Graduating EI

The end of the Early intervention. All her therapist came to my house when I was at work of course. I bought a cake for everyone. Which said Ava graduation. No one took a picture for me. When I talked to my mom they already ate it.

When I called them I thought they would have my baby talking in no time. Little did I know when I called them I would be going down the rabbit hole of diagnosis, therapist, Autism, ABA, advocacy, and stress. My life has taken a turned I can’t say I was prepared for. I gained 50 pounds eating out of stress and worry for my baby future.

Even though she has made massive improvements. She still has not spoken a word. Which is the reason I called them in the first place?  Advocacy for my child is my number one priority. EI told me they have parents that tell them not to come back when they suggest they get a diagnosis of autism. I pray for those babies that someone will help them.

I took her diagnosis very personal. What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? What did I not pay attention to? Ill prepared for any of this. I had many nights crying in my pillow. Until I met other autism parents, I realized I am not a freak. A lot of these mothers are crying and eating the pain away.  With the crying and eating they still get up and take care of their kids and advocate for their success. The tears of the mother are the prayers to god to spare their baby from any struggles or pain.  Life is not paved in gold for anyone. We all have problems and things we have to deal with. I wouldn’t advise anyone to gain 50 pounds. If those 50 pounds keeps from a complete breakdown then eat dammit. I am sorry food got me through. I am working on getting it off now. But I am glad I ate than drank.  Thank god for that!!!

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Choice Mom

This all started with a 39 year old friend that desires to have children. She enlisted me to do the research IUI Artificial insemination. This was a topic I knew absolutely nothing about. I always wanted children. I desire more than one, being that I am an only child. I always wanted a sibling. I had the fairytale in mind. I would have a husband, house, and three children. Well I have the house that is all I have in my fairytale.

My friend who are married are not making marriage look appealing. My fairytale never included conflict and divorce. With this IUI investigation I finally connected the dots that my desire for children does not have to be banished by my single status.

I know plenty of single mothers. Granted they did not choose to be a single parent. The choice was made for them as a reality of life. I told a friend of my thoughts and desire for a child. Her first response was all the financial expenses with a child.  I had to agree. Even though I make a decent salary, I still feel I have a hard time supporting myself. Daycare, Diaper and Milk in my monthly budget as it is would not be possible. Also my profession and it time constraints are an issue. I cannot leave a child in daycare for 12 hours a day. Also living so far from family doesn’t help with single motherhood.

My mom would love for me to come home. I mentioned my thoughts of having a baby by myself. I was waiting for her to tell me to be patient and I would be married.  I was shocked she was cool with the idea. She wants grandchildren in the worst way. I am the only one who can make that happen for her.

Others issues makes the idea of coming home difficult. The housing market makes it impossible to unload this house I bought eight years ago. The only way to get out from under it would be foreclosure. Not a present worry since I’m still employed. It ties my hands for leaving the south.  I could always rent it. That comes with its own set of issues. I have a lot to think about. All these cons do not take away my desire for children. I am 35 and counting. I don’t have many years to come up with a plan.