Today was not my day. I don’t know what I expected. I was walking into a doctor’s office with bad test to begin with. Well I had my ultrasound and found I have fibroid. Shocked the hell out of me. Well she informed me 70% of black women have them. On a good note they are very small. I guess I can’t say I don’t have female issues again.
The ultrasound was being performed and I couldn’t tell what the hell she was looking at. She was measuring my fibroid and looking at the general stuff in the uterus. Well she could see one tube very clearly. The other one not so much.
I am sitting in the chair in her office. I swear I wanted to break down and cry. I was holding it back. Still haven’t cried yet, been holding it back all day. She basically said, she is not sure if one of my tubes is open and works. If it does not all this might be a waste of time. If it is open she isn’t making any promises and would give me a 10% chance of IUI success with full medication. She said I should try about three times. Which could cost me a total of six thousand dollars.
She sees the benefit of IVF for me. Now I really want to cry. I do not have the money for IVF. Especially since my insurance doesn’t cover anything for fertility. I read all these blogs of women who have tried IVF several times. Some still come home with no baby. I know three people who did IVF and didn’t end up with a baby. All is a dead issues since I can’t afford IVF.
She advised I get a HSG test. The test I was avoiding due to the cost. Now I am all in because I feel my dreams slipping away. They actually fit me in for today. Thank god it wasn’t painful. I heard other women screamed in pain. She did give me four Advil and some prescription I picked up before the procedure. It was a little uncomfortable but nothing to serious.
I was trying to get the tech to tell me something. No damn luck on that one. I did get to see one picture. I had no idea what I was looking at. I know there is no guarantees. But I am so scared and depressed and gloom and doom right now. I need to work on getting my faith back. It is so low right now. I know god has done a lot of great things for me. Will he pull this through. Or am I one of the people who don’t get a baby. Which my aunt proceeded to tell me. Not all women get to have babies. Thanks auntie!!! I am in the not all women club for a lot of things. Then no baby is not a club I want to join. My single mother by choice friend is getting me straight. She had a five percent chance and got pregnant on the first try. We are all different and who knows life is stranger than fiction. I could be pregnant on the first try. I am going to pray for that. I am so bitter right now. I need to work on my mood and positivity if I want any type of success.