Holiday Blues

I been in Ga for 13 years. I never go home for the holidays for several reason. A little more than half of those years I spent Thanksgiving at a friend’s house. This year the plans fell through. I was more disappointed than usual. I usually don’t care if I do anything on the holidays. I am not the holiday type person. Every since my grandmother died when I was 18, I haven’t care much about it. I asked my friend is it because I am pregnant. She said yes it is because you are pregnant. I missed my mom and my family and wished I was going to my god mothers with my mother and aunt. I will be home next year.

This weekend I spent a lot of time in the bed. This might be TMI so you can skip if you like. I was having some burning in the lower area. I ended up at urgent care. I couldn’t take it and my OBGYN wouldn’t have an appointment until Monday. Come to find out I was dehydrated and my urine was making me burn. When the doctor told me that I looked at him like WTF, I never heard of that crap. Come to find out he was right. I took some cranberry pills and drank  a lot of water and it went away. Thank you Jesus, because that crap was no joke. Then I had this crazy two-day headache. Also for being dehydrated.

I was having a hard time lugging the water bottles up three flights of stairs. I do drink a lot of water at work. With the extended vacation that wasn’t happening. I went to Walmart and got a Britta water filter pitcher. I am peeing all the time, but up on the water intake. I had a long talk with an old friend. She is so excited for me to come home. I am looking forward to reconnecting and also finding new friends.

I tried on my work pants on Sunday. They still fit no maternity pants yet. Yeppie, I did a dance in the middle of the floor. The gap did have a sale and I got the 64.00 maternity tall pants I been eyeing for half off. I have to say that was a great day. I also had to return some Wal-Mart maternity shirts that were too tight. What I noticed was the material was very cheap. I been wearing sweaters I got from the thrift shop. My co-worker said I don’t look pregnant yet. I am almost four months in a couple of weeks. I am feeling better, but every time I say that out loud I start feeling bad.

Another friend wants to do my babies shower. I told her my other friends would help with the food. She said no it will be her present to me. I was shocked that she would go out of her way like that. It is nice to be liked and loved!!! She put a smile on my face that day. I still want her to share the expense. I am old-school. Have a few friends bring some food and call it a day. She was adamant she didn’t want help with the food. Someone could bring the cake. Another friend volunteered to do that. I told her it doesn’t have to be anything special a sheet cake would be fine. I heard another NO!! I can get you a baby shower cake. All these people extending their kindness. Tells me I need to appreciate the people in my life and realize I have real friends. They are priceless!!!

 

Nothing Special

Life has been very routine. I go to work and come home. I might go to a meeting or the gym. Other than that my life has been pretty blah. I spent Thanksgiving with the dogs of the house. They kept me company while my roommates were out at a friend’s house. They asked me to come. I have so many eating restrictions I didn’t want to deal with a friend of a friends cooking.

I did enjoy the days off. A SMC friend had her baby. So happy for her and so ready to get started for myself. I bought my mom a new refrigerator and a dryer. My aunt when out for black Friday and purchased it. I am paying her back on installments. Trying to get everything ready for my arrival. Which I wish was now. No scratch ticket winning to move me to Boston faster.

I renewed my subscription to the single mother by choice forum. So it is officially been over a year having a baby by myself has been my pursuit  They also published another one of my articles. I have been looking at jobs in Boston. It is so hard to find something when you are sick of what you do. I look at the descriptions and think I don’t want to do that shit. I am sick of doing it now.

All a means to an end. I have met some guys online. They seem to lose interest after a while with me being in another state. Even letting them know it will be a few short months doesn’t help the situation. Oh well life goes on!!. Male attention would be nice but not required. I wish I had something more interesting to report. Well I do have one good thing. My credit score didn’t take as much of beaten with my short-sale  Thank god, that made me feel great!!!

What I am Thankful For!!

thankful tree

Image by jenosale via Flickr

Today is Thanksgiving and I stayed home and slept all day. It wasn’t a bad day or eventful at all. Me and Mr. Shitty pants were very comfortable on the couch. The only time I left the house was for a meeting in the morning. Also when Mr. Shitty pants made me walk him around the entire subdivision. My dog has me under totally control. He can’t seem to use the bathroom unless we walk a distance. He also tries to direct where we go with pulling on the leash. I feel like he five-pound ass is walking me.  My day included sleeping, watching T.V. and fantasizing about my future children. Since I am not sharing a meal with a group of people, and what I am thankful for. I thought my blog would be just as good.

1) My health I am a healthy even though I smoked for a number of years.

2) My family I was not close to my family at all growing up. Now I have a relationship with several of my family members that I am great full for. A cousin that always felt like my sister. My brother who is really my cousin and I we have gotten allot closer. I have a better relationship with both of my parents. My aunt who is my mother’s twin sister and I have become very close over the years. All the reason I think about moving home.

3) My job I appreciate having this job. I might complain on occasion, OK a whole lot. I do thank god I can pay my bills and keep a roof over my head.

4)My Friends– I have really great people in my life. Even thought I am an introvert they are still there for me.

I am blessed and Thankful for everything!!! I know I complain and seem ungrateful. I am working on appreciating my blessings everyday.

No Thanksgiving Plans

I have written before how the holidays are not my thing. My grandmother died when I was 18. After she was put in the grave I could careless about Holidays. I thought my interest would pick up when I have kids. I never given birth so the interests in holidays has stayed the same.

Usually a friend will look at my situation as pitiful and request my present at their house. I do appreciate all the invitations I received over the years. I have sat at many non family members Thanksgiving and Christmas table.

I don’t feel like going anywhere this year. I just want to enjoy my day off. I am trying to decided if I am going to head to Wal-Mart at 10pm to get that 100 dollar Wii. I wanted a Wii for a long time. The problem is will I lose interest in it. I will be so excited because it is a new toy and than six months later it hasn’t been touched.

Did I also mention I hate crowds. I have never been shopping on black Friday. I don’t like being around a bunch of people. It isn’t a phobia, more like an annoyance. The 100 buck Wii is also the base equipment. I would have to add to it with equipment and games. More and more this sounds like it isn’t going to happen. I don’t think I want it that much.

Wow that was quick I officially talked myself out of the Wii. I do play computer games. I am addicted to the Sims 3. Yes I play the Sims. I haven’t played in over a month. Due to my cousin had the game to and a we would do challenges against each other. When her game was destroyed by a computer virus I put it down.

You have to understand the sims is a virtual reality game. Which was really created for pre teens. I found out that computer hackers all over the world have created mods to make a very PG game, R or X- rated game. It is my own personal soap opera.  Example: One of our challenges was to create a single guy and see how many kids he can produce across the town. This was not a challenge I created it. I found it on a Sims website. Where they showed a family tree with over 100 offspring.

I haven’t been motivated to sit in front of a computer and play a fictional life. I been feeling I need to pay more attending to my life. Not to say I won’t play my game again. I haven’t been in the mood recently.

Who knows maybe I will turn it on during the Thanksgiving break.

Update to my sob story!!

I have to say I am still upset. I am over it I guess. Well I am more disappointed than upset. The boyfriend and I talked again. I asked him if I was pushing him into this. I don’t know if I really wanted the answer. I couldn’t stop myself from asking. He said no I was not pushing him. He would tell me if he didn’t want to be a part of this. Then I asked him if he thought I was overreacting. He said yes. I expected that, and he is right. Then he said but that is you. I didn’t get offended by that, because it is true. When I get my mind focused on something my OCD turns on. It is nice he knows me enough not to let my issues bother him.

I asked him if he would take a day off next month. To my surprise he said yes without any prodding. That put a big smile on my face. I told him when AF comes I will count and let him know what day to take. Then I will take one-off also. I hope it isn’t Thanksgiving. That would upset my world big time. I have no family plans. He could be going home to see his family.

I am not going to think that way. Positive thinking needs to start. I bought a few scratch tickets today. If I win I told him I am sending him to spill his seed in a cup at the RE. So then I don’t have to worry when he is in town or not. LOL.

All this is not the outcome I wanted, but better than I expected.

Thanksgiving Blues

I spent Thanksgiving alone which doesn’t make me sad. I am not into food these days and have many eating restrictions. These restrictions make it difficult going to others homes.  I am concerned on how they cook their food and what they put in it. I have made the effort and accepted many invitations over the ten years I have moved to the south.

The blues comes from Thanksgiving of the past.  There are only a few occasions that my family felt like a family.  This only existed by the presences of one woman.  My grandmother is the only person who could piece together a family of strangers.  Living with my grandmother made our house the focal point of the festivities.

She spent all night and day cooking the meal for her family.  Deserts were made specifically for people.  I received my own personal sweet potatoes pie. My uncle had his own banana pudding.  Everyone made an appearance.  Family members that hadn’t been seen for pretty much the whole year would show up and pay their respect. It is the one time I don’t remember any arguments or discourse that pledged the family on a regular basis.

Her death put an end to any family unity. It has been 17 years that my grandmother was put in the grave.  Thanksgiving has never been the same to me. I miss my Nana in ways no one could understand.  She had a different relationship with everyone in our family.  In my case she always made me feel special and treated me more like a daughter than a grandchild.  I owe all the success in my life to her need to give me stability.

Not yet having my own family of husband and children. I also live in the south and my family lives on the east coast.  I am always asked if I want to come home for the holidays.  I hate traveling during this time.  I make it my personal mission to not deal with the cold weather of Boston.  If my Nana was still there I would make it my personal mission to be there for her.  The feel of Thanksgiving has never been replicated since her death.  I have the blues of the Thanksgivings of the past.  The one day a year my family felt like a family.