front. I am tracking my ovulation. Also trying to coordinate the boyfriends work schedule with my ovulation schedule. I am trying to stay positive that it will work out. Stressing does not help with trying to get pregnant.
I am also wondering if soy isoflavones will push my ovulation back. The RE told me that clomid pushes it back 90% of the time. If soy is supposed to do the same thing as clomid, than it is possible.
Well I am tracking twice a day not to miss it. I tried doing the basal temp thing. I was not consistent and couldn’t remember to take my temp before I went to the bathroom. I gave it the good old college try. I am keeping hope alive!!!