Things keep moving!!!

Ava and going to sleep has been becoming a problem. She always has had a few issue of sleeping through the night. Also going to sleep is a challenge. I tried the lavender bath soap and lotion. Trying to get her to go to bed earlier. She use to be a great sleeper. Now every night we have issues. I know this is being a toddler. Any suggestions please send them my way.

Work has been great. I use to have so much stress from my prior jobs. Corporate America is full of the stress attacks. Always hoping you didn’t miss the deadlines. Trying to please management. I pray my jobs stays the same. I don’t mind going to work. I wouldn’t mind being a stay at home mom. Which is shocking. I never thought I would be that type of woman. I feel I miss so much at work. I call my mom during the day to find out what Ava is doing!!

My mother spends more time with her then I do. Granted she is ready to hand her over when I get home. Which I totally understand. She is a handful.

I am working through all my challenges with my daughters new reality. I swear you make plans god laughs. I have a had a lot thrown my way and my brain is working overtime to handle the stress.

The second baby plan is on. Being 41 and having an only child. I am an only child. I can’t guarantee that Ava and her sibling will be close. It is worth a shot. I don’t want her to be alone in this world.

I still have jealousy issues. I look at people who I feel has life so much easier and I wonder why my life always seems so hard. The truth is I have no idea if there lives are easier. My life is truly not as hard as many. I am blessed in many ways. I look at my baby and I want to cry for the challenges she is about to face. Then I dry those tears and I am grateful that they are challenges and not a matter of life or death.

My YouTube channel has over 600 subscribers. I been working hard to spread the word. Granted I don’t have enough content for it only to be about issues for a single mother by choice. So I do have other content.

My topic isn’t going viral. I haven’t found my audience. I am trying hard. I am not making any kind of money to pay any bills in my world. It would be nice if that was the case. Every time I watch a video about growing your channel. They always say talk about things you are passionate about. Which is what I do. If I did anything else I know I would lose interest. Since it is a struggling channel in one since. It is making a mark in another. If you look up single mother by choice on You Tube a lot of my videos show up. Every time I want to just let it go, someone sends me an email telling me that want to be a SMC and how my video have helped them. So I have to keep going. That is god giving me a nudge I am on the right page.

This needs to happen

They lady next door wasn’t interested. She directed me to her realtor daughter who might have someone interested. I need major positive vibes my way. I could careless who buys it. Just get it off my hands. If things worked easily It wouldn’t be my life.

So many things on my mind. I am ready to get this one-off my mind!! Home ownership was very overrated in my case. I am sure a lot of people feel that way. So trying to do the right thing and short sale instead of foreclosed seems like a big ass struggle. I have half the battle the bank. But if they came in any where close to what my buyer was willing to pay I wouldn’t be complaining my ass off on this blog.  I would be worried about packing and moving.

I know god is working for me in the background. Patients is not my thing. I am going to try my best and have some blind faith all will work out. I have had baby brain for about a week. I keep thinking about having a baby. I have to stay off Facebook. All people with their new baby pictures are making me jealous.

My friend also informed me today I look like a 13-year-old with all this acne I have. I have never had bad skin. This issue is due to the DHEA I am taking for my own AMH results. It is supposed to help with my egg quality. The bad skin is a side effect. Yah me!!! I will live!!

OPK Success

I have some good news to report. I found my LH surge finally. I am not as broken as I thought I was. Boyfriend isn’t in town to take advantage of this surge. He is in VA helping his mom. She is a victim of hurricane Irene. She just got power after a week. He emailed me because there is no cell phone service. I am glad his mom is ok.

So what I did to find the surge.  I tried the regular way for two months.  First with the equate version OPK test from Wal-Mart. That didn’t work. Then I thought because it was cheap I had no success. Next was Clearblue Easy OPK after $40.00 no happy face. I was not happy at all. I followed the directions on the box.  I decided I am not like normal people and those test directions are based on the average woman. Well I am not average which I found out. I found a website that told me to test twice a day. I was not going to spend the money for Clearblue easy to do that.

I went to Amazon.com to look for a cheaper option. I found Wondfo One Step Ovulation kits. There were 50 tests for $10. How could I beat it? Then I went to WEB MD Ovulation calendar to track my fertile period. I also went to Wal-Mart to pick up disposable cups to collect my sample. I noticed is my cycle had changed over the months. One month 28 the next month 23. Web MD uses three months of your cycle to decide your ovulation period. My fertile period was a week earlier than I thought.

I started testing twice a day and got two dark lines. I thought it might be a fluke so I tested it again. I got another dark line. You couldn’t believe my excitement. I still had a few Clearblue easy left and did that test. Finally I got a happy face!!!!

Choice Mom

This all started with a 39 year old friend that desires to have children. She enlisted me to do the research IUI Artificial insemination. This was a topic I knew absolutely nothing about. I always wanted children. I desire more than one, being that I am an only child. I always wanted a sibling. I had the fairytale in mind. I would have a husband, house, and three children. Well I have the house that is all I have in my fairytale.

My friend who are married are not making marriage look appealing. My fairytale never included conflict and divorce. With this IUI investigation I finally connected the dots that my desire for children does not have to be banished by my single status.

I know plenty of single mothers. Granted they did not choose to be a single parent. The choice was made for them as a reality of life. I told a friend of my thoughts and desire for a child. Her first response was all the financial expenses with a child.  I had to agree. Even though I make a decent salary, I still feel I have a hard time supporting myself. Daycare, Diaper and Milk in my monthly budget as it is would not be possible. Also my profession and it time constraints are an issue. I cannot leave a child in daycare for 12 hours a day. Also living so far from family doesn’t help with single motherhood.

My mom would love for me to come home. I mentioned my thoughts of having a baby by myself. I was waiting for her to tell me to be patient and I would be married.  I was shocked she was cool with the idea. She wants grandchildren in the worst way. I am the only one who can make that happen for her.

Others issues makes the idea of coming home difficult. The housing market makes it impossible to unload this house I bought eight years ago. The only way to get out from under it would be foreclosure. Not a present worry since I’m still employed. It ties my hands for leaving the south.  I could always rent it. That comes with its own set of issues. I have a lot to think about. All these cons do not take away my desire for children. I am 35 and counting. I don’t have many years to come up with a plan.