This two-week wait is so different from the others. I don’t have the paper to go to Quest Diagnostics. Waiting on pens and needles to hear a positive. Yes I have been looking online for the most sensitive pregnancy test. So I can test on my own.
I have come to my conclusion I need to be patient and just wait. I will buy a first response next week. Waiting with batted breath for a success story. My early signs that I might be, or just going crazy.
1) My eye is twitching I have no idea if this is a pregnancy sign. When I got the positive the last time my eye was doing the same thing.
2) Sleep- I took a two-hour nap on Saturday and still went to bed early.
3) Stomach- feeling upset with my morning coffee
4)Twinges- I am feeling these twinges is the only way to describe in my uterus area.
I know all this could be real or me being dramatic. I am praying for the double line. I purposely did not take any progesterone. I still have the prescription. I don’t want to be upset with progesterone symptoms. When I get the positive test I will take the them.
Keeping hope alive everyday.
I will be inseminating this week. I been testing and I swear my emotions have been all over the place. I did go on a three-mile walk yesterday. I pushed myself because my lazy ass was ready to die after the second time around the park. I was impressed with pushing through. Usually not like me. I found this song I am in love with. I usually do not listen to the radio, so I am not up on any of the latest music. Here is the music video.
I have to say I love old school music. When I grew up it wasn’t old. But now that my ass is old it is called old school.
Here is what I am use to listening to:
I didn’t do much this weekend. I did go to acupuncture I am trying every angle to make this IUI a success. She gave me a tea to drink before I inseminate. I need to cook it up tonight. She doesn’t do tea bags. She puts the dirt, leaves and bark in a brown paper bag. So more dirt tea for me. I have actually been getting use to the taste. I swear I never thought I would say that. Everything I have done this past 12 months is leading up to this week. Nervous is just part of my emotions. My Co-worker came to my office and said are you ready for this week. I said no thinking she was talking about work. She was referring to my IUI and I did show some excitement.
All this is some scare shit!! All of it. From going through the stress of the IUI working or not. Doing it all alone with no real emotional support. I was feeling lonely this weekend. I don’t have that feeling often. It did consume me a little. No one called all day Saturday. It is funny when you want someone to call the phone doesn’t ring. When you are in a great conversation the phone won’t stop.
I am going to start praying tonight. I need something to ground me. I feel all over the place.
I am going to start with I love my two roommate. I moved in with them. I was nervous at first. They turned into the sister I never had. They were concerned about me and made me feel welcome.
One of my roommate mother’s moved in. I was nervous about that to. Things happen initially and I thought I should move out. Then changed my mind.
Well recently I heard the mom talking about me to her friend on the phone. The things she said were not nice at all. The whooper is she thinks I am drug addict. I was very hurt and didn’t know how to react. I didn’t want any drama to hurt my roommate who is my friend.
I wanted to say something so bad. My mouth would have been crazy, I know because I was so mad. I know my best move it to leave. I don’t have any more words for the mom. I will be nice and say hello and goodbye. What hurts my feelings is I bent over backwards to be nice to this woman. If I could figure out what I did to her to make her dislike me. I would try to fix it. I don’t think I did anything. I think should doesn’t really need a reason to dislike me. She would have done it regardless. You can’t win them all.
Now I am looking for an apartment. I can afford it yes. It will clearly be more than my present living situation. I will have peace and can work on getting pregnant with no stress.
I am going to Promove tomorrow to get his list of suggested apartments. So Saturday and Sunday with my GPS and I will be looking at apartments. I hate change and this will be a big change once again. I know I need a short-term lease. I was thinking six months with the option for month to month later. If I am ready to get up and move to Boston, I want nothing holding me back.
I am thinking, I am not going to be to cheap with my living situation. I want to stay in the area. I also want a nice safe and comfortable place to live.
I hope I get pregnant quickly!!! Five more days until my consultation.
My size 12 are getting tight. I know the road this is taking me. I am not happy. Is it my fault. YES!! Still not happy about it.
I was talking to a friend from the very restrictive program I was in for six years. I still might go back to. Presently taking a break from.
Well we decided to help each other. We created our diet plan. I have gotten into snacking. I don’t think that is a bad thing. Per say!! Yes it is when we are talking chips and other junk food.
So our plan is pretty much the plan that got me to a small size 8. With a few exceptions. Such as fruit is used for snacks. Some fruits will not be added. Banana watermelon and a few others.
We will talk every night about the next day. The key we decided is honesty. I am excited she is not!!!. The funny thing is this all started from what I read last night. From the book Think like a thin person. It stated there are two types of thin people. The one who is naturally thin. Then the other that works at it. The one who works at it will restrict their diet if they eat too much at one meal or gain weight. People with weight problems complain about not being allowed to eat what they want.
I thought it was hilarious So did my friend. We are both complainers of not being thin and allowed to eat what we want. So when I told her about the book she busted out laughing. I knew she would. We are both in the same boat with it.
So we start on Saturday. I am going grocery shopping tomorrow to get ready. You know as always when I am ready to start again. I have to say my good bye’s to my food. I love ice cream milk shakes. I always get sugar-free ice cream. I am going to stop at Brewster s on the way home.
My roommate and I have been car pooling and I let her know that will be a stop. I have to say my good byes. I hope I don’t say good-bye and hello in the next week.
I guess it wasn’t that bad. I am still alive and nothing drastic happened. I didn’t get to go to the Fernbank!! I had to work late and asked for a rain check. He was nice about it. We rescheduled for next Friday. I hope it works out. He hasn’t called since which is not a good sign. We will see if it is meant to be. Then I had another date with a new prospect for Sunday which got cancelled. How I would love to find one man and stop all this damn dating.
Also my evening at the Cowboy bar was a pure waste of time. The last time I went must have been a random fluke that we all had fun. Most of my group was ready to leave after a while. One friend and I tried to make the best of it and mingle. It didn’t work well at all. The people didn’t seem as friendly as the last time. We even went to a bar close by. When we were walking out a guy suggested a bar. We were willing to try anything. To take advice from a young guy who was clearly drunk and told us he smoked weed. Now thinking about it we were desperate for some fun. We thought why not we are so far away from home as it is. The bar was dead by the time we got there.
The long drive home just made me wish I stayed in watching movies. Now it is Sunday night and I have work coming up quick. I had such high hopes for the weekend. It really sucks when there is a let down. I did buy a scratch ticket out there. My co-worker claims when you are in a random part of the state to buy a scratch ticket. I thought why not. I really have no interest to drive out that way again. When I scratch it maybe it will all have been worth it. I guess I will find out eventually, sense as you know I am not scratching it now.
I talked a to a friend also a possible single mother by choice. She stated she could be in a relationship forever and never live with the guy. That she has lived alone so long, she doesn’t see another person in her space. I have been living alone a long time also. I have to say most of the time I do like it. I don’t know if it is the only child in me. That I feel no obligation to clean when I don’t want to. I can watch what I want on T.V. When I don’t feel like talking or dealing with people I just don’t answer the phone. If I left something in the laundry I can run down half-naked to pick it up.
Would I like a man in my life yes. I say yes with such ease. I haven’t had a consistent man in my life in years. Even my last relationship was more like a long distance relationship. How would I feel about someone in my personal space on a regular space all the time. It would be a big adjustment.
I have been going to bed at 9pm. I put Mr. shitty paints in his crate and it is lights out. He is looking at me like I am crazy. I usually don’t go to bed until midnight. I have to say I don’t feel anymore rested in the morning. I still don’t want to get out of the bed like usual.
I am ready for the weekend. Even with this being a short week it seems like it is lasting forever. I was asked to possible work on Saturday. I wasn’t a happy camper. I wish I had a child and could say oh sorry no child care can’t help you. I swear single with no kids means you are open anytime.
It wasn’t even asked as a question. It was assumed it would be done. I made plans this weekend. I spent New Years in bed at 10:30pm. I have a date on Friday night. With a new guy I met online as usual. We had one conversation and we are supposed to meet at 9pm on Friday night. I wouldn’t have planed such a late date if I knew I had to be at work on Saturday morning. I hoping the work thing doesn’t happen.
My new friends I met at the meet up group are going back to the Cowboy club Saturday. They ladies room attendant told us to come back on a Saturday on a non holiday weekend. I am ready to get my line dancing on. I was planing to look for a new outfit on Saturday. A weekend of fun. I need it. Hopefully I can start 2012 off with a bang.
Image via Wikipedia
Reality is stranger than fiction. The NFL guy fizzled big time. He wasn’t interested in me. More in a possible single friend I might have that was more his type. Gee did I really need that information. I swear excitement in my life comes and goes so quickly. I told him I wasn’t a pimp.
Dating sucks so bad. It is making my ex look good. Not really, but damn if this is what is out there. I am so sick of this process it is ridiculous. All this to say I do have a date on Friday. I know right, I am insane. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
Well this guy asked me out several times. We haven’t met due to his last-minute requests to meet up. I told him I needed more time than that. Well he works as a bartender. I am going to meet him during his shift this Friday. We will see how that goes. I also signed up to go out with my meet up group on Saturday. I do believe getting out the house is the best thing for me these days.
Life beats on regardless of happiness or sadness. I am scratching my ticket this weekend. Some money would turn my frown upside down.
I will start with another bad date. Yes his teeth were a wreak. One of my biggest pet peeves. They don’t have to be perfect. The teeth have to at least be decent. Then he said I was slimmer in my pictures. I was ready to go. I am having no luck in the dating department.
I made the correct decision not to go to speed dating. No men showed up. I would have been beyond pissed if I went. Thank god I was not in the mood and bowed out. I do have a cookout to go to this weekend.
I did start the gym on Saturday and have been three times already. I am proud of myself. Hopefully I will keep it up. I am that lame chick who buys gym memberships and never goes. At least I was smart enough to get no contract this time. I love to people watch. The gym is usually a great place. In my early observation a lot of the men there look gay. I didn’t feel like going but I am glad I did.
Mr. shitty paints has been beyond clingy. He is use to spending more time with me. I have spoiled my dog with excessive time. I am lame and had no social schedule for about a year. Well that is about change. I am going to start having a life. That is the plan. Wish me luck.