I couldn’t wait until five pm today. I was so mentally done with work. I have been eating again. I swear I need to stop. I been feeling twinges and my nipples have been hard. I don’t want to get to excited.
I do have a date with someone I met online. Something doesn’t feel right about this guy. We will see how it goes. I am not optimistic. I have been looking online for a sensitive pregnancy test. I know I should wait but patience is not my biggest strong suit. The work week has been stressful because I been disinterested in work.
I cried to a friend about my desire for babies. I feel so cursed sometimes. I know it irrational and I am very blessed. I want this more than anything I ever wanted in my life. I took a deep tour through my life. I haven’t had a desire and want so deep. It is hard to explain the need for motherhood. The switched was flipped and I am ready to open that door.
I am going to work on being positive and stop all my negative behaviors.
Through my sickness and possible layoff a master plan emerged. For all of you who have been following my blog I have felt hopeless in my TTC journey. Finally a blink of light has opened up.
My upside down house I have always felt has been my biggest issue to my having a baby. Well I might have found a way to unload it. I should have listen when my cousin did this two years ago. I swear I have a hard head. She told me I should and if I had paid attention I would have been ahead of the game. I am going to start off with sorry cuz I will listen from now on.
A short sale might be my saving grace. I don’t know all the ends and outs. My neighbor and I will be meeting with another cousins friend who deals with real estate this weekend. Pray that this is the solution!! So the original plan was to rent my townhouse instead of waiting for a layoff. Then stay with some friends. Pay them rent money. Which they would appreciate being the are also held hostage by the economy.
I called my cousin friend/real estate person. He told me I would get a little over the mortgage to rent the place. I told him hell no it wouldn’t even cover his fee. I would be losing money. Then he mentioned a short sale. I was all ears. I am meeting him this weekend so he can go over any questions I have. He was out-of-town when I called.
I told my neighbor he is ready to jump on the bandwagon also. So we are both meeting him this weekend. The rest of the plan is to move in with a friend and save money. Also to send money home to do the needed work on my mother’s house. Yes at the end of this process I will be moving back to Massachusetts. My friends from home are happy. My friends from Georgia not so happy.
It is a hard choice but it must be made. The best part is my closest friend from home is a nurse. I forgot that because that is not what she does fulltime presently. She is a RN and she mentioned she could do my insemination for free at her house. I thought hot damn I hit pay dirt!!! I need to get of the modesty of her seeing the goods. Which she did see before when I was 13 showing me how to use a tampon. She is a hands on type of friends.
I know I need a doctor to sign off on the home deliver of sperm. Hopefully I can take care of that before I leave Georgia. Now this plan is months out but at least I feel like finally I can have what I want. Children!!!
I might do a few insemination before leaving Georgia. Not sure of the logistics. I know a lot is riding on this meeting this weekend. Pray for me!!! I really need it!!! Finally I have some hope!!