My computer cost 300 bucks to fixed. The motherboard was fried. The answer to that is hell no. The desktop was five years old and I believe I only spent $500 dollars on it. So I headed to Micro-center to get a new computer. The sales person told me they have a 12 month no interest credit card. I thought I hit the jackpot because I was going to charge it. I was planning to purchased all my electronic needs with my new credit card.
I got denied. I sat there and looked at the boy conveying the news that my credit was shit. I feel bad for him because I went off. I have never been denied credit in my life. Even with my short sale I still have A credit. Which lowered from my A+ credit. I was about to walk away in shame and then said wait you didn’t call me. He said what do you mean. I have fraud alert on my credit. So no one can steal my identity. I am supposed to get a phone call when anyone opens credit on this account. Then the manager got involved. We called Wells Fargo and they asked me a few question on my credit report and I was approved for 2,200 bucks. I knew that denial was bullshit.
After that was cleared up I bought a desktop and all in one printer , and a camera. I had to carry all that up three flights of stairs with my old desktop. It took a minute but got done. Then I moved a box in my house. I heard my back pop and I was done. My back was jacked up. My cousin came to get my old printer. Never get anything Brother it was piece of shit. Drove me crazy to set up. Every time the lights went out because of a storm or something, I had to set it up again. I was happy to get rid of it. She brought me a heating pad. I woke up the next morning and couldn’t get out of bed. I did make it to the bathroom eventually.
I been out of work for two and a half days. I did get some muscle relaxers from the doctor, with some high-powered ibuprofen. I went to work. I am walking like a 80-year-old woman. I got sick of laying in the bed all day. I haven’t even played with my new computer. Which is so unlike me. I also was supposed to have another insemination on Monday. There was no way I could sit in the car for 45 min to an hour. To get to his house. My back couldn’t take it. I rain checked. It is still possible I am pregnant. I did inseminate when I got the smiley face. Monday was two days later just to cover all bases. We will see what happens.
I forgot to mention, I lost 11 pounds. How the hell that happened I don’t know. I was reading this book about a dieting that my mom sent. I was going to begin the next day. The scale hasn’t been my friend in a long time. So I have kept it hidden and not gotten on it. Well I busted it out prison on Sunday morning, got on it. I lost 11 pounds. I thought to myself WTF. I am happy and confused. But going to keep it going more consciously then subconsciously like I have. Hears to more weight loss.
My direct boss went to work for our sister company. My boss, boss gave her notice. I think the writing is on the wall. I am ready to give my notice also. Well give my notice in my head. My date to give my notice in reality is the second week of January to move in February. I wish it could be tomorrow.
I told my boss, boss that I am not taking on crazy responsibility and I am not sleeping at this job. If they let me go they do. I will go to Boston with an unemployment check. Which would actually be great for me. I severely doubt that is going to happen. They actually value me here. At-least they have in the past. With new management coming in it is anyone guess how things are going to go. I just want everything to go in my favor. Wouldn’t that be nice!!!
I did win on a scratch ticket. I haven’t found out how much. So I can fantasy all day about my next step if I have won. As I stated many times before my fantasy life is so much better than my reality. I want it to be the reverse. Then life would get very interesting.
Now for the real news. X boyfriend that I wished dead contacted me. Yes I talked to him. It was a decent conversation. First text then ended in verbal. How about he started talking about marriage. Yes, can you believe that. Okay let me clear this up. I made a joke about marriage and he alluded to us talking about getting married. Shocked is what I was. You know I love this man. I have to, to put up with all his shit all these years. Should we get married. When I think of all the shit I put up with I would say hell no. What my mind tells me and my heart tells me is something totally different. Am I ready to say yes to this. absolutely not!! It might be his last-ditch attempt to keep me. He knows I am out of the state in four months. He knows I am going home to get pregnant. Which was actually his job not to long ago.
I have no idea what to do. I did tell him, I would have to hear something really extra special for me to change my plans. Shit that still might not be enough. I am sick of being disappointed by this man. Can I say what well happen at this point. NO!!! Life is stranger than fiction. My life is not different.
You couldn’t have convince me five years ago, I would be buying sperm online and living with my mother again. We will see!! Presently nothing has changed but the man I have had known for 12 years creating controversy. God HELP ME!!
Not to mention every time I see another wedding or baby on Facebook I want to delete my profile. I guess I also have issues. But what else is NEW!!!
At about five am Mr. Shitty paints started rolling around my bed. I was a sleep and had no idea what was going on. In my half-dazed mind I thought he was having a seizure. He stopped for a min and I dozed then he started up again. Before I fully woke up he rolled on the floor with a load bang. I jumped up immediately looking for the light. He looked scared. Then I thought he would get back in the bed. I got back in bed hoping to get a few more minutes. He didn’t jump back up on the bed. I got worried turned on the light. He was pooping on my floor. This is unusual. Not him pooping in the house. He has never done it in my room. Then he stated heaving.
I tried to pick him up. Every time we get in one of these situations and I try to pick him up he runs. So he ran down stairs. I followed to find him throwing up in my living room. I yelled get in your crate to centralize the mess. He runs to his crate and continues to throwing up. I go upstairs to find he also pee in my room.
My doggie is sick. None of this is like him at all. So I cleaned up the mess and thought about giving him some pepto. About twenty minutes later he seemed fine. We will see how he is when I get home. When I left he was like normal.
I think he had a nightmare. I was very nervous like what the hell is wrong with this dog. I am glad he is alright and hope to come home to a happy puppy. I think he had a night mare when he fell on the floor. He has never accidentally fell on the floor. So all I can think is he was asleep having a nightmare.
I am not sure what his nightmare would be about. He has a great life. Eat, shit and sleep and be happy. Ignore mommies yelling and give her the cute puppy face so she gives in. It can’t be that hard in his world.
I had a meeting to go to this morning. Even thought I was feeling better, I didn’t want to give them my germs. I have to say all I wanted to do was sleep on the couch. Mr. Shitty paints was let out of jail (his crate) and proceeded to leave me another turd to find. He is back to his incarceration during the evenings. My head still hurts. I am still coughing and in need of food in the fridge. My resentment begins of not having someone in my life who could take my list and go to the store. Nothing I can do about that at the moment.
Trying to eat healthy can have it’s issues. Everything in my refrigerator is so perishable. After a week all my food fruits and veggies need to be replaced. It makes buying anything in bulk a big waste. I will have to say my clothes are getting bigger. I can’t wait to weight myself tomorrow. Yes I only weight myself once a month. The program I follow advises it so you are not obsessed with the scale. I know the scale will go down the question is how much. I am trying not to be obsesses. Which is hard with my personality.
I have put myself out there to people and I am feeling a way about it. I tend to wonder would these people do the same for me. I know that should not be the reason why I do anything. I don’t expect anything in return. I don’t know why it is bothering me. God knows my heart. I try to help people when I can. I just have a history of not getting much back for my efforts.
In typing that I am really wrong. I had friends take me and my dog in for a week when my AC was out during the summer. It is usually unexpected who will help you when needed. I still am that person who always had a hard time asking for help.
My family over the years have let me down countless times. I still love them, but it makes me less trusting of others to help. I always felt I was on my own. I know if I had a child my mom and dad would be all over that child. I think they would be great grandparents. Which is funny because I didn’t think they were the greatest parents. Which is a very long story. I know they love me and did the best they could do. It took me a long time to accept that.
When will the resentment of not having my happy family go away. I swear I expected to have a husband and children by now. I know I need to bury those thoughts. Put the finally nail in the coffin of fantasy. It still bothers me and I have to admit it.