Sour Stomach

My stomach has been sour for over a week. I don’t feel like I am going to throw up. My stomach feels like crap. It doesn’t matter what I eat.

I took the day off work. I needed a day to sleep and do nothing. Which started out to be a great plan. I forgot to buy the lottery tickets for the office and send it out on Thursday. So I went out to get the tickets and some ginger-ale. A few things from the store and came home. Thank god for scanning. I sent it to someone in the office to send out. Mission accomplished.

A friend of mine was telling me about her financial situation. I was thinking damn she got it together. I am in debt. I had a plan about the debt which was in motion until expensive fertility treatments. I know I will get it together eventually.

I did sleep alot today, but not as much as I thought I would. It is nice to have a day of no errands or things to do. I know soon that will totally change in my life. Mom and I are doing great. Which is usually how it goes. A complete breakdown and then she acts like nothing has happened. 

If getting out of my bed to get lottery tickets makes me rich I will thank the gods for me staying home today. Wishful Thinking!!!!

Pissed off!!

This morning I was really upset with someone. She hasn’t really been optimistic about my baby journey. She did apologize after I went the hell off. Initially when I told her I planned to have children by myself. She said why do I want to do that. Kids are not all that. That is easy to say when you have them.

Then today I told her about the known donor. She knew I was upset about not getting pregnant after spending all that money.

Her: is this a boyfriend?

Me: No this is a donor.

Her: So your child won’t know their father??(FULL OF JUDGEMENT)

This is when I went the blew up. One of her children doesn’t know their father. Also she knows many people as I do with both parents. These kids are not the best and brightest. I told her that is why I can’t talk to you bible belt folks out here. She got defensive an apologized. I think people don’t know what they are saying. Another friend yesterday said you won’t know his medical history. I am thinking and your point is?  If I adopted a child I might not know anything about that child.

You know what’s the true problem. I need to keep my mouth shut. I am not saying another damn thing to anyone. Only to the people supporting the situation at the moment. I told the person I had the conversation this morning  I am not talking about this situation with her again. She apologized again and said she was really sorry. I do believe she was sorry. Why at almost 40 years old do people feel I need to explain myself. My damn mother is all on board.

Then people will judge you when they do the same if not worse in their own life. I told a friend about a causal sex situation years ago. She came down on me with a vengeance. How that wasn’t good. I saw red.

I asked her you do realize I know you. She said yes. I said I known you for years. She said yes. I said how dare you judge me when you slept with your now husband three hours after meeting him. I got an apology.

I swear it is only certain people who do this. Not to be funny but in my experience it usually the ones in church every Sunday. Not getting on the folks in church. JUST SAYING!!!