Counterfit Ink!!

I needed ink for my printer. I purchased this wireless printer which I love. I bought the black ink from Micro-center. Which wasn’t cheap. I decided to hit eBay and find ink at a cheaper price. I looked at the description it said new. I guess I was naive. With the move and everything else going on, I just replaced the ink. I was shocked when the printer shot me an error Counterfeit ink. WTF!!! really. Granted the boxes did not have the company name on it. I thought it was new until I opened it.

Of course I figured a way around the error message. It took me a good half an hour. I was not going to wast the 50 bucks I spent on all the counterfeit ink. That was made in China. I bought the damn printer I should be able to put what ever ink I want to in the damn thing. It also had some error about refilled ink. Just like corporate America don’t want you to be frugal.  Sometimes buying the ink is more than the printers. I needed to print something, so I didn’t rest until I figured out a way to say screw you error message.

Ava room still has a bunch of crap in it. In my defense she is a handful when she is awake. Also I sleep when she sleeps. I should get over that now since she sleeps all night now. I am addicted to naps. There is a window pain that is out of one of her windows. She will not be in that room until she is at least six months old. She is almost 3 months. I have no idea where the time goes. I want to buy her a dresser of her own. Her stuff is all over the place also. My unemployment still has not kicked in. I have no idea what is taking so damn long. No point in complaining, they seem to move slower when you do that. I called when they said they would have a decision. Then I was informed it will be sometime this week. What is the decision, my place of employment said they will not reject unemployment. What more do you have to do.

My food was great today. I am 238 pounds. My goal is 160, then it will be on and popin. Did I mention my High School crush kind of asked me on a date on Facebook. Well I am not going to give an answer until I can fit in my cute clothes. 80 pounds are not going to fall off in a week.

I really need to set a schedule of what I am going to do with my days. So I don’t look back and think all I did was waist me time while I was home.

Not so fast!!

I received a letter in the mail. Stating how much I will get from unemployment. I thought that meant I was approved. No such luck. They only gave me 15 weeks which I didn’t totally understand. I have worked there for six years. I thought I would get more weeks than that. Since I didn’t think I was going to get it at all. I wasn’t going to complain about that. I called them today, when I was in the office applying I gave them the wrong routing number to my checking account. I had my account number and called my aunt for the routing number she had because I didn’t have any checks on me. I didn’t want to wait for money in the mail. Something made me check and it was wrong. The same bank with a bunch of different routing numbers.

I thought I messed up my first check. No such luck. She said they haven’t approved me yet. I am thinking WTF. They will be making a decision on my case on August 1st. Which is Friday. I don’t see a reason it will be denied. I am grateful that I can receive the benefits. My aunt said why rush back to work. First I don’t know how long it will take me to get a job. I would rather not deplete my savings. I am not going to wait until the last-minute to look for a job. I agreed to wait until sometime in September. So they can do the renovations on the house. Then I am ready to get my life started. Making real money so I can do the things I want to do. Also save for a vacation. I haven’t been on a vacation in so long I barely know what the word means. I am going to enjoy my next two months off. But after that it is a mission to find the job for me.

I am presently 236 pounds. I am hoping with exercise and managing my food I can get that close to 200 pounds. I am going through Ava room as fast as I can with all my crap. My mother has been very reasonable about where I want to put things and set them up. Also when I get a job I am going to do things for my mom. She doesn’t know it yet, but she will have a higher quality of living. I am going to buy her all the things she can’t afford on a fixed income.

My first order of business is to be debt free. If I get a decent enough job I can hopefully put 1000 a month on my debt. Which will have me on the road to freedom sooner than later. I am so pissed that my feet got bigger. When I get the unemployment checks coming, I am going to buy a big screen for the living room. A dresser and guilder for Ava room. My father is buying the crib. Also I need a new bed frame. Mine is taking up to much of the room, making it hard to get around it. Once I know money is coming in I will feel less restricted. Things are really going my way. I need to stay positive.

I also have a man interested in me. We met online three years ago, when I thought I was moving home. He thought I was a big fat liar since I didn’t make it until now. He didn’t skip a beat once I admitted I had a baby. Maybe he will be the father of my second. LOL!!! He has two kids himself. Keeping hope alive!!

Day 3 Off GOOD EATS

I have made it through lunch of day three. I haven’t eaten any crap. I am so proud of myself. I couldn’t make it one day before. When I took that day off and decided to join the land of the living again. I swear I got a wave in my mind. It said stop the bullshit and get off your ass and just do it. I know it sounds crazy. The moment I picked myself out of that bed.  I had to have been for about 16 hours. I made the choice to stop the crap. I am making my own destiny. Presently it was wasting away. I don’t know if this new awakening will last. But dammit it is here today and I appreciate it. I even ran on my home treadmill. Yeah that piece of exercise equipment that has barely been used. My ex would come over and ask how many miles have you put on it. He knew my ass never got on that thing.

He always wanted to let me know when I wasted money. Yes one of his pain in the ass quirks. I wanted to tell him if he wasn’t giving me any money. Stop counting my F-in money.

So today I didn’t get what I needed to at work. You come in to work with a plan. I had it written down. I was going to be so productive. I was going to blow my own mind. Well one of my employees had an appointment. I had to cover one of his morning tasks. No problem a few minutes. An  hour later I am thinking WTF. The day I do this it isn’t working. There goes my plan. I figured it out and another department has to make a correction. I got back on task. Now almost the end of day and all I wanted accomplished is lacking being crossed off on my list. Oh well!! You make plans god laughs. I know my place of employment got there money’s worth out of me today.

So I decided to do the Soy 3-7 and give those days another chance. I am also going to take the Mucinex. They say you take it two to three times a day five days before you ovulate to get the cervical mucus correct to get the sperm to the egg. Hey I am down for anything at this point. It is on my shopping list for tomorrow after I get off work.  They say drink a lot of water while taking this stuff. So I made a mental note of that. Also there is no harm if you take it to long. So since I don’t have my ovulation down to a science at this point. I am going to start my anticipated five days before my ovulation. I am also going to get on my knees and start praying.

 

Interracial Donor Children (article from SMC Newsletter)

Explaining the minority experience is not easy when you aren’t a minority. I am a minority. My experience is directly attributed to the racial climate I grew up with, my family and education. How do I explain to my child why their donor is white? The age­ old saying is, “if you have an ounce of black in you, you are black.” Interracial children can definitely have identity issues.

What if you look white and can be mistaken for white? This is not a new issue. It was very well depicted in the 1959 movie, “The Imitation of Life.” The black maid’s daughter looked white and was suffering with identity issues. She wanted to be white, because she saw that white people‘s lives were better than blacks. If she separated herself from her mother, no one would know she was black. It was a very sad story.

This issue has been the topic amongst several of my minority single mothers by choice friends. Most of these women never thought they would ever have to make the choice to be a single mother. It was a long hard process for me to accept this option. I had to mourn the dream of having a marriage before the baby carriage.

Once I dealt with all the emotions and the choice made, one of the next steps was picking a sperm donor. There is a small percentage of minority sperm donors compared to the percentage of white donors — not a small percentage of any particular minority, but of all minorities in general. To me personally this is not a big issue as I had two interracial grandparents. My family will be more accepting of the race of the child then how the child was conceived.

I had a conversation about this when I was talking to other minority single mothers by choice and how they picked their donors. A Latina SMC mom was happy to get her hands on Latino sperm. Another African American woman was trying to hold on to her African American sperm because her donor was no longer donating. A friend and I went through many sperm banks trying to find her more African American open ID sperm.

The best explanation I’ve heard about this issue came from a woman in the movie “Plan B.” She was Caucasian and picked Caucasian sperm. She thought the child already didn’t have a father, and was conceived with donor sperm, and she didn’t want to give the child another issue to have to deal with.

I remember watching a discussion of this on “Donahue” years ago, which was one of the first talk shows to openly discuss it. There were black women on the panel that had children with white men. Their children looked white. One of the women talked about when her baby was in the hospital nursery, and she asked the nurse to bring her child to her, the nurse told her no black babies were born that day. Another woman told about a time when she was in the park with her children, and a woman came up to her and asked her about her nanny services.

This whole SMC process is a series of hard choices. It is a reality that this is one of them for minority SMCs.

I tried, I am trying

I joined the Single Mother by choice website. I paid my membership.  I know I am supposed to be taking a break from baby thoughts. An old co-worker brought her baby to work. She was so precious. The feelings keep coming up. What can I say I have the baby bug. I am not obsessing. I just want to read the forum information. Which is actually how everything starts with me. INNOCENTLY!!

I have no plans this weekend. I have eaten correctly all week. Thirty pounds be gone!! I know it is going to take more than a week. It is a start. I need to start exercising again. I swear laziness comes so easy to me.

I have a friend who is not lazy at all. You could eat off her floors every day of the week. I am not sure if we are still friends actually. We had an argument and I hung up on her. I feel bad, but I am also envious of her. She has things I want a husband and a child. Sometimes I don’t feel she appreciates her blessing. Which is actually none of my business. It drives me crazy because I want those things so bad. They are so beyond my reach and it pisses me off.

We have went through periods of not talking over the years. Maybe this is the break we need from each other. Who knows? I need to focus on my issues.  One being, looking in her damn closet. It is easy to say the grass is greener in her life. The truth is I have no idea if it is. 

I am going to put some miracle grow on my grass. Give it some sun and water and see it in a different way.