Now I am sick !!

20140926_092423My mother was sick, The baby is getting over being sick. I guess it is my turn. I just want to sleep. A five month old that isn’t entirely possible.  I know people are against kids and electronics, but it has turned into a single mother best friend. I have her watching infant stimulation, leap-frog learning videos. It keeps her attention for about ten minutes. I have toys for her but she isn’t old enough to play by herself. When I need to wash dishes or anything else I try my best to entertain her.

I started looking for a job yesterday. My mother and aunt asked me what was the hurry. The hurry is I haven’t won the lottery yet, or independently wealthy. So I am need to make money. Plus I am apply for the jobs I am truly interested in. There were a few jobs for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I am actually going for a lower level job. I don’t want a management job. I am not looking for the stress of management. I don’t want a bunch of overtime. I want to do my job the best I can and take my butt home. I don’t want any crazy job stress. I have enough stress in my life. I also have my plan if I win the lottery life. As I always stated my fantasy life is ten times greater than my reality. I guess that use to be true. Now thinking about it my baby Ava trumps my fantasies. It still would be nice to win the lottery!!!

It is starting to get cold in here. People do not turn on the heat early. I have my electric blanket on high. I hate being to cold or to hot. I haven’t had to much of a social life. Which to be honest since I have been on this baby journey for about three years. I haven’t had much of a social life. When I first moved to Atlanta I was party central. I know that was so long ago. I don’t want to be party central, but I still want to look good. Not like I gave up on life and interacting. I miss having a man interested in me. I have talked to my ex. We talked for a few days and I haven’t heard from him since. I know having a baby and leaving the state has finally put a nail in the restoration of our relationship. Which is actually a great thing. Even thought I wasted to many years with that on and off again relationship. I am glad I got my baby and not waited for him to marry my ass. I would have been dead and buried before that happened.

LIMBO

English: Limbo, near Honeygeo

I don’t know what my future holds. They haven’t said anything else about the promotion as of yet. So that is on hold. Which puts baby making on hold. I been tracking my ovulation over the past few months. I should have gotten the double line today. I did not. I don’t need any more problems. I am hoping the double line shows up tomorrow.

I received a Christmas gift from my mom. It was nice to have a box to open. I guess I could have waited but I didn’t. So sweet of her. We are not really a Holiday family. Everyone asks why I don’t go home for the Holidays. First off it is cold. Second my mother has never been big on the Holidays.

I need to bring my ass home. I haven’t been home in almost two years. That was for a funereal.  I wasn’t in a rush to visit because I thought I would be living there permanently in a few months. If this promotion comes through and I take it I will have to plan a visit home.

I picked my top three choices of sperm donors. I saw on a website where a woman had a donor party. She posted the top three choices and let people put them in the order they would choose. I thought that was cute and emailed my friends and family the profile information to see what order they would pick. It went pretty well until one friend told me she wouldn’t use two of them at all. Which is fine I didn’t mind her opinion. But it sounded like she expected me to drop them from my choices based on her opinion. Ahh NO!! I know more about these men than any man I have ever slept with. One friend made me laugh. She said damn I wish he could be the father of my child.

I made my choices I was sharing. I guess I could have kept it to myself. Other than that one person I enjoyed what others had to say.

I choose based on intelligence, weight, essay, eye color. I was content with my choices. One of my donors doesn’t even have a picture. Some think that is strange but to me it wasn’t a big deal. Does a baby picture really tell you what they are going to look like as adults.

I have seen very cute kids turn into not so attractive adults. So it wasn’t a major thing for me.

I started online dating again. Well I guess I never stopped. I just put the location back to Georgia. I got a lot of emails. Seems like I am fresh meat LOL!! I am not looking for a relationship. Male company would be nice. I have my plans and I am moving forward. No interruptions !! It is all stemming on this job. If that doesn’t work out back to plan A and I am leaving the south for good.

A little over two weeks!

My life will be doing a complete change. I will soon be a roommate then moving back with moms. All this time of being on my own. I have to say I will be enjoying the roommate rent scale. I can’t beat that at all. I have a house of boxes. My back hurts again. Perfect timing right!!

I wish it was already done. Now I have to walk through the steps of freedom from this property. I thought I was terminally stuck. Now I know everything happens for a reason and god makes a way.

Everything is going according to plan. Actually faster than planned. My realtor did say it could take months on months. It took about two months. It would have been faster if they didn’t reject me the first time. Once closing is done and my stuff is moved. I am free, totally free!!!

I might be getting a little carried away. I still have bills and other responsibilities. But those things can travel with me. I don’t have to deal with any issues concerning a house. Which is a major form of freedom to me.

In my usual fashion I still buy scratch tickets. If I happen to hit I will definitely be leaving GA a lot sooner than expect. Hit!! Please Hit!! I am so ready to get this party started!!

Dating slump!

Dr. Slump

Dr. Slump (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I haven’t been on a date since I broke up with asshole. Yes that is his new name. He contacts me randomly which pisses me off. I told him this last time I don’t want to keep in contact with him. We will see if he call again. Knowing him he will. Then doctor dude disappeared.

I have to admit I haven’t really persuade a date. I have mixed feelings about meeting anyone in GA. I don’t want anything to spark feelings when I am trying to move 18 hours away driving. Then I have my personal ads changed to MA. I get a lot of message saying contact me when you get here. I do understand why they don’t want to be bothered with a non-resident.

It puts me in limbo. I haven’t flirted with anyone in a long time. I miss flirting!!! I miss the human touch also. That is an entirely different problem.

I am ready to go. I don’t have my duck in a row at all. The short sale paper work hasn’t even been approved yet. I am in the beginning stages of this process and it really sucks.

I also have been Facebook stalking a few people. I know I should be ashamed. My noiseness got the best of me. These are people I don’t even know that well. One person I was waiting for her wedding pictures. I have to say I loved her dress. I am not even into weddings.

Who is this person?. I am starting not to recognize myself. I have never been into wedding or stalking people on Facebook. I barely go on Facebook.  Something is going on with me and I want it to stop. I want the old me back!! Where is she???

I was talking to a SMC friend and we decided full steam  ahead with baby plans. No man has shown up to change the plans for her. I am in the same boat.  I would have to say I have been living a very singleton life. The dog and I hang out most of the time.

On a good note my back is starting to feel better. Not totally 100%, but at least I can get out of chair and not scream.

Not Excited

I haven’t been excited about anything in a long time. Even thinking about Doctor Dude doesn’t bring me fake excitement. My life is become so humdrum. I think my dog is even bored with the routine. He tries to get us to walk different ways in the evening. He probably thinks his mommy is so predictable.

My life has become very predictable. It is kind of pathetic. When I first moved here I was a mover and a shaker. I was going out having fun. Those things don’t excite me anymore.

Meeting new men doesn’t excite me anymore. My disappointment meter with men have over flown. It is hard to muster excitement when they are concerned.

My gloomy  gus attitude needs to change. I talk to other people and there lives sound just as boring as mine. Is that what happens later in life. Is that why people have mid-life crisis, to muster some excitement. Prayer works, I am going to pray for excitement and happiness. Not drama, excitement just to be clear.

On another note Doctor Dude received his present. He asked me how I knew he like dark chocolate. How about I had no idea it just looked pretty in the picture. Also it was inexpensive that sold me. I told him it was a lucky guess. Hey I will take my brownie points. I didn’t want to say I didn’t really think about it. Which I didn’t

I made someone happy. That is cool. Now I need to work on myself!! Which has always been extreme hard for me!!

Funny Confusion

Two co-workers thought I was the woman who won the 70 million in the lottery. Granted I do not want to talk about it. It is one thing when they win out of your state. The winning ticket was bought very close to my house. The woman who won even has my profession.

To close for comfort. I am very jealous also. Oh well life goes on. I thought it was hilarious that my co workers thought it was me. Damn I wish it was.

My vacation went to quick. I didn’t do anything which I enjoyed. I did watch too much ID discovery channel. I need to stop, it is all about people getting killed. Not an uplifting channel. There are a lot of programs concerning death on T.V. these days.

I did work on my friends daughters blanket. I have made a great deal of progress. I am embarrassed that is sat in a corner for two years. I determined to get it in the mail in a few weeks. I might have to cross my fingers on that. I need to complete the things I start.

Half measures avail me nothing. I am a big half measure person.  I want more than nothing.

Doctor dude hadn’t called in four days. I thought here we go again he got a girlfriend. Which is the reason I thought he stopped calling me before. I sent him a text message that read,”I guess you forgot about me again.   I like messing with him. Even if he has a girlfriend not much I could say about it. We have never met. If I meet someone exciting tomorrow I am not going to worry about him either.

He called my home phone. That was odd, not many people use my home phone number. I answered and I said I was shocked you called me on this number. He said I been calling your cell for hours and keep getting the answering machine. I looked at my cell and damn it was turned off. I laughed to myself. I was trying to reset it and forgot to turn it back on.

Wow he had been calling me for hours. He didn’t want to leave a message. He went to the next phone number to get in touch. I have to say I was flattered that he put in that much effort to talk to me. That was something I would have never have expected from him. Maybe he likes me more than I realize. We will see but it did put a big smile on my face!!!

Fears and more Fears!!

My doctor friend is trying to convince me to visit him in PA. I am not a risk taker. He is a stranger. I don’t feel he is serial killer, but who knows. We have talked on and off for three years. I am sticking to my guns he needs to come see me. I watch too much T.V. with all these random missing women. I refuse to be on unsolved mysteries. When I go on dates now I make sure and give someone the guys information. He has me in fantasy mode again. Why is it so hard for me to stay out of that place. He makes a lot of money as a surgeon. I started talking to him when he was a broke resident. Money doesn’t sway me. I am not materialistic at all. Even if I had money I wouldn’t spend it willy nilly and on unneccessary things. He has a very expensive truck. I told him I would want a Honda regardless of how much money I have. They are good Cars/Trucks and last.

I am like my grandmother in that area. My grandmother was not poor at all. She owned several properties and a summer home. She could also be seen in the goodwill looking for a good deal. That was Nana, and I am just like her. I don’t own one designer thing. With being six feet tall I buy what fits and looks good. I could careless whose name is on it. Also I refuse to spend a lot of money on anything.

I know a few people who brand drop. Meaning I have Coach bag. Or this Donna Karen. Well yah for them it doesn’t impress or move me at all. My pocketbook could be worth ten bucks and I am just as happy with it. That is me and I don’t fault people for who they are.

Back to the fantasy Doctor dude is throwing out the if we get married situation. I might have started it but he put his two cents in. He said I wouldn’t have to work!! You know that is music to my ears. I would do something. I am not the sit at home type of chick. Not having to report to a job would be winning the lottery ten times over. That is the fantasy in my mind. I have to meet this man in person and see if we vibe. There are several steps that need to happen before marriage. Granted I have heard the story of they met and three days later are married. I sincerely doubt that will ever be my story. I can’t predict the future but I don’t see it.

On a lighter note I had a presentation today. I nailed it. I was so nervous my hand was shaking but they couldn’t see it. I got claps and someone mentioned how I do a great job. It was really nice and uplifting. I haven’t done a presentation since 1995 in college. I did well even with the fears. I have to say I am really glad it is over and done with. It has been on my mind for three weeks. Now I can free up those brain waves for something else. Something non stressful would be great!!

Not as Planned!

I didn’t go to the Fernbank museum. He did contact me via text message to ask if we could meet. It ended up being at irish bar that a band he liked was performing. I was a little upset. My Fernbank dreams down the drain. Now I have to settle with a regular date at a bar. Oh yeah did I mention I was the one who had to do the driving this time. Oh joy for me. I accepted it, since I rain checked on him last week.

The date was ok. We talked for three hours. He is an ultra intellectual. I could see he analyses everything. I also felt he was a major liberal. I don’t have a problem with anyone political beliefs. Certain things he said bothered me. He has what I would call white guilt. He said should I apologize for being white. He sounded like he wanted to hand out apologize for all things white man has done wrong. I thought oh lawd really!! I said well what did you do exactly that you have to apologize for? Meaning him personal not the white man. After those comments I lost interest big time. I personally make no apologizes for my race.  I can’t be blamed for everything done wrong. The conversation went downhill after that. He did give me some good thoughts about my blogging. Granted I didn’t tell him about this blog. I told him about the blog I don’t care who reads it.

Today is looking up big time. I went to the gas station to buy the job lottery tickets for the pool. Also to buy my personal lottery tickets and scratch tickets. Friday was payday so my usually activities. This cute guy was in there. He brought his tickets and were scratching them at the counter. I smiled and did my transaction and left. While I was driving away I was staring at him. He said something to me. I was almost out of the gas station.  I rolled down the window and backed up. He started flirting and I started smiling.

He asked me if I was single. We chit chatted and exchanged numbers. I asked him if he has any children. He said “two”. I told him I didn’t have any but will one day. He said” I make cute babies”. Now I am really smiling!!!.

I haven’t been flirted with in a random public place in so long. It made my day, week, and year so far. The little things can mean so much. We will see what happens!! Things might be looking up for 2012!!

Just my LUCK!!

IMAX at the Melbourne Museum in Melbourne, Aus...

I have been asked on a great date. A new guy from online asked me to meet him at the Fernbank museum tonight. He got a lot of points in my book for that suggestion. That place is beautiful. He would be driving a long distance to get there. What sucks if I might have to work late tonight and tomorrow.

He is being very understanding if I can’t make it. I will be the pissed off one if I don’t make it. I have no idea what to wear. I will have to rush home and find something cute and sexy. Sounds like clothes will be all over my bedroom until I find the right outfit. This weekend is going to be packed with things to do. I am going to the cowboy club tomorrow night  and I have a few meetings I need to go to.

The one great date I have been asked on in several years and I might have to work. I have been asked on dates but always some place random like a bar. I like that this guy things outside of the box.

How the hell does that happen that work is getting in the way. They have Martini and IMAX on friday nights. I don’t drink but the atmosphere is so nice. This guy is an academic. He is a professor at a college and has his PH D. We talked on the phone and had a decent conversation. 

We will see how things work out. What ever happens it was meant to be. I guess I have no choice but to live life on life’s terms. I still hope I make it. I am going to keep hope alive!!!

Need a break!

I have been going to bed at 9pm. I put Mr. shitty paints in his crate and it is lights out. He is looking at me like I am crazy. I usually don’t go to bed until midnight. I have to say I don’t feel anymore rested in the morning. I still don’t want to get out of the bed like usual.

I am ready for the weekend. Even with this being a short week it seems like it is lasting forever. I was asked to possible work on Saturday. I wasn’t a happy camper. I wish I had a child and could say oh sorry no child care can’t help you. I swear single with no kids means you are open anytime.

It wasn’t even asked as a question. It was assumed it would be done. I made plans this weekend. I spent New Years in bed at 10:30pm. I have a date on Friday night. With a new guy I met online as usual. We had one conversation and we are supposed to meet at 9pm on Friday night. I wouldn’t have planed such a late date if I knew I had to be at work on Saturday morning. I hoping the work thing doesn’t happen.

My new friends I met at the meet up group are going back to the Cowboy club Saturday. They ladies room attendant told us to come back on a Saturday on a non holiday weekend. I am ready to get my line dancing on. I was planing to look for a new outfit on Saturday. A weekend of fun. I need it. Hopefully I can start 2012 off with a bang.