Deleted from my Life

I went through my phone and yahoo buddy list and started pressing delete. The phone is not a big deal. If I don’t remember you, or I haven’t talked to you in a long time. I pressed delete.

My Yahoo buddy list is a different story.  I have had these people on this list for years. I always went back to my old friends I met at some point in my life. I know it sounds crazy but I have some very long internet relationships. No I haven’t met these people. They are just online at three am  or whenever to chat when I need a friend. I guess a fake friend.

I started going through my yahoo buddy list and realize I have used the sleath setting to be permanently offline for a lot of people. If you piss me off which happens often. I don’t want you to know when I am online. Usually men looking for sex or just being rude get this setting.

I also deleted my casual encounter person. This is an eight year relationship over. I am morning it some what. I need to focus on new in my life. Not going back to old for random reasons. That situation will never be the kind of relationship I desire. So I put an end to it. I deleted his phone number, email address and yahoo IM screen name. I know me I always go back when things are going bad.

I am a new woman. I need to respect my future and its blessings. No more resurrecting the past. The past is over, the future you can’t predict. I need to live in the present. I told my friend yesterday. If  money came into my world tomorrow. Which I could take care of my debt and afford the sperm donor I picked out. Yes lady’s I have no money but already picked out my number. Hey you have to think positive. I would have my two kids. Yes I said two. Then I would consider dating after my youngest is about two.

I been say my prosperity fast every day. It could be coming my way. Stay tuned.

Friday Depression

Well I am no longer in a relationship. He broke up with me via text message. No I am not making this up. He is so sorry that he couldn’t even face me on the phone. Then they wonder why we want to have children by ourselves. We had a text message battle on Friday. Yes I did mention he was a punk to do this via text message. I swear I hate this man. I only had few situations in my life where I experienced hate. This is one I can add to the list. Fuck him and I am glad I know what type of person he is now. He is just sorry in my book. If he came to me like a man and discussed this with me. I would be upset but would have had to accept it. No he couldn’t do that. So I hate him. He better never contact me again. I know he feels bad. I got text message at 12am asking if I was asleep. I just looked at my phone and thought seriously.

What is killing me about this is we have known each other for ten years. We have been friends longer than anything else. Well I decided not to dwell. My girl and I are going bowling and play pool. I am still in a bad place. I am going out with my girl who is less pressure. Not worrying about men at all. I have been asked on a few dates. Yeah I know  I work quick. Well I jumped on my Yahoo IM and started talking to folks I haven’t talked to in months. I got three offers of sperm for my baby journey.

It is funny how men are offering me their seed. One offered and I was beyond shocked. I thought he loved the bachelor life. He said he wasn’t getting any younger and didn’t have kids. He is sexy also. He is another long story from my past. Well actually not a long story but a story I need to keep to myself.  Our relationship was not the brightest moment in my history. Case closed on that LOL. I have to regroup and think about my next step. I decided I am jumping back into dating. I am going to save for my possible sperm purchase. I told a friend from home if a lump some of money comes into my life. I am going straight to getting pregnant and not worry about bullshit relationships. Right now I am going to have to save for that.

Either way god is on my side. I am going to keep taking my supplements for egg quality and move forward. One guy I lusted after years ago. He was so my type. I will not go into why we never got together. Well he is retired from the military and already has children. I told him he could father my children and give me the medical insurance for my babies through the military and we would be even. We had a big laugh on that one. LOL I am crazy!! I know it. If you can’t laugh at yourself then you are taking life to seriously.

It will all work out.