Not expecting that!!

Ava and I went to the speech therapist evaluation. She gave me some tips I could do at home. She also said she will see Ava until she starts school in September. Then I should let the school take over. I was a little taken aback by that response. I wanted open-ended speech appointments. She feels I should give the school system a change. I will take her advice. If they fall short I will be all over getting outside help.

I want the best for my daughter. Now driving all over town to get therapy is not my first choice of fun. She said more and more therapy isn’t the answer. I should make appointments with her speech therapist when she starts school. Work together for Ava success.

So she will see her once a week until September. I got the time I needed so I wouldn’t have to miss any work.

My baby will be three very soon. I am in shock how much time has flown by. Time stands still for no one.

Found my Deodorant

My life is chaos. I don’t live in a big place. Nothing about Boston homes screams spacious. Between my cat who jumps on my dresser and pushing thing off. To my child who gets on her tippy toes to grab things off my dresser. I didn’t know where my deodorant was for a solid week. I am not a sweaty person. So not a big deal. I thought to myself Secret says they are so good you can skip a day.

I have been putting deodorant on after my nightly shower since I was 12. So five days in I started to look for it. If I couldn’t find it, I was going to break down and buy another one on the way home. Someone thinking I was funky or have hygiene issues would modify me.

After 30 min of looking. I found it, way under my bed. I have no idea if it was the cat or my daughter. I guess at this point it doesn’t matter. I finally got to put some on tonight. I do feel fresher.

Life has been busy with things I had to follow up on. I am trying to be a dutiful mother.  Which can be hard when you haven’t had enough sleep. Then a long day of work. In that situation that happens too often for my taste. She tends to watch too much T.V.

Life goes on and I do my best. That is all I can do.


Ava will be three soon. I am running around to find services through my health insurance. Which might be totally covered by my state. Pray for me on that one. It would help greatly financially if Ava is approved.

I talked to our possible speech therapist. We are on the waiting list for the time that works with our schedule. They said we didn’t have to come for the evaluation if I sent in the IEP.  There is an email system through my clinic that makes it easy to communicate with the doctors. Will the universe must have been on my side.

The speech therapist called me because she incorrectly sent me a note through the email system.  I took that opportunity to ask how much success she has had with autistic children talking.

She said to come to that canceled appointment so we can talk. She can’t tell me what to do without meeting Ava. Then she asked me if her present speech therapist given me homework. I said excuse me what?? She said we will discuss it during the appointment. She has several techniques to work on with Ava daily. I was so excited. I am ready for things I can do to help my baby talk. I am ready for her to talk my ear off.

I wish I knew about these techniques before. I was beating myself up for a few minutes that I should have found an outside speech therapist before now.  Then I came back to reality. When the hell would I have fit that in. She has a packed schedule of therapists.  Mommy guilt is real!!!!

Something for myself!

I have some money in the bank. I was thinking of treating myself. That is so hard for me to do. I have no idea why. I go to work every day. I am always in the world of adulting. Thinking of my responsibilities have always been a big part of my life.
I still have a sizable debt. I have been doing great to lower it.
I wanted a new camera for my youtube channel. Then I talk myself out of it. I don’t have a big audience. I haven’t made as much money as I am investing into youtube.
Then I started to think. It is very nice to have people watch my video and comment. The truth is I like doing youtube regardless of my subscribers. If I didn’t I really wouldn’t have gotten this far with it.
Then I want a new computer. My computer has Vista on it. That shows you how old it is. Then I think there is nothing wrong with the computer. It works fine. I don’t do much on it really. How much is a new computer needed? It is hard for me just to buy these things because I want them. There is no real need for either thing.
There hasn’t been something I wanted so bad in a long time. Other than my baby. That was the last thing and only thing for a substantial part of my life that I wanted in a bad way.
I am not very materialistic. I am not into clothes. I wish I did my makeup more often. I have a lot of it. I just don’t have the time in the morning. I am so low maintenance. I recently went to the nail salon. My toes and nails look wonderful. I should do that more often. The problem is I can’t take Ava with me. She would not do well with me indisposed. She is not the sit their type of child. I didn’t want to ask my mother. She watches her so much. I broke down and asked her when my toenails were catching on my sheets. Yes so embarrassing. They were long just jagged for whatever reason.

She is so picky!!

Ava does not have a variety of food that she eats. Not to mention I am not cook of the year. It is so frustrating that she will put random things in her mouth. When I offer her something different from her limited menu she acts like I am trying to kill her. She gives me the stank bitch face. If she could talk I feel she would be saying bitch you can’t be serious. I am not eating that.
I push it in her mouth to give it a try. I am not going to feed her something she really doesn’t want. If she never tastes it she won’t know if she likes it.
Now we are at the point if it is something she likes she will feed herself. If it’s something not on her list of likes, I have to feed it to her. So a few days ago, I got her to eat salmon and mash potatoes. I covered the salmon in the potatoes to achieve this success. She had me chasing her around the house with the food. Surprisingly she opened her mouth. Not how I wanted it to go, but shit I will take that.
I decided she will eat the school food. I want to see if they can get her to eat other things. I will send snacks that she likes if she totally refuses. I know most 2 years old are picky eaters. I also know this has a lot to do with autism.
They say there is a lot of adjustment being an autism mom. I can’t say I really have to adjust, being that she is my only child and the diagnoses have been with us for over a year.
I still have high hopes for my baby. No one is telling me she won’t succeed. The general answer is I DON’T KNOW. Which is an answer I hate? Tell me she is going to be perfect. Lie to me!!!
OK, I really don’t want to be lied to. Sometimes I wouldn’t mind a lie or two. 🙂

I am so slow

Part of this is being my own worst critic. I don’t care about my grammar or how I come off on my blog. My blog is the diary of my life. So I just let it come out. I recently started checking the grammar with a grammar plugin. So I hope my words read better. To be honest I use to spit out my feeling and keep in moving. It has been very therapeutic to share my world in this manner.
So my book is going slow as hell. I am in the process of editing and I feel like I am falling short. Not in the editing in my thought of how the book is coming off to the reader. I start and I like how it reads to me. How others will like it not so sure. I would love to be a top author, the truth is I write because I enjoy it. So I guess I should stop worrying.
God has shocked me in so many parts of my life. I never know where this book will take me. I am putting my money where my mouth is. I am paying for someone to edit the book after I am done.
I decided I will publish through Kindle publishing. I have so much research I want to do on many topics. I have no time. That is the one major issue in my life. TIME, TIME, TIME.
I feel like I wasted so much time when I was a single person with no kids. I did so many things at my leisure and didn’t put my heart in soul into them.
Since Ava was born I tend to put my heart and soul into everything I do.

Big Little Lies (REVIEW)


HBO has done it again. I have been staring at my TV every Sunday night. An all-star cast Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Shailene Woodley being the main characters. Basically, they are keeping horrible secrets. Reese’s being the least horrible. The presentation of the book was great.
It reminds me of one of my favorite movie The Usual Suspects. The piece fits together at the very end.
I shouldn’t expect anything less from my beloved HBO. It was hard to see Nicole Kidman play her role. She was very weak and meek. I didn’t totally believe her character. That she would put up with what was happening to her. She didn’t pull it off like Farrah Fawcett in The Burning Bed. If you don’t understand my reference The Burning Bed is a classic that must be seen.
Now Reese playing the resident bitch was the perfect role for her. I believed every word that came out her mouth.
Shailene was ok, granted I know the other two catalog of work from years of watching Resse and Nicole. I did watch the Divergent movies. Which was supposed to be Shailene come out the role? I wasn’t really impressed. In this, series she played a wounded Bird desperate for revenge.
Now  I was shocked to see Alex Skarsgard. The evil vampire from True Blood. He was evil on that series and evil as hell on this one.  I couldn’t stop hating him then I was feeling sorry for him.
The come out star was Zoe Kravitz.
She looked like her mother twin. I thought I was in a time warp watching her mother on A Different world. Now she plays the Bohemium second wife. She had that role on Lock. I wonder if it got a little awkward we know her father use to date, Nicole Kidman. We all know her dad was going through a long list of the A-list elite. I really can’t hate on him her daddy is gorgeous!!!
If you have some time to kill. This series is worth your time.

IEP Meeting

This shit was hard. Early intervention told me they will come from a position of Ava strength. Even though I am well aware of my child issues. Some parents are not. They do not do well with people telling them all their children’s issues.
I thought to myself yes I know where Ava is at. I don’t want to hear a group of people running down my child either.
So there were ten of us in a small room. My advocate was there. He did ask some very good questions. I feel he didn’t change the outcome of the appointment. He did make me feel more at ease. I also felt the coordinator did come at me in a better way. I don’t know if she was having a good day. Or because I had my advocate put everyone on guard that I wasn’t playing.
SO I rejected the preschool. It is so late in the year they wanted to give my baby the ghetto school. My answer hell no. So she will not be starting school after she is three. It is easy to reject and be put back on the list. Then I am at the top of the list. If I took the preschool and requested a transfer I would be at the bottom of the list.
So she will start the summer program in July. Then her Preschool in September. I am praying I get the Preschool my new friend has. I met her on an autism website. She is my rock and I feel if we are in the same preschool. We will be a force to be reckoned with.
I went to a white school growing up. In a very white town. I noticed those parents banned together and got shit done. That is my plan if I can get Ava in that Preschool. Then our daughter will be in school together for two years.
Back to the IEP. So they only gave her two half an hour speech therapy and three hours of ABA. She will be in an ABA preschool.
So I disagreed with the hours for speech and ABA. I will have the reject those. They advised me to reject them and ask to revisit the issue after she is in preschool for a few months.
They did have a lot of good things to say about my baby. We were in the meeting for a good hour and a half. It was only an hour appointment. I had a lot of questions. I hate this process. I wish my baby didn’t have these struggles. All this is making me know my devotion to my child.
I will fight every battle and be there for every success. I don’t expect the school to do everything. I am on the waiting list for outside Aba and the time I need for speech therapy.
I am going to do everything in my power for my baby success.

Advocate Help!!

I have been in contact with my educational advocate. He had me write up my expectation for Ava IEP. I let him look at it first. He gave me a few corrections. Then I emailed it to everyone involved.
It was a very good suggestion. They will know what I want and can argue about it in the meeting. If they disagree.
I am hoping it all goes smoothly. I have to finish paying him for his services. Which so far seems very worth it. I had a lot going on at work today. I really need to make some calls and handle some business at lunch.
I have been so tired I took a nap in my car. I enjoy the naps until I have to get up and go back to work.
Ava has been going to bed late and waiting up early as hell. I wish I could finally feel like I am rested. I am always in a state of tired. Which is not helping me accomplish my other projects. God help me get enough sleep.