I can get discouraged on occasion. Will my child ever talk. Will she ever catch up. There are times when I feel Ava is very smart. Other times I feel like she a four-year-old teenager that doesn’t want to do what I ask. Other times I don’t know what to think. Right now my mother helps so much, I am scared to face life without my mother in the picture. It’s not just child care. It is special needs childcare. Who do I trust with a child that doesn’t talk?
I wish I didn’t have to work and could be more hands-on with Ava. It is hard not only do I work I sit in traffic a lot. I come home tired and stressed. She is a high maintenance child. With all her medical needs, doctors appointment, parenting training. I am beat with the reality of having an autistic child. I find myself jealous of other people and their kids. I know everyone has there problems. I was jealous of a friend. She has a son a year younger than Ava. He talks and is potty trained. The grass looks greener. With that being said my friend is sick and doing through major medical problems. She has several kids and a husband. All this to say life isn’t easy for most people.
I do want to be easier for me. Will she ever talk. No one knows. All I can do is wish and pray she surprises me and actually calls me mom one day.
The saying God won’t give you more than you can handle. I do feel he has a sense of humor. Life is not how expected at all. I mean all of it. Life has surely been stranger than fiction.
My life has been blessed in a lot of ways. I know I say it a lot on this blog. I need to remind myself of a regular basis. I was talking to the Ava speech therapist. Her cousin son has just been diagnosed. She had to tell her mother he doesn’t have cancer. Yes that is how some people come at you. Like your kid is dying.
I have had a lot of heart to hearts with a lot of parents of autistic kids. We all have different stories and similar stories.
I thought I would be married. On my third child by now. I remember when my ex 20 years ago asked if I wanted to have a baby with him. In my opinion he just wanted to have sex with no condom.
Looking back, I should have did it. Hind-site is 20/20. If I would have went down that road. Many great women would have never entered my life.
There is no do overs for life. I enjoyed my life. I am still living every moment of it. Taking every challenge with head held high. Praying to god for the strength to get through. So far so good.
Well I went public. My blog is not inline with my YouTube channel. To be honest folks, I write a lot of these in advance. Then schedule them out to keep them going. It is all my life just not in real time. Sometimes!!! Unless I had a hard day and just needed to write.
This works for me to keep my blog alive weekly. Instead of letting it go for months with the lack of time in my life.
So Ava is autistic. I few of you guys figured it out. I am not embarrassed or ashamed. That is not the reason I didn’t answer anyone’s questions. I was going through a lot. Had to get a lot in place for my child. Had to work on her, and all her needs.
I had no idea what the word meant. I have cousin with autism. I really thought it was just hard to socialize and make friends. OMG it means a whole lot more than that. My closest friends and family has really been my comfort. When I was sitting in the doctors face. She approved my child for 25 hours a week of services. She said if there is no progress we will be having a different conversation the next time.
Well it has been a year. A lot of progress has been made in some areas. Not in all, but which can bother me at times. The therapist love to say we need to meet them where they are at. I met a mom and I have to steel what she said. I need to meet her where she needs to go not where she is at.
Early intervention think I am super mom. I feel I fall short from that title in many ways. I work a full time job. I have an hours worth of commute each way. I do go out my way to email them. Set goals I want to see happen. Sit down and talk to them when I can.
Tonight I wrote a proposal try and get parents evening and weekend training classes. I have not taken early childhood, speech or ABA classes. I need help in those areas so I can help my child.
I have already picked out her preschool. Please pray we get in. I have had a one on one with the assistant principal. I have things I want to work on implementing and goals I want her to reach. My baby is my pries possession. She will be doing testing for preschool hopefully this month. To start immediately when she turns 3 and the services end. Which in Massachusetts is 3.
Ok I know some will go into vaccines. I met a woman that delayed the vaccines and her daughter still got it. I did beat myself up for not doing a delayed schedule. Or some kind of way this is my fault. I had to let that go. None of that talk will help my daughter.
She will have challenges and I will be there to help her through everyone . …