Productivity sucks!!!

Last weekend, I got nothing done. I had to go do my father taxes. I knew he wasn’t going to be able to do it himself when he was stuck on username on Turbo Tax. I love seeing my dad. I don’t really see him enough actually. So Ava and I did that. Then I went to Walmart.
I was home by five pm cook Ava pancakes for dinner. I got a few things accomplished. When it turned 9 pm and this child of mine refuses to go to sleep. I walked her back to her bed a good 15 times. She keeps getting up and standing right next to me. She thinks it is all a game. I am getting frustrated and irritated. I am tired due to her waking up at 4:45 am that morning.
I have so much I want to accomplish. I am going to stop bitching about it and just get the shit done. Sometimes I wish I had a nanny that could come in once every two weeks just to let me catch up on sleep. I feel so sleep deprived. She is almost 3 years old. I had no idea this lack of sleep crap would last this long.
On a brighter note, I bought all of her summer/spring clothes. So I am pretty much done there. Now I need to buy her presents for her birthday that is around the corner.
She has been doing great with her ABA. I am going to miss these women. Once she turns 3 all the white women in and out my house all week will be gone. They did my family such a service. I could never repay them.
I have heard of people getting awful people from early intervention. I have to say I am blessed. All of them were nice and helpful. Even on the days Ava was a brat or having issues.
I wish they got her to say a word. I am still praying for those words. They did get her to do a lot of things closer to her age range. Progress, not perfection. When I started this Single mother by choice mission I had no thought of having a disabled child. God doesn’t’ give you more than you can handle. I swear he test me everyday!!!

Getting Close to completing my book!!!

I will let you guys know when my book will be published. It will be published under a pen name. I am trying to create a social media presence under my pen name. It is not the easiet thing to do. Especially when you don’t really have time. As my life time is not close to something I have.
Baby girl got a new toy. The ABA therapist had this toy she loved. It actually is not made anymore. So I had to buy a use one off some random person.
Finally some success with toys. She love this toy. If you know anything about Ava she is not interested in a lot of things. I know it is the Autism. When I have a little success I am thrilled.
She has been doing so much better. Her OT was out for weeks due to a surgery. She came back and is so impressed with my baby. She is communicating. Not with words, but she got other things down.
I so want to know what is going on in that brain. I am sure I would be amazed.
This book thing is going very slow. I am loving my story so much. I am my own worst critic of how I am telling the story. I am paying for real editing. I know I have grammer issues. I am sure all of you who read my blog know that. Not news to you. I want this project to be of high quality. So I am putting in the money. I am really looking in to publishing it ok Kindle and create space.
If I only didn’t have to work. I would have so much done. In the state of the world. I need to keep my job for health insurance alone.
I wanted to thank all of you guys who read my blogs. You are great and all the comments during the years have always made me smile and feel good.

Had to get UGLY!!!

Ok, the IEP date is set. I have an advocate. I paid him the deposit, gave him Ava paperwork. I am praying all this works out. One of the evaluations had not been set yet. This woman had a month and a half to make an appointment with me. Well, that shit didn’t happen. I sent the coordinator about five emails. She kept saying she knows about the meeting. Well WTF does that mean.

My last email I pulled out all the stops. Can I speak to her boss? I am a single working mother and cannot take off work whenever this woman finds the time to call me. I wouldn’t be so pissed, The IEP is in two weeks.

After my nasty email, I got a call from that woman. Shocking!!! You have to be ugly and nasty for people to respond to you. She was actually agreeable and agreed to do the test when the other testing is being done. Which is great for me. I already took that day off.

I am looking forward to her starting pre-school and scared. She hasn’t been away from me or my mother at any point. I am going to be so upset on her first day. This is going to be so life to change for her and me.

I want my baby to talk. She is communicating, but still no words. Everyone says it will happen. Especially with her being around other kids. I am praying. I don’t know what my child words sound like. I haven’t heard the word mommy yet. All this is heartbreaking.

Almost 11pm

My child is finally sleeping through the night. The problem is she doesn’t go to sleep until 10-11pm. I have so many things I need to do. I keep putting her ass back in the bed. She laughs her ass off like we are playing the biggest game. I know she likes it when I am home. I really feel she stays up to spend time with me.
Which I love, but in the same breath, I have so many things going at once. I need a few night time hours to get things done.
My book it getting closer and closer to done. I will announce it on this blog if anyone in interested in reading it. It is a sci-fi novel on autism.
I am my own worst critic, I keep reading it over and over again and finding things wrong with it.
I have enlisted my friend to edit it. I am going to read it one more time and send it over for her to edit. Then I am going to get the rest together.
My Youtube channel is growing slowly. I am excited by the growth, but it has not turned into passive income.
I didn’t really start the Youtube channel to make money. I do enjoy making the video. I also noticed I wasn’t really putting in the time or effort to make it successful either.
With the limited time in my life, I can only devote so much. I still haven’t read the books the advocate told me to read for this IEP. I am going to get to it. I really don’t feel like reading the bullshit. I just want Boston Public Schools not to screw me and give my child everything she deserves.
Which I know is going to be hard which is why I hired the advocate in the first place.
Also, my mom lets Ava sleep for two hours a day. So I am sure when she start pre-school and has that 45 min nap she will be tired when she gets home. That will help me so much. At the moment she is a ball of energy when I walk in the door.


Ok, now that Ava will be three very soon, no more early intervention. I have to take her to all these test. I already didn’t like the tone of the woman when I initially had to sign the papers.

I got the impression there were trying to screw my kid out of services. She was nice nasty. She wasn’t mean or nice. Everyone wants to sell me on two pull out speech therapy. I want more than that. My kid does not talk. I want more then two sessions.

I already am looking into outside speech for her. Which I will have to drive and it will cost a co-pay and parking. Things could always be worse, I keep thinking to myself.

I have an advocate for my IEP. I need someone there who knows the laws. I don’t want to be screwed because I was ignorant to what they should give my baby. All this shit is hard. Hard to know if you are doing the right or wrong thing. I don’t want to make any mistakes. There is no real way to know if I am making the right decision!!!

Stepping Up My GAME!!!

I have been working on my projects. I am my own worst critic. I always second guess my skills and how good or not good I am at things. I have finally gotten over 1k YouTube subscribers. I am constantly looking at the numbers to see when they are increasing. It is crazy to keep checking, but I can’t help it.

I have 60 pages in my book written. I am second guessing if it is good. I have been down on myself lately. I need to be positive and work on my attitude. God has been so good to me. I am getting out of debt. I have lost six pounds on Weight Watchers. Things are good. Why am I so down??


I need to pinch myself!

An opportunity has contacted through my YOUTUBE channel. Nothing might come from it. Which is my non optimistic ass thoughts. If things actually happen, I will have to pinch myself to see if it is reality.

Shit like this doesn’t happen to me. I will put it out there when or if things work out. I hate that I can’t really talk about it. Life is getting interesting.

Refurbished Tablet

Ava put her tablet in the toilet. I had to send it back to get a new one. Thank god for a two year no questions asked warranty.

It has been gone for a week. She asked the therapist for the tablet five different times. I have to say very obvious that she missing that thing. I know this is awful, but I miss it to. When I have other things to do, it keeps her entertained.

She is growing up in many ways. She is now in a toddler bed. Granted we are still in the same room. Long story on that one. She has a room. Since there is no man in my bed it isn’t really a big deal.

She will be starting preschool in May. Which I am hoping will push her along when she see other kids doing things she doesn’t do.

I am scared to death with the whole school thing. It is the next step. We are about to do the testing for her IEP. I am sure the teachers are going to love and hate me. I will be nice but I have expectations. Life shit in full effect.