Baby Project #48

One insemination down. So I am going back today. He actually apologized again when I got there about standing me up on Sunday. I accepted his apology. There is something about getting an apology in person. Text message makes apologies seem worthless. I actually hate text message. It is the way people communicate these days.

 

I am feeling my ovaries doing something. Can’t really describe. I am keeping my figures crossed for success. The drive to his house is no joke. I am used to a long commute home every day from work. Now that I live closer I have become spoiled. I don’t like sitting in the car for long periods of time.

 

English: The Microsoft Kinect peripheral for t...

English: The Microsoft Kinect peripheral for the Xbox 360. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I have become obsessed. I want an Xbox 360 kinect with the dancing games. Here is the problem. I can slap my credit card down and purchase this at anytime. I actually can take the money out of savings. What is the hold up you ask? I bought a lot of things over the years, that sounded interesting and fun. Usually to work out. Which is the reason I want this, the workout games.

 

I am a lazy procrastinating mess. So that is why this has not been purchased. I don’t want to buy it and not use it. So I looked into to buying it used. These damn things are like Honda’s, they clearly don’t decrease in value much. I am also skeptical of buying something I can’t return.

 

So I am going to try my best to ignore my obsession. I have a treadmill in my house that barely gets used. Shame on me!!!

 

Crazy is as Crazy does!!

As I mentioned before it is easy to meet crazy people on the internet. I have been watching too much ID discovery Stalked. When men act to damn aggressive and we barely know each other I run. Red flag, Red flag abort. Well the new guy I met online. We had two conversations. By the second conversation it was abort time.

First conversation was ok. No bells and whistles. We are both single and don’t like it blah, blah. I had the feeling he was a bit desperate. I am not into desperate men. It can lead to a lot of problems. He said he had to call me back. I told him when I was going to bed and said if he doesn’t make it to call me the next day.

Well in the morning I got a I am sorry I didn’t call got in late. That was fine no biggie. Then during the day I get about five more random text messages. He got one response early in the morning. First of all I am not a texter. My cell is in my purse in the drawer of my desk. I have no idea when it is going off usually. I don’t text at work often. Especially since it takes me forever to type anything.

Well by his third text with no response the desperation started to show. He didn’t want to be a pest. He knows I am ok.

I am thinking dude really. We talked once. Well my cell phone battery isn’t worth crap. When I got home from work I put it on the charger up stairs and played my Sims 3 for hours. About 12am I looked at it and saw his messages. Did I mention I got a you must be busy goodnight text.

I text him sorry phone was on the charger goodnight. I was headed to bed. He text back I am still up. All this texting made me nervous. What is up with this crazy person.

So the next day I still get these random text which I did not respond. Then he calls in the evening. I was not in the best mood. There was a big lay off at my job. Thank god I am still employed. I have to say I was a little jealous of the women who had husband with jobs who were laid off. As we know I don’t have one of those. Needless to say I was spared thank god because I need my job.

Well he try to mirror my tone that something was wrong. I said what is wrong with you. He said I am trying to be supportive. I swear I thought what the hell is the twilight zone. I got off the phone with him saying I was just not in a good mood. Then the texting started coming. I hope you are okay, I feel like you are blowing me off, Pray about it and let me know what you want to do.

That was it. No doubts this fool is crazy. I had to let him know I wasn’t feeling his stalker nature. I talked to you once in two days. What the hell is your problem. He wanted to explain. I said not thanks I am good this is not going to work.

I dodged a bullet with that crazy. I told Doctor Dude. He seemed a bit jealous that I was talking to other men. What the hell am I supposed to do wait on him. Ah hell no. I haven’t even met the man. He did agree dude was crazy. Thank god I have radar and figured this out before there was ever a meet and great. I hope he got the message and never contacts me again. He is crazy he might try!!!

Funny Confusion

Two co-workers thought I was the woman who won the 70 million in the lottery. Granted I do not want to talk about it. It is one thing when they win out of your state. The winning ticket was bought very close to my house. The woman who won even has my profession.

To close for comfort. I am very jealous also. Oh well life goes on. I thought it was hilarious that my co workers thought it was me. Damn I wish it was.

My vacation went to quick. I didn’t do anything which I enjoyed. I did watch too much ID discovery channel. I need to stop, it is all about people getting killed. Not an uplifting channel. There are a lot of programs concerning death on T.V. these days.

I did work on my friends daughters blanket. I have made a great deal of progress. I am embarrassed that is sat in a corner for two years. I determined to get it in the mail in a few weeks. I might have to cross my fingers on that. I need to complete the things I start.

Half measures avail me nothing. I am a big half measure person.  I want more than nothing.

Doctor dude hadn’t called in four days. I thought here we go again he got a girlfriend. Which is the reason I thought he stopped calling me before. I sent him a text message that read,”I guess you forgot about me again.   I like messing with him. Even if he has a girlfriend not much I could say about it. We have never met. If I meet someone exciting tomorrow I am not going to worry about him either.

He called my home phone. That was odd, not many people use my home phone number. I answered and I said I was shocked you called me on this number. He said I been calling your cell for hours and keep getting the answering machine. I looked at my cell and damn it was turned off. I laughed to myself. I was trying to reset it and forgot to turn it back on.

Wow he had been calling me for hours. He didn’t want to leave a message. He went to the next phone number to get in touch. I have to say I was flattered that he put in that much effort to talk to me. That was something I would have never have expected from him. Maybe he likes me more than I realize. We will see but it did put a big smile on my face!!!

Random!

Snow White

Image by statelyenglishmanor via Flickr

The guy from the gas station didn’t call. Oh well, I am not sweating it. I will also not call him. He asked for my number he needs to use it. I am not going to be the aggressive one any longer. For some reason aggressive women always seem to come off desperate. I know what I want I am not desperate.

If he calls are not I appreciate the boast to my ego.

On a bad note the ex sent me a text message. I responded with one word answers. How are you he asked. I said fine. I was just checking on you he types. I said okay. With my non use of vocabulary I felt he got the picture. He didn’t respond after that.

I do not have hate in my heart for the man. That doesn’t translate to I don’t think he is an ass and a jerk. I think he is both of those things. I am trying to make sure I don’t let me run havoc on my life again.

The big issue with him is the disappointment of the baby dreams. I was so ready to be knocked up. I should have known from my past nothing is that easy in my life. Everything has to be difficult and hard.

He always try to come back in my life when he is lonely. I am no longer his consolation prize. I am not even going to let my head go into my fantasy of him. That is when I let myself forget the reality of him constantly letting me down. I am staying firm in reality!!

A friend of mine and I talked about fairy tales that messed us up. Snow white, Cinderella. The prince saves us and we live happily ever after. Why does the woman always needs to be saved? What happens after the marriage? They might not live happily ever after and get divorced in six months.

The problem is the happily ever after. No one life is problem free and there will be points of unhappy and disappointment. The belief of a lifetime worth of happiness and perfection is a load of crap I wish wasn’t drilled into me with fairy tales.

Another friend complained that a girl we went to high school wouldn’t let her daughter watch fairy tales. For the same points I stated above. I never really thought about it until now. I think I agree. They are not necessary for a child to grow. I don’t want my child to have the realities of life before they are ready. I also don’t want to ram into their heads a fictional version that will never do them any good in the future.

All these thought and no baby. I might be putting the cart before the horse.

Interesting turn of events!

Philly

Image by courosa via Flickr

Well it doesn’t look like I am going to the Fernbank. I haven’t heard from the guy other than a text on Monday. I know I had to strike while the iron was hot.

A guy I met years ago has contacted me. He seems to want to rekindle something. I just have no idea what because all I remember is one date a long time ago. I am getting voice mails and text messages saying have a good day. It is kind of shocking. This person and I never had a great vibe. I think that is why it never went beyond one date. It sounds like he has some sort of epiphany. I wish he would let me in on it. I haven’t talked to him in years. He is talking to me in a manner that we never stopped communicating.

On another internet event. A guy I really liked I have reconnected with. I say I really liked him loosely. We have never met. We flirted and talked on the phone on and off for a few years. I think we fell off when ever we were dating someone. I emailed him a month ago just to say hello. Then he called and bang we are back shooting the shit on the phone.

Why we never met you ask? Well he lives in Philly. I live in Atlanta. I refuse to travel to  a strange city to meet a stranger. I know you might think I could be missing an opportunity. Take a risk. My answer to that is hell no. I have been on countless internet dates. More than the average person. There is nothing worse than being in a  situation and stuck. Yes I drove two hours to Columbus GA to meet this guy. He was at a military base. When I got there he would not stop talking about his ex girlfriend. I ended up yelling at this guy “will you stop saying her name”. I was stuck for the evening. I was ready to run home the next day.

I have also had many bad dates that I couldn’t wait for him to finish eating so I could head home. It is real bad when I offer to pay for my meal just so he doesn’t have the illusion to call me again. I can’t imagine being in a strange city going through that crap. So I put it on the man. If he is that interested he will make the effort.

Over the years I have had men visit from South Carolina, Florida, New York. They stayed in hotels and I met them.

I didn’t meet this guy because he was a broke med student/resident when we started talking. He didn’t have the time or money to come see me. Now that has changed. He is working and from what I can see successful in what he is doing. He is still beyond busy.

He actually offered to come see me. I was shocked. First he offered me a plane ticket to Philly which I refused. He needs to come here first so I can access the body language on my turf.

Actions speak louder than words. Me being the pessimist I know. I will believe it when he gets off the plane. I need to work on being optimistic. I hate being let down so pessimism is my safety net to disappointment.

Just A Conversation

Email Icon

Image via Wikipedia

I received an email yesterday from a cute guy. I made the commitment  to myself not to stress over a relationship or a baby for three months. I am still holding true to that. He sent a very nice email. It wasn’t vulgar. He didn’t ask me  for a picture with no clothes. It was very nice simple and sweet. Nice change of pace. I check out his profile.

He was my type and very handsome. Two things struck me. He is two years younger and four inches shorter. Neither a big deal to me. I have a friend who is 5’5 and needs someone over 5’10. Did I mention she is single like the rest of us. I believe you are entitled to your preferences. There are somethings I will not budge on at all. Then there are things that are not that big of deal. Height and age are not a big deal to me.

I am six-foot tall, 6’2 when I wear heels. If he can handle that then we are good.  We exchanged a few emails yesterday. Which was great because it broke up the monotone of my job. My work day was coming to an end. I thought should I ask for his number so we can talk during my long commute. Instantly I thought no I am not asking for anything. If he is interested then he will let me know. When I finally got home I had an email waiting in my in box with his phone number. I thought to myself wow I did that correct.

I gave him a call and left a message. An hour later he called we talked for about twenty minutes. It was a good conversation filled with the getting to know you questions. Then he asked could he call me back in a half an hour. I said sure and went about my evening. Two hours later I realized he never called back. To stay true to my commitment I was not going to obsesses over it. If he called he does if he doesn’t he doesn’t. Me and Mr shitty paints went to sleep. I fell asleep stress free and relaxed.

I checked my phone during my daily morning activities and noticed I had a text message. Mr nice email apologized for not call me back. Wow I win again with this approach. I am not stressing anything and my life is peaceful what ever happens I am going with the flow. We ended up talking on my commute to work. More get to know you questions were asked and answered.

This approach is keeping me stress free and I am loving it. All positive things needs to enter my life and the rest needs to be banished. I might meet this guy I might not. It might turn into something or it might not. I don’t care either way which is a lovely feeling!!!

Surprised!!!

I have clubbed in the Atlanta area for years. Granted I have taken a break for a long while. Usually I meet men out and about. It never really translates into anything. Eventually I delete them from my cell phone. Well I have heard from four guys from Saturday night. This is a strange occurence.

The Navy guy I actually called to see if he was alright. He was pretty drunk and I was concerned. We chatted for a while which was cool. I had taken a few pictures with him. I added him to my Facebook. He didn’t really seem that interested in me via the phone. It sounded like we could be good friends. Or Facebook friends which is fine with me.

Two other guys asked me how I was doing via text message. Yes, people do not want to hear your voice anymore. Text message is the new way to converse. I am not a big texter. I exchanged a few text with each of them. One lives out-of-state. The other one lives near me but I wasn’t to sure about him. Time will tell!! Everything in the dark always comes to the light.

Now the real surprise is Coach. I emailed him. He emailed me. We talked on IM (instant message) this morning. Could there be something there??? It is funny how my life took on some excitement. He is on the ball of keeping in touch. We will see how this plays out. I have never been the groupie type. 

I mentioned that New England Patriot that wanted to sleep with me in the last post. Further explanation: I was at a cookout. I had no idea who he was. I have never been interested in sports. He let me know he played for the team. Which I wasnt impressed because sports never held my interests. He proceed to ask me when we could sleep together even thought he was married. I thought to myself this guy has a nerve and a big ass ego. I had to deflate it. I was not interested in him or his offer. So that was my one bout with someone with some fame. I am not going to sell my soul to the devil.

So if Coach is interested I have no problem going on a date. My life picked up all in one night. The night I was determined to stay home and be depressed. I owe thanks to ( My friend) for making me go out!!!

She has been my homegirl for years. She kicked me in the booty on Saturdaym, about wasting my time being depressed. It is great to have good friends who don’t put up with your BULL SHIT!!!!

I can’t believe this shit!!

If anything he is predictable. I knew he would contact me. Yes the ex contacted me via text msg this morning. While I was driving no less. “Am I still mad at him”. Hell yeah you selfish asshole. I thought I was about to plow in the car in front of me. I know texting while driving is against the law. Well it is here. I couldn’t let it go. I did use the voice activation instead of typing with my fingers.

So yes all day we have been having a text msg, email battle. Well I have been cussing him the hell out. He hasn’t had too much to say. After all my responses riddled with hate he comes back with “Is there nothing I can do”.

I think of myself as not being stupid. My heart did jump with that email. Why I have no idea. I guess with all the drama he still wants me. I am still not swayed at the moment. My heart did jump. I have no idea how this will play out. I am going to be honest I can be weak also. Right now I am sticking to my guns. I asked him what the hell does he want from me? Yes I said it just that way. If I could post my email which I would never, you could see how ugly I really got.

What I know right now is I am going to a cookout this weekend. This is a cookout I was invited to by a member of my meetup group. She recently married a group member after a year of knowing him. Go figure that. I known this asshole for ten years and I haven’t seen a ring. I am going to leave that alone.

She mentioned to me, some men have been inquiring about me through the meet up group website. She thought I was in a relationship so she didn’t say anything. I told her that relationship is history so tell me who, I will introduce myself. That is after I cyber stock them on the meetup group website and see if they are datable. I might be single but never desperate. She is no longer a leader of the group. She is focussing on her marriage. I totally understand that. The new leaders will be at this cookout. I am there with bells on.  I also have a few feelers out there online. A few guys emailed me that were cute. We will see what pans out there.

My aunt said “you recover very damn quick”. Well one monkey does not stop a show. I also will not let my blessing pass by being depressed over some man. He got two days. That is what I allowed myself to be depressed. Those days are over so I moved on with my life. He contacted me today. As of last week he was deleted from my cell phone. I will keep you posted. When did my life turn into a soap opera!!!

My Pity Party is OVER!!

I am not a religious person. I swear god always teaches me lessons. On Monday evening after my eventful weekend things got crazy. Did I mention I had two dates on Monday. I haven’t done much in five months dating this man who travels 90% of the time. Then I have two dates in one day. Go figure. Neither of the dates were a love connection.

So I was still feeling bad about my text message break up. I went to walk MR. Shitty Paints (My dog). We went outside at our usual time. This woman came to me and asked me if I seen her sister. I said who is your sister. She pointed to the townhouse three doors over. I wanted to be nice, but I have been here nine years and it took two years for the woman three doors over to wave HI. She is not tha friendly person. So I tried to say tactfully you sister is kind of bitch. Is it really hard to say hello?

So she goes on to say she hadn’t talked to her since Friday. She didn’t show up to the Sunday family dinner. She is a very quiet person. It wasn’t unusual for her not to call but she would at least text. Now I was a bit concerned. I asked her if she had the key to the house. She said yes. I asked her if she wanted me to go in there with her. She said no she called the police scared of what might be found in the house.

So me being me, I started knocking on the other neighbors doors for information. No one knew anything. I guess everyone goes on with their lives and don’t pay attention to others. I have to admit I do the exact something. I was glad to see I have caring neighbors. No one went back in there house. They all came out to help.

I had one neighbors husband look in the back of the townhouse to make sure no one kicked in the back door. The husband (No I don’t know his name, Damn shame after nine years LOL) asked the sister if she wanted him to go in with her. She said yes. I guess she felt more comfortable with a man. Everyone else was waiting by the door. Then I heard him yell CALL 911. His wife and I ran up the stairs. I had 911 on the phone.

She was unconscious but breathing. I played a amature nurse to the wife as she made sure her air passage was clear. Finally the police showed up. The cop was a straight Ass hole. He insinuated that she might be drunk. Even if she was this was not something to mention in front of her sister who was falling apart and calling family at the same time.

She was still unconscious when they took her in the ambulance. We have no updates to how she is. We didn’t even know her name until Monday. She is only 37 years old. All I have to say is that experience changed me.

EX boyfriend can kiss my ass. I woke up today and I am alive and grateful. All is fine in my world and I am not going to let him steal anymore of my joy.

Friday Depression

Well I am no longer in a relationship. He broke up with me via text message. No I am not making this up. He is so sorry that he couldn’t even face me on the phone. Then they wonder why we want to have children by ourselves. We had a text message battle on Friday. Yes I did mention he was a punk to do this via text message. I swear I hate this man. I only had few situations in my life where I experienced hate. This is one I can add to the list. Fuck him and I am glad I know what type of person he is now. He is just sorry in my book. If he came to me like a man and discussed this with me. I would be upset but would have had to accept it. No he couldn’t do that. So I hate him. He better never contact me again. I know he feels bad. I got text message at 12am asking if I was asleep. I just looked at my phone and thought seriously.

What is killing me about this is we have known each other for ten years. We have been friends longer than anything else. Well I decided not to dwell. My girl and I are going bowling and play pool. I am still in a bad place. I am going out with my girl who is less pressure. Not worrying about men at all. I have been asked on a few dates. Yeah I know  I work quick. Well I jumped on my Yahoo IM and started talking to folks I haven’t talked to in months. I got three offers of sperm for my baby journey.

It is funny how men are offering me their seed. One offered and I was beyond shocked. I thought he loved the bachelor life. He said he wasn’t getting any younger and didn’t have kids. He is sexy also. He is another long story from my past. Well actually not a long story but a story I need to keep to myself.  Our relationship was not the brightest moment in my history. Case closed on that LOL. I have to regroup and think about my next step. I decided I am jumping back into dating. I am going to save for my possible sperm purchase. I told a friend from home if a lump some of money comes into my life. I am going straight to getting pregnant and not worry about bullshit relationships. Right now I am going to have to save for that.

Either way god is on my side. I am going to keep taking my supplements for egg quality and move forward. One guy I lusted after years ago. He was so my type. I will not go into why we never got together. Well he is retired from the military and already has children. I told him he could father my children and give me the medical insurance for my babies through the military and we would be even. We had a big laugh on that one. LOL I am crazy!! I know it. If you can’t laugh at yourself then you are taking life to seriously.

It will all work out.