TGIF!!!

I am so happy it is Friday. I been feeling like I haven’t been getting enough sleep. I am sleeping in tomorrow. My cousin is in town for the weekend. He stayed with me last night. He put together my desktop today. Not it isn’t hard but my lazy ass haven’t done it. I am going to acupuncture  Hopefully will attempt my taxes. Get some rest and enjoy life.

You will not believe I won another 60 bucks on my scratch tickets. I didn’t scratch all the ones I bought. You know my gambling self reinvested. This is fun and risky and stupid at the same time  I was in the store and a woman told me she won 10k not to long ago.

The one thing I can say about scratch off. You have just as much chance as anyone else. So Yes I have reinvested the money I have won. I am up to 460 bucks. But each time I have bought myself lunch. Kept 20 bucks out the deal. I haven’t contributed any additional money then what I won. Now I can’t say that when I usually purchase these things.

My co-worker told me I am on a winning streak and need to keep playing. I know he said that because he is just as addicted as I am. Granted I am not using bill money or savings to play. That is where I draw the line.

I met a new guy online. He seems interesting. Since I been online so long I don’t get caught up in it. I always keep hope alive. You truly never know. I am debating about taking soy is0flavones with my femara when I TTC. I haven’t decided yet. I am so trying to stack the deck. Acupuncture  DHEA, COQ10, Dirt Tea, Soy Is0flavones. I am doing everything I can!!!

Winning!!!

Official logo.

 

I thought it was so funny when Charlie Sheen was going downhill he kept saying he was winning. Not funny he was going downhill. The delusion that things were great. In this since I am winning. I won another 115 bucks on my scratch tickets. So we are close to 400 bucks in a week and a half. Granted I have reinvested most of it each time I win. It does put a smile on my face when I win.

 

Now mama wants to win the big money. 🙂

 

I am waiting for the social worker to contact me with my instruction for this first IUI. I am trying to stay positive and optimistic. I don’t take disappointment well. I guess I need to work on that. My optimism needs to not go down that road. I haven’t tried yet to get pregnant yet.

 

I was supposed to stop reading about IUI on the internet. It keeps making me depressed. So many stories of no success. I will have success!!! That what I need to keep telling myself.

 

In a way I wish I started with home insemination. Even thought I am not the do it yourself type. I am spending all this money in Georgia. When I found a place in Boston to do it a lot cheaper. To bad I am not in Boston. I sometimes regret not moving. It is cold there and I hate the cold. The job was too good to pass up.

 

Everything happens for a reason. There is a reason I am still in this state. I need to stay focussed on my goals.

 

Baby Project #5

Everyone is on board with my baby success. They are all praying for me and it fills my heart so many people want my happiness.

I am not religious more spiritual. I live in a very religious state. The bible belt. So my friend told me to confess today. I didn’t know what she meant. I asked for an explanation. You state it is going to happen. Say you are fertile, say you will have your babies and be their mother. I said I am down for anything. I am going to begin my confessing tonight. It is right in line with my positive thinking. I will have my twins. They will be healthy and I will be their mother.

So on a funny note doctor dude called. He asked me am I really going to do this. I said well your sperm didn’t make in the mail so I guess I have no choice. We both broke out laughing. He still wants me to come PA to visit. On one hand I want to go. On another hand I been watching too much ID DISCOVERY and hearing about catfish which me not the risk taker I use to be. I think he needs to come my way first. On my turf, where I fell comfortable. I told him it has been five years.

The funny thing is I am not pressed about doctor dude. I have had so many bad dates from online. I can not see myself being stuck in PA and this dude turns out to be a dud.  Plus I have a game plan. He isn’t included at the moment. He also needs to make more of an effort to be included.

Confessing and positive thinking and optimism are the new things in my life. I won another hundred bucks on scratch tickets  I was shocked. First I won 100 then reinvested of course. Won 80 reinvested of  course. Then another 100. Will be reinvested today. I haven’t finished scratching all the tickets I bought from the initial 100. So who knows. I am on a winning streak. My meal ticket might be a scratch away.

The fantasy will get me through work today with a smile.

 

I am ready to go!!

User:Grunt's insane stamp.

 

My direct boss went to work for our sister company. My boss, boss gave her notice. I think the writing is on the wall. I am ready to give my notice also. Well give my notice in my head. My date to give my notice in reality is the second week of January to move in February. I wish it could be tomorrow.

 

I told my boss, boss that I am not taking on crazy responsibility and I am not sleeping at this job. If they let me go they do. I will go to Boston with an unemployment check. Which would actually be great for me. I severely doubt that is going to happen. They actually value me here. At-least they have in the past. With new management coming in it is anyone guess how things are going to go. I just want everything to go in my favor. Wouldn’t that be nice!!!

 

I did win on a scratch ticket. I haven’t found out how much. So I can fantasy all day about my next step if I have won. As I stated many times before my fantasy life is so much better than my reality. I want it to be the reverse. Then life would get very interesting.

 

Now for the real news. X boyfriend that I wished dead contacted me. Yes I talked to him. It was a decent conversation. First text then ended in verbal. How about he started talking about marriage. Yes, can you believe that. Okay let me clear this up. I made a joke about marriage and he alluded to us talking about getting married. Shocked is what I was. You know I love this man. I have to, to put up with all his shit all these years. Should we get married. When I think of all the shit I put up with I would say hell no. What my mind tells me and my heart tells me is something totally different. Am I ready to say yes to this. absolutely not!! It might be his last-ditch attempt to keep me. He knows I am out of the state in four months. He knows I am going home to get pregnant. Which was actually his job not to long ago.

 

I have no idea what to do. I did tell him, I would have to hear something really extra special for me to change my plans. Shit that still might not be enough. I am sick of being disappointed by this man. Can I say what well happen at this point. NO!!! Life is stranger than fiction. My life is not different.

 

You couldn’t have convince me five years ago, I would be buying sperm online and living with my mother again.  We will see!! Presently nothing has changed but the man I have had known for 12 years creating controversy. God HELP ME!!

 

Not to mention every time I see another wedding or baby on Facebook I want to delete my profile. I guess I also have issues. But what else is NEW!!!

 

I am smiling!

Boston - Back Bay: Boylston Street (Aerial)

Boston – Back Bay: Boylston Street (Aerial) (Photo credit: wallyg)

I am in a good place. I finally feel like good things are coming my way. I now have three people interested in purchasing my house. Which sucks for me in the sence that I bought a house that isn’t worth shit.

It does relieve me from this house and I can get to the rest of my life. Now with these three offers the bank is taking it time getting back to t my realtor. If it isn’t one thing it is another. I know it will work out. I am not ready to pack but ready to move. I know that doesn’t make much sence.

On a brighter note I have been the bell of the ball on the dating website. I had my neighbor look at my profile and give me suggestions. Well they worked. I took his suggestions, and now I am getting a lot of message each day. Granted I have put the location as Boston. It is nice to get message asking when will you be in town? Even thought that is literally months away.

Who knows if some money comes into my life it will be a lot sooner. I do have a winning scratch ticket. In my usual fashion I have no idea how much I won. Here is to keeping hope alive.

My day in court!

Today I go to traffic court. I am hoping and praying I can get this moving violation taken care of. I know it is a long shot with all these counties broke. One of their income streams is tickets. So will my day in court be fruitful or a waste of time. Not sure!! I am hoping for the best.

Sometimes if you go to court they let you pay the fine and don’t give you any points on your record. I don’t feel like paying for a ticket. That is life. A series of doing things you don’t want to do!!

I am in the waiting period where my house is concerned. They haven’t contacted me and said they need any additional paperwork. Which seems great I guess. All this is so uncomfortable to me.  Which is a part of life also. I guess I need to grow the hell up. Who ever said life is easy Lied!!

Two more scratch tickets won. Don’t know how much. I might be scratching them when I get home depending on how court turns out.

600+ Million dollars!!

Mega Millions logo

Mega Millions logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The lottery is going crazy. I have to say I thought I would be worse. I bought two tickets and I am in the lottery pool at work. I have not had the urge to buy a whole bunch of tickets. I guess I know the statistics of me winning is so damn week.

I did win on one of my scratch tickets. I haven’t looked at what I won yet. It is funny a co-worker 15-year-old son told her she had better odds with scratch tickets. From the mouth of babes. He is totally right in my opinion.

I am so damn happy it is Friday!!! I can’t wait to get off work. I don’t know why I am in a rush. I have a class that starts at 8am Saturday morning. It is a get my life together type of class. So I am going to be there with bells on.

Mr Shitty paints and I will have to hit the bed early for a Friday night!! I keep thinking about Massachusetts. How my life will change and what will happen when I get there.

When I make a choice to do something I want it now. I don’t have an ounce of patients!! I keep reading about women having fertility issues. Women who are younger than I am. I need to stop filling my head with negativity. I haven’t even started the process yet!!

When I get out of my house I am starting acupuncture again for sure!!

I don’t need another problem!

A Christmas themed Finnish scratch game "...

I am convinced I have a gambling problem. I am not at the point of gambling away my light bill money. I however love scratch tickets. My grandmother and father bought scratch tickets all the time. My father claims he is going to quit. I doubt it!!

Now I think I have the same problem. I know I would be board at a casino. The package store with my five and ten dollars I am hooked. I sit there and look at each ticket thinking about if I won. I think it might be a problem.

It is bad enough I have an eating problem and no husband or boyfriend problem. An upside down loan on my house problem. A no children problem. Do I need a gambling problem. Hell no I don’t.

When I am about to buy I think life is stranger than fiction. I could win and jump-start all my plans. I started the gambling because I wanted a baby and I thought only luck would get me there. Now that I have an actual plan that has nothing to do with a scratch ticket you would think I quit. Not so much. I had to get my fix today.

I am also the strangest lottery player. I am not going to scratch them until I get out of this house. I don’t need anything messing up my process of being free of this property.

So when I finally get out of this house a good two or three months from now. I hope!! Then I will have a pile of scratch tickets to go through and see if I was one of the lucky ones.

I have issues. I know everyone has issues!! It is just hard to face them when they are you own!!

Good Wishes and Luck

One hundred dollar bill, series 1914

My co-worker and I are convinced we will not when the lottery at one of the big commercial gas station. When you look at the winners online they are always the little random places.

Today I went and bought one of the new scratch tickets on the market. I was sucked in by the commercial I saw this morning. I go to the same gas station up the street from my job.

On this particular day I asked the cashier who I think owns the place his name. He said Woot I think. He asked me why did I ask his name. I said I am in here all the time and you are so nice. He then asked me my name. I told him when I win you won’t see me anymore. We both laughed. He said now that you asked me my name you will probably win and I won’t see you!!

Now we both were laughing hard. I told him I will give the gas station a call and let him know why I am not coming back!!!

Woot might have put into existence my financial freedom. I will keep you posted!!

Not as Planned!

I didn’t go to the Fernbank museum. He did contact me via text message to ask if we could meet. It ended up being at irish bar that a band he liked was performing. I was a little upset. My Fernbank dreams down the drain. Now I have to settle with a regular date at a bar. Oh yeah did I mention I was the one who had to do the driving this time. Oh joy for me. I accepted it, since I rain checked on him last week.

The date was ok. We talked for three hours. He is an ultra intellectual. I could see he analyses everything. I also felt he was a major liberal. I don’t have a problem with anyone political beliefs. Certain things he said bothered me. He has what I would call white guilt. He said should I apologize for being white. He sounded like he wanted to hand out apologize for all things white man has done wrong. I thought oh lawd really!! I said well what did you do exactly that you have to apologize for? Meaning him personal not the white man. After those comments I lost interest big time. I personally make no apologizes for my race.  I can’t be blamed for everything done wrong. The conversation went downhill after that. He did give me some good thoughts about my blogging. Granted I didn’t tell him about this blog. I told him about the blog I don’t care who reads it.

Today is looking up big time. I went to the gas station to buy the job lottery tickets for the pool. Also to buy my personal lottery tickets and scratch tickets. Friday was payday so my usually activities. This cute guy was in there. He brought his tickets and were scratching them at the counter. I smiled and did my transaction and left. While I was driving away I was staring at him. He said something to me. I was almost out of the gas station.  I rolled down the window and backed up. He started flirting and I started smiling.

He asked me if I was single. We chit chatted and exchanged numbers. I asked him if he has any children. He said “two”. I told him I didn’t have any but will one day. He said” I make cute babies”. Now I am really smiling!!!.

I haven’t been flirted with in a random public place in so long. It made my day, week, and year so far. The little things can mean so much. We will see what happens!! Things might be looking up for 2012!!