Transporation Drama

I took Ava first day of school/medical ABA. The transportation went smoothly. Then they sent us a new woman driver the next day. She was half an hour late to pick up Ava. They are having issues getting a female monitor. They have one in the morning. They seem to be coming back in the evening without one.

Now my new thing is that my child is safe. I don’t want to nit pick. They need to be on time. So on Day three late again. On day two the car seat I had for Ava wasn’t the greatest. She was climbing out of it while she was driving. This is where a monitor would have come in handy. Thank god the other little girl’s mom let the driver use her daughter’s car seat to get Ava home safely.

I thought all this was stressful as hell. I was going to go to Baby R Us and get another car seat with a harness. When I dropped off the car seat back to the mother who let Ava use it. She suggested I use the expensive car seat I have in my car until I get another one. I thought was a good idea because I really didn’t feel like looking for a car seat. I worked all day and tired as hell.

That car seat has not been moved in two years. Can I tell you it weighs a ton? So I was going to have my elderly mom carry that heavy ass car seat. Then the driver couldn’t figure out how to use it properly. They were 40 min late.

I went to Baby R Us on my lunch break and bought a new car seat. I also called the owner of the transportation company and complained. I hope everything works better. Three days in and all this foolishness.

Saving my dollars!!


This insurance for Ava school (ABA Program) I am calling it school. All this has been some bullshit. So I am sitting in parent orientation and they mention my cost would be 30.00 a day. My faced dropped. I told her I talked to that lady that name started with  J. Yeah I had no idea what her name was. She said it would be 20.00 a day. I also have that secondary insurance which the autism center is in the final stages of being in network with. Then my charge would be zero.

Well, I called your insurance company and they said 30.00. Well, can you check again I stressed? Now I will go into debt for my baby. If it will get her to talk I will do whatever it is I have to. But that lady told me 20.00 and messing my money is like messing with my emotions.  I will call now and email you what I find out. My mother and I picked up some food after the orientation. I checked my email and she said it was 30.00

I got home and found that lady email and went the hell off. You told me 20.00, where did this extra 10 come from. That is my problem with your insurance company the miss information. She wrote me back it will be 20.00 and cc the woman from the autism center.

Then the autism center emailed back I just called and your company is saying 30. It was a hot mess. It was clear I was getting upset and I told the lady at my insurance company what the hell is the price. Now she knows not to play with me. She called me and said it is 20, but for me, she will lower to 10.00. I was quiet as hell.

Can you email that as proof of this conversation. She said yes, which she did and I have no more words but GOD IS GOOD!!!!

First Day of School

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This is the picture of Ava finishing her yogurt before she gets on the bus to school. My mother already cried twice. My anxiety is very high. This is the first time this child has been out of family eyes.

Everything went great. Another mother and I got our daughters to ride together. We don’t live far from each other. I have been calling all day checking on my baby. My friend who physically picks up her daughter said she saw Ava. Ava didn’t have a care in the world and was having a great time. I can’t wait to see her progress.

City Living Sucks

There is a house on my street that doesn’t mind making all other neighbors mad. They have parties which I could give a shit about. They will have a DJ and the music is blaring so loud you can hear it all the way down the street. This house is 8-10 houses away from me. I don’t think they own the house. So hopefully eventually their ass will move.

On the fourth of July, they had fireworks going for four hours. In the middle of the street. Cars had to go around there set up. They didn’t end the bullshit until close to 1 am. I had to go to work the next day. I have called the cops on them several times. When I get through I find out half the neighborhood calls the cops on them.

I don’t see the cops coming over here in a timely fashion. I might have to report this bullshit to the mayor office. I can’t believe people can be so rude. Don’t care who they are bothering. I am all for a good time, but damn!!!

250 pounds

I am finally looking at myself and this weight. I will continue to do Weight watchers for the fellowship. I am finally looking at my bullshit ass in the mirror and getting it together. I have followed my low carb, low-fat diet with intermitting fasting. My goal is 165. A lot of people think that is the thin side for me. I don’t care. I am shaped like a WNBA player. No real big curves. When I lose weight the boobs go also. I am sick of being the frumpy depressed mom. I need to get my sexy back. My fun back. My social life needs to be given life.

My book progress is going great. I am enjoying the process. I will show before and after photos once my goal is completed. I am feeling good about this journey. So for today, I am good. I am not sure what the hell will happen tomorrow.

Mommy FAIL!!!

We went to speech therapy today. A weekly appointment I am not loving but have to do. This is her only constant until I get her into the Autism Center. The place we go is a Medical Center. It is called Harvard Vanguard. I like the one stop shop. Everything under one roof. We sometimes have to go to different centers depending on availability. So this center isn’t where Ava pediatrician is located. Where there is ample parking. This center is in the middle of Fenway. If you know anything about Boston that is where the Red Sox play Fenway Park. So they have a parking garage.

When you go upstairs you have to get your tickets validated. It is six bucks, which I can’t complain about. Originally you could pay your six bucks at the receptionist desk. They made a change and now you have to pay with a credit card or cash after you get out the elevator on the floor your car is located.

Now Ava is not the sit there and waits for mommy type of kid. So this damn machine has been a challenge every damn time we go to this place. It doesn’t want to take my credit card. The cash spits back out. It is fine when we are there by ourselves. It gets hectic when people are waiting or there are people trying to get on the elevator. My #Autismmom sensors are up like where is my kid.

So I have my purse, Ava diaper bag with all her stuff we need to roll with. Then this bullshit ass machine doesn’t want to take my credit card. Now that all the credit card companies have rolled out the chip on the front of these cards. This is an issue with this stupid machine. I had no cash. I looked for another card. Well while I am doing this, a white guy. Things went so fast I have no other description except he was white. Open the door for my daughter to walk into the parking garage. My heart jumped out of my chest. Why the fuck would you open a door for a three-year-old. This dude wasn’t even going out the door. I have no idea what his motivation was. My focus was my daughter’s safety. She will go for an exit in a minute. She has no concept of danger which scares the hell out of me.

So the machine was spitting out my parking card as I chased down Ava going out the door. Do you think this mother fucker said sorry? Nope didn’t give a shit that I was about to have a breakdown. I got her barely before she rooming in this parking garage with cars flying by. The Latino people behind me got my card out the machine and handed it to me. I was very grateful. Still, fluster my goal was getting my child in her car seat where I felt she would be safe.

I put her in the car seat and now I can’t find the parking ticket they handed to me. I went through my purse her bag everything is now on the floor of my car. I left her in the car seat rolled down the windows and retraced my steps to find it. The ticket was in the middle of the road.

I got back to my car and tears started coming down my face. What the FUCK can I do this? I am a horrible mother. How could I let this shit happen.? What would happen if I had another baby? I was beating myself up. What type of mother and I.

This happened a few days ago. I still feel like shit. God help me. #AutismMOM

Insurance Co Battle.

wrong answer

I have been waiting for the approval for the autism center. I really thought they were going to deny it and I would have to appeal. Little did I know it was sitting on someone desk. I was sooo fucking pissed steam was coming out of my ears.

My baby doesn’t have services because of paperwork. I called and some chick on the other end told me it could take eight weeks. Wrong answer!!. Every time I called this company I got a bunch of complaints and excuses. They were fucking with the wrong BITCH they didn’t know it yet. you don't know me

I reported them to the Massachusetts insurance commission. I told the eight-week chick and all of sudden she wants to contact another department to help me. I wanted to say wait a minute before I said that your ass was telling me it wasn’t’ your department. I got off the phone with her ready to fight.

I couldn’t let this bullshit stand. I comb the internet and found an email address to one of their VP’s.

I wrote a long email about their company was obstructionist. (Yes using the Trump words LOL) She wrote me back in minutes and said she was making calls. Within hours the operations coordinator was calling me. That contract that was supposed to take eight weeks took hours.

You would think the fight ended there. No, it just started. I reported them to the company that holds my health insurance policy. This opstructionist is a subcontractor. They told me the autism center could start treating my daughter there is an approval. They would not do that because this company is notorious for not paying the rates required. I told them my daughter is not going to start somewhere and you end up not working out these rates and she has to leave.

All my emails subject. Autistic 3-year-old denied Services. So the Autism Center was right they wanted to pay 13 bucks an hour. They pay more at Mcdonalds. I was pissed and was not playing any longer. I told them I would contact the Attorney General and  I link the article where a company lost a case for restricting autism services. My last line was LET ME MAKE MYSELF CLEAR, I will contact channel five news and talk to anyone who will listen. They approved the rates that were necessary for my daughter to get into the autism center. Why did I have to do all that bullshit? I know there are other families that wouldn’t have fought as hard. I hope this company will think twice about doing this to another family. My daughter is in but doesn’t start for another month. Which pisses me off. They need more staff. If they approved it, in the beginning, she would already be there. God is teaching me patience.

Still fucking waiting!!


I am trying not to stress, but my ass is going crazy. I still haven not heard from the autism center. I am so ready for this to happen. I am trying to think no news is good news. But my mind is spinning.

I have asked everyone to pray for me. I know God is teaching me, patients. I am having a real hard time waiting and begging the universe to put her in this program. My friend yesterday told me three times you are a good mom. I don’t feel like a good mom. I feel average at best.

Death Bothering me!!

When I went to the wake of a young mother. I consider 47 young. I can’t get her out of my mind. A friend since the third grade. We will call her Jessica. I met her when I was eight and she was nine. We weren’t always very close. We have gotten very close in our old age. I talk to her a few times a week.

We are both dealing with autistic children. She is very easy going and I love that about her personality. Knowing this her brother was always there. He is two years older and we all went to the same school.

Her brother and his friend had jokes for my weight issues. Which use to drive me crazy. The main asshole which was her brother friend died many years ago of a drug overdose. When I heard that I thought damn no one knows what is going to happen in life.

So I see Jessica brother and his family at Jessica children birthday parties. I just saw his wife a few months back. She wasn’t’ looking good at all. He told me she was dying. How do you deal with that information??

When she died I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I couldn’t get him and his child out of my mind. I remember having a crush on him and another friends brother. Neither ever looked at me twice.

My friend said she would mind being her sister-in-law. I thought was so sweet. My life doesn’t fit together that easily. Her brother has a lot of healing going on. How he is going to deal with life as a single father. I pray for him and his new journey. My heart is heavy for his loss. I gave him a long strong hug when I was at the wake. She looked good in the casket. Not the sick woman I saw a few months ago. I pray she is in a painless place of peace. Watching over her son from above. She left him way to early.