Meeting in the ladies room!!

I went to a cookout this weekend. It was heavy with females. Only a few males that came with their wives. Slowly the men gravitated outside with their wives and the living room was filled of women. Some married most not. The discussion of men showed up. It so weird how that subject is always on woman‘s mind.  Also how we seek advice from is people in the same boat. I have clear-cut opinions and clearly they did too. I also do not come off like I have the answer for cancer because I am single also.

First off I didn’t know any of these women or their situations. I did know which ones were single and which ones were married. Did I know if they were happily married?  No!!

So everyone is dishing out their opinion of how to catch a man. I wanted to say ladies there is no sure-fire way to catch a man. Or how about anybody can catch a man. It is can you catch a good man or the man for you?

One of the ladies was outside which was the reason I came. I know her personally and she is one of my SMC friends. No one else at the party know how we became friends. This woman understands me. When no one understands where I am coming from I call her. To bitch, complain or just get some understanding.

Well one of these women made a comment about my friend being aggressive. That is not the way to get a man in her opinion. She was outside and not there to defend herself. I am thinking hold up. I have a few friends who are aggressive and straight up BITCH and have husband. So I took this as a personal attack. I am not submissive and could be thought of as aggressive depending on who is judging. I told them they were wrong and sometimes women get tired of the bullshit. So come correct of don’t come at all.

I took it personally because on another occasion a southern bell. That will be her name for the blog purposes. Told me Northerner are to aggressive and if I tone it down I might have a better chance of attracting a man. I let her opinion go and didn’t say anything. I didn’t know this woman very well and didn’t want any unnecessary controversy.

I wanted to ask her where her husband was at and did I miss the wedding. Yes the woman dishing out the I am to aggressive was not married either. I find that interesting. Where the advise comes from. What if it comes from a married person but there is no way in hell you would have went on a date with her husband if he was single. So why would I take advice from her? We don’t have the same taste in men.

As my mother said everyone has an opinion like everyone has an asshole. My mother is big on the one liners. The truth is I have been asked to be married three times. Yes miss aggressive. I didn’t do it because I knew those relationships would have issues and would not last. So if I just wanted a man I can do that. I have done that and have the tee-shirt. So ladies do I want to be happy or do I just want a man? If anyone has read my blog they will no the answer!!! I have 99 problems and a man ain’t one.

I have 99 problems and man ain’t one!!!

Cinderella - Prince Charming & Cinderella

Cinderella - Prince Charming & Cinderella (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I did a little paraphrasing from a rap song. I am sure you get the point. I swear I thought for a long time a man, a partner was going to be a cure to a lot of my issues. I have to say looking back a man has been a big part of my issues.

1) Looking for love in all the wrong places

I can’t expect a man to love me when I don’t love myself. If a man did love me in this state of mind I wouldn’t be in the position to receive his love. I wouldn’t believe I deserve it.

2) Trying to figure out how he feels

We as women spend countless hours trying to make sence of what a man feels, thinks and acts. The truth is we will never truly know. Also they are usually to much of wimps to tell you the truth. There are never going to say I just wanted to have sex with you. I told you everything you wanted to hear to get what I wanted. Or I had a girlfriend/Wife when I met you. Or I am just an asshole who likes to get my way and what you want doesn’t matter. We will never get the truth. At least in most situations I have never gotten the truth.

3) Emotional Drama

I have had many men use me for an emotional punching bag. Especially when his words never mirror his actions. I am hanging on like a puppy for he to give me half of what I put into the relationship.

4) Low Self-Esteem

I know my self-esteem has played a major part of how and why I let men drag me down.When my esteem is high my thoughts are not consumed by the prince charming coming into my life. If I really think about it the I have never really had a prince charming. I have had many randoms a few devils and some that are good friends. Prince charming not even close.

5) I don’t need to be saved

There was a man I was in totally love with. He wasn’t that interest in me because I didn’t need to be saved. He was part of the save a hoe tribe. He liked a hoe he had to save. Single mother struggling to pay her bills. Needed him to pull her up from her tragic life. I never been that girl.  I always handled my business. So pretty much he dropped me for a girl he could save.

6) Who am I without a man

I a valued human being. I might not have a sex life or a male companion to take me out. I have to say my single life does bring me freedom from a lot of drama. Especially the mental drama I put myself through when a male is in my life.

7) My terms

The next man I allow into my life will be on my terms. I refuse to compromise. When I compromise I always except way less than I deserve. Then trying to convince myself the whole time that is okay because he Blah blah. I will not fill in the blanks or make any more excuses for a man not doing what he needs to do to keep me. He will be history immediately. At least that is the plan.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I am getting off the insane bus when it comes to men!!!

Not so High and Mighty

The Cleveland–Loretta Quagmire

I know the past few post makes me seem like the strong independent woman. It took a long time to get to this point. I didn’t go through my dating years with these philosophy. I like most women had self esteem issues. I grew up in a plus size body, with inactive parents. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. It took years of being stepped on. Years of tears. Losing over a hundred pounds and loving myself. Even after all that I would slip back into the foolishness of a man.

I am not different from any woman. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I try my best not to be insane when it comes to a man. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes I fail.

I was talking to a friend. We were discussing a friend of hers who has a cheating husband. I came off like I never been the other woman. I had to think about this and correct myself. There have been times I didn’t know I was the other woman. Those were not my fault. I blame that totally on the lying asshole.

There was one time I knew he was seeing other people. He treated me so well I accepted the arrangement. I was not his girlfriend. We didn’t put labels on it. I also knew the label would have been rejected. He treated me like a princess. We went out all the time. He brought me gifts that made me feel special. I was 23 he was 36.

We were out one night at a party. One of the women in his life was there also. It was not a great scene. The drama began and she was not about to let it go. She asked me how I knew him. At first I had no idea who she was and I answered the questions. Than I thought who the hell is this woman? He walked up and avoided her who was standing in front of me. He asked me what did she say to me. Well that set her off. She started screaming. I was embarrassed we were in the Marriott lounge about to go into the party. I told him to handle his business and I walked away.

Did I mention this woman was 45. He found me about ten minutes later. I said who was that. He said an ex acting crazy. I knew that was a half truth and requested him to buy my drink at the bar.  I didn’t believe his explanation but I was not trying to get into it that night. While standing at the bar this woman comes up to me again.

She starts talking to me. He was with me last week, driving my car paying my bills blah, blah. I turned to her. I am young enough to be her daughter. I said he lied to you. He didn’t lie to me. I think you need to take all this up with him. Well this set her off.

She tried to throw the drink he bought me in his face. I wasn’t going to let that happen. Not that I cared if he got wet. It was my damn drink.

She started screaming at him again. They were both escorted out by security. I never got a real explanation for this woman actions. I continued the relationship with him for another year. Not my finest moments. You live you learn and try not to repeat your mistakes!!!

Paula Dean WHO?

English: Image of Paula Deen taken as part of ...

I had no idea who Paula Dean was until I watched the news. When I say I am not a fan or reality T.V. , cooking show was included. I also do not watch HD TV and any home design shows. When I found out who she was and what she did I was applaud.

Then I read someones else blast this woman also. Everything is about greed and money. I was talking to my aunt and she said everything that woman cooked was drenched in butter, grease and anything fattening she could stick in her recipes. As the man stated in his article a hamburger with a donut in between. She didn’t and would not promote a lighter option. Living in a obesse nation the U.S. Obesity is running crazy in children and adults. I agree with the man blasting her, she was trying to kill people.  She cooked that way and was proud of it period.

Now this woman has type 2 diabetes. They actually reported she had it for a long while. I don’t have a problem if she realized she was wrong. Wanted to rectify her actions and what she has done. She waited until she was endorsed by and by a pharmaceutical company before coming out with her medical issues. The medical issues she put on herself by the way she was cooking and eating.

It is all about money. I am sure this woman could careless about the public. She made her millions killing people with her recipes. Now she is going to make her millions saving them with diabetic drugs.

The man in the article called her two-faced in so many words. I totally agree!! That is are culture. How can I make a buck off people!! Damn SHAME.

Submissive

 
Cover of "The Stepford Wives"

Cover of The Stepford Wives

I had a debate with a man about a woman being submissive to their man. I told him the fact that he even brought that up I am not the woman for him. Submissive will never be something that describes me. We could have hung up the phone at that point. No he felt the need to explain to me what he meant. Then when I told him again that is not me. He went into further description and told me I might not be understanding what he meant.

Clearly he didn’t understand what I was saying and not the reverse. I didn’t need further explanation I am not the woman for you. I let him know I am sure there is another woman who fit what he needs. Granted I never met her but there is someone for everyone I am assuming.

This must be a Georgia issue about submission. I am generalizing but I only get that submissive mess from men born and raised here. Not all of the Georgia men I have met, but the only ones who bring it up are men from here. Or who have been raised here. They also ask, can I cook. It blows my mind. They want all this submission and cooking and cleaning but they want you to work also. Not one of these men wanted a house wife. They wanted to be catered to and you need to bring home a paycheck. My answer to that is a whopping HELL NO!!

Then he said it is in the good book. Did he really think he was going to change my mind with bible references. That just made his case even worse. I wish him the best of luck but I am not the woman for him. So I told him I had to go to bed and hopefully will not hear from that man again.

He has a right to his opinion. The fact that he felt I didn’t have a right to mine was the problem. I am not a genius but I don’t need things explained to me three times. Every explanation of submission did not change my mind at all. He didn’t give any persuasive arguments to help change my mind. He said the same thing over and over again in a different way.

Sounds like he wanted a slave. One of his examples: If we are in mix company and lets say we are talking about politics. If he makes a point I should not go against it. Also if I make a point he should not go against it. We can talk about it later. I told him relationship does not mean we share the same brain. What am I a stepford wife. We can’t have a difference of opinion? A man would have to be on drugs to think I would agree to something like that. I am to vocal and opinionated. I can agree to disagree all day long. I am not going to shut up because I don’t agree with you.

If he is looking for a lap dog then as I told him three times before I got off the phone I am not the woman for you. As a friend said many years ago. Dating is a war and you try to avoid the bombs. She was so wise.

Plan B

It worked out great. I received my movie and had the house all to myself to watch in peace. This is the move for every woman even considering being a single mother by choice needs to watch.

I could relate with every woman in the movie. It is more up to date than And Baby Makes Two. I felt this movie was made in this century LOL. Don’t get me wrong I did enjoy that movie also.

They made it very clear they wanted a man in their lives. He didn’t show up. They were strong and ready to face the world as mothers. Not a woman stranded by a man who left them or a husband death or divorce.  They were women ready to make the choice to be mothers.

I also enjoyed the three-year update at the end. One woman ended up having two children. She had included her future husband in a family picture. The caption read he will be adopting the children. That was beyond beautiful to me.

This is not plan A. It is plan B. The judgement from others are un warranted. 50% of marriages end in divorce. So we can not assume even with the best intentions your children will have both parents.

I was talking to boyfriend last night. I said what if I was pregnant and needed to move back home. He said “you will have to do what you have to do.” Not the answer I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear I want a family. I wouldn’t want you to go. Ok reality check. If I really wanted to go home, would I want him to stop me. Probably not.

I still have this fictional fantasy of how things should be. Those god damn fairy tales. They have only hurt me in my life. Living in a dream world. I know if boyfriend and I don’t make it. If children are not produced from this relationship. I am ready to make the leap by myself. I have to make my happiness. Not wait for someone to give it to me. Or prince charming to save me.

Such a reality check. No husband does not equal pathetic life. Now with technology it also does not equal spinster with cats. I can have what I want. Thank you technology!!! With these medical advances and men willing to give their genetic material at a price, I don’t have to be a victim of circumstance.

It is so empowering I am beyond words.