I meet this guy online. Meet is actually too much of a word. He sent me a greeting and I was instantly impressed. He lived in a town that is great. He was 6’6 handsome black man. He seemed to own his own company and owned property. He looked good on paper. So we were emailing through the site for a few minutes. I was in my car for my lunch break. I sent him my phone number and told him to call I had 30 min.
He sent me a text which pisses me off. I say call and you send a text. So I was already not feeling him. Then we converse via text for a few minutes and he mentions he lives in another town. I said I thought you lived in X place. Oh, that was my location when I put up the ad. I thought he uses to live in that town. Ok, no biggie. Then he said he only been on the website for four days.
I am like damn is this guy lying in ten texts. With all this back and forth he called me. Then he tells me he was at his friends’ house when he put up the ad. Then the asshole comes out with, I don’t know why I had to explain that it was pretty clear.
WTF!!! If it was clear I wouldn’t have been confused. Why do you stress over little things? I said people lie online and if you lie about stupid shit you will lie about anything. Well, people lie in person he states. I counter with I would call you on that in person also.
Then he went back to discuss how I should have gotten the location part of his ad. I let him know people usually put their ad where they live not the location they are setting up the ad. He started to argue me down.
I said are you one of those people that has to be RIGHT!!! Why are we still talking about this? Well, I need someone who is quick. I immediately said are you calling me slow. No, you are NOT LISTENING, he gets irritated.
My ass listens very well and it was clear he was a condensing asshole with some control issues. I said so you are the dude if you hurt my feelings you don’t apologize you just say I didn’t understand what you are saying. Well, people need to listen he said. I told his ass, I have no interest in talking to him later. He said you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to and you have a good day.
All I can say is WOW!!! He got the wrong bitch!! The day I let some man demine me especially over some bullshit is the day hell freeze over!!
Ava was scratching her head. I assumed she did it out of frustration. My mother told me to wash her hair. Even though I didn’t think that was the reason. Because she can’t confirm my thoughts. I washed her hair on a weekday. Which was a big production. She wasn’t that accommodating which made the whole thing difficult. Then I braided it up and she actually was asleep before 10pm. Now it isn’t 11:30pm and I am up writing a blog. Which I should be asleep. I need to feel like I have a life. Other than work and being a mother.
I suggested a guy at my job had a child. He is over 50 with no children. I told him he needed a baby mama. Trying to find a mate is too difficult. Of course, I was making a joke. He thought it was funny. I would love someone to be on the same page as me and co-parent a child. How the hell do you have that conversation. I was telling a friend what I said. She said don’t say that to him could be a Human Resource issue. I am pretty bold but I could not fix my face to say that to someone I work with.
Still keeping hope alive that second baby will come before I get too old.
I am lacking people in my life who knows me. Not acquaintances but those friends that understand me. I miss my girls in the ATL. I do keep in touch on the phone.
If I was there I would say let’s have a girls night out. Not to be mistaken with let’s go out to meet men. There is a lot of men searching in Atlanta. Which is hard in many situations. You go to a club and there are three times as many women there then men. I would love a man in my life. Regular sex and adult time and coversation. I am very spetical of any man being around my nonverbal child.
I don’t how I will be trusting in that situation. I will have to work through it. Eventually, I need to find a mate. Or at least someone willing to help me with baby #2. That would be nice.
So I added insult to injury and joined another dating site. I clearly have no memories of the men I meet online. I started talking to this guy. I had deja vu and felt this shit sounds familiar. Then I asked a few follow up questions. Yes, I had met him before on another site. We never actually met and clearly, we didn’t vibe. So I have to say I am not interested. Which shit is the internet, radio silence works for me.
How the hell have I been online since the 90’s. Why did it seem like better quality over 10 years ago. I think the fact you can get online with your cell phone makes the pickings for quality very hard.
Plus the sites I use to love back in the day don’t exist. Since I have no social life and other than the few compliments I have gotten on the street. I haven’t really dated since the plumber.
When I get home until it is time to go to bed. I swear feels like 20 min. I get off work. It takes an hour or less to get home. Now I stick Ava on the Potty. While I make one of her three choices for dinner. Mac and Cheese, Grilled Cheese sandwich or pancakes. Then I give her a bath. Which I do fairly quickly. She on the other hands wishes she could stay in the tub forever. So after I drag her out, I look to see if her hair could last another day. Or will I let it go even though it looks like crap?
Either I take the time to do her hair. Or leave it for another day. Then I give her the tablet. Which she pretty much had all night by this point. Then if my mother is in a good mood. She watches her or more like they hang out. Ava loves her Nana. She is always in her room and in her bed with her. They are very close. So when they are hanging out I take a shower. Usually a long very hot shower. To wash all the bad thoughts and the long day off my body. I wash my hair and my face and feel fresh and new.
Then I moisturize. Get my clothes and Ava clothes together for the next day. Sometimes I really should iron Ava’s clothes but that depends on my mood. Then I try to get her to go to bed by 9:30pm. She fights me every night. Laughing, jumping wanting to sit on my lap and cuddle. Anything to fight the sleep. Then I watch TV, work on my vlog, blog or do an adult coloring book.
My life feels like it goes in a flash, one night at a time.
I have been in Boston for three years. I don’t have many friends here. It can be very lonely. Which is strange because I am an introvert and don’t mind being by myself. I do have a new friend. The other autism mom I met. I swear I talk to her several times a week. I so miss my girls from Atlanta. I didn’t even see them a lot when I lived there. It was something about always having the option.
I was at work, walking from the convenience store with a co-worker. When I saw him. Driving a very expensive Mercedes truck, looking as sexy as he did in college. Yes, my college crush was sitting in a car out front of my job. He waved to me and of course, I was all in his face like how are you doing. He was on the phone, I walked into work. Ten minutes later he called me and I went outside to chat.
We really went friends in college. We remained friends for years after and use to talk a lot at times then go radio silent when our lives got busy.
It was like old times with his big smile. He is still a complete dog, and I thank god I was not one of his victims. I told him he needed to find me a man that wanted a kid and had some money. I was halfway kidding. He said he would find me someone for sure.
I had a flashback to when I asked him why he wasn’t interested in me in college. He stated he thought of women as a piece of ass and he had to much respect for me. Which I did see it as a compliment.
I told him about Ava autism. He said another mutual friend of ours son has autism. He called him. He moved to Canada years ago. He immediately started speaking French. They are sons of immigrants. Then I told him about Ava autism. He told me his son had a condition that has 250 people in the world has. He doesn’t walk or talk. I immediatley felt so bad for my friend. The friend I haven’t seen over 20 year ago. We all so care free in college. Then we have children that we can’t fix. That we can’t take there issues away. I am sure we both would give anything to make that happen.
Ava has been killing it at school. She has been doing good at home also. I don’t have the time when she gets home for her to sit on the potty all night. I am not sure how they are going to get her to request to use the bathroom. The school said that would be the hard part. I wanted to say you are the professionals haven’t you been through this before. I kept my mouth shut.
It is not like I had the alternative answer to how to make her do it. So there was no need for me to be a bitch about it. I feel like if she talked this would all be easy. It is nice to dream. She doesn’t talk and the shit is hard as hell.
On Sunday I got her to pee on the potty about five times. I consider that success on mommy part. I will be so happy when she is totally potty trained. I am sick of changing shitty diapers.
I started a lipstick challenge on my Instagram. I am notorious for not taking care of myself. Not putting in any effort into my appearance. Now I will not turn skinny overnight. I can make an effort. I have so much makeup that I don’t use at all. Especially lipstick.
It is like I am hoarding makeup. Granted some of it is very cheap. Beauty supply store makeup. I started to think why do I have this shit. I should throw it all away. Then I decided I was going to try and put lipstick on every day.
To show me and others that I give a damn about myself. I can get drowned out in the cycle of life. Not even thinking of myself at all. Doing all the usual crap. Work, dinner, shower, sleep repeat.
We will see if I stick to it. Sticking to things is not my strong suit. If I miss a day that is cool. I am going to put in my best effort to show that I am worth the time to put on lipstick.