I am excited and nervous. I finally took out the calendar and counted. I am having symptoms of aunt flow paying me a visit. But shit those can be pregnancy symptoms also. I haven’t taken a test. I want to delay my stress and be accepting of what comes my way. If my period come I will just try again. This could be the month. I never discount I could have a probably success. I just can’t take another positive to get another negative. Losing these pregnancy early are really hurting my feelings. I would rather not know I had a positive at all.
I didn’t do much this weekend. With my back being out I gained all the damn weight I lost less one pound. Lucky me!!!. So I started working on my diet again. So far so good. No cream in my coffee this morning. I weighted and measured my breakfast and lunch. I even weight out my salad dressing. Shit when is the last time I did that. Yeah when my ass was skinny. I have to say I been in a happy mood lately. A little negativity over the weekend, but all is well. I am working on me. I wrote down what I was going to eat today. I also wrote two things I need to complete today.
I am feeling cramps. I am so praying aunt flow skips me this month. Let me have this dammit. Here is to dealing with life on life’s terms.
I started to think of my life in a different way today. Actually the thought process began yesterday. I am still a lonely depressed mess. I have a light at the end of the tunnel. A glimmer of hope. My life is good and I need to fix my perspective.
Yes I am still going to go talk to someone. I feel a little better today. I actually went to the gym yesterday. I haven’t been there in about six months. Then I took a long walk in the park today. It had a chance of rain and I didn’t care. I needed to be outside. I did have some drops hit my face. I had my new pedometer app going on my smart phone. I wanted to quite after the first lap. I sat in my car, ready to go home. I decided I wanted to burn 200 calories in total. Why do I always quite everything. I was pondering that as I sat in my car. I got out of the car and walked another lap. 187 calories. One accomplishment made me feel so much better.
I decided I am not going to put anymore crap in my body. Okay let me start with still not ready to give up the coffee. I am a work in progress. Everything I put in my body today has been totally healthy.
Started with egg whites and fruit for breakfast. A big salad with feta cheese(which I love) for lunch. Dinner hasn’t happened yet. I am very optimistic and need to keep this wave alive.
Next week is baby making week. Before I head out-of-town for a bridal shower. Which I have nothing to wear at the moment because nothing fits. I will find something to put together.
It is funny my mom said she is a size 16. This is the first time my mother and I are the same size. My mom was so much smaller than me during my teenage years. Then I lost 100 pounds and I was smaller than my mother for years. Not that she was big she was about a 12 and I was a 8-10. My mom is 5’11 and I am 6’0.
Now we are both size 16 which is interesting. We both are out of comfort zones. Having to find a dress for this upcoming wedding. I am going to look tomorrow with my old roommate. I appreciate her in a big way. I am my own worst critic. She told me I am being dramatic. Sometimes you need some compliments to get out of the dumps.